Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Settle my inheritance row!

677 replies

LetMeExplain · 05/04/2023 15:41

Long story short, my parents signed their house over to me 10+ years ago, under the caveat that they could live there until the end of their days. This house is my inheritance, as stated in their will.
My mum passed away and my dad can’t afford to stay in the house or manage its upkeep any more. He has a disastrous relationship with money and is basically destitute.
I agreed to sell the house and buy a flat for him, to live in rent free, all he has to pay is his cost. He now demands money from me as I am making a profit from the sale of the house. I don’t want to give him any, it’s my inheritance! AIBU?

OP posts:
KittyAlfred · 05/04/2023 18:35

Soapyspuds · 05/04/2023 18:31

Again, I can’t quite keep up but the house was originally put in my name because my mum knew that he would just piss it all away. As I said, there is a bit of a back story involving a man who cannot deal with money and several bankruptcies

Give him some money in cash. He is one of the two people on this planet who brought you up FFS. Changed your nappies, fed you and cared for you. If you cannot give him a few extra quid for enjoyment then what is the point in him being alive?

Give him some cash, assess what he spends it on then go from there.

It would be useful to know more details because from what OP has implied, maybe he didn't bring her up, change her nappies, care for her etc. It sounds as if there may have been a lot more to it.

Mangledrake · 05/04/2023 18:36

There's probably no perfect solution because it sounds as if your dad's situation isn't fixable.

For practical options, a lot depends on the gap between cost of new place for your dad and old.

You could rent out the larger property and if that rent covered maintenance, insurance agency fees, dad's new rent, living allowance - nice and clean and little trouble to you. That would do away with any contention around selling his home for life. But so much depends on your agreement, and on local laws, tax and market conditions! I would just like to do something along those lines in your position to keep everything tidy and transparent.

popsypretty · 05/04/2023 18:38

Forgot to say, if the reason for him wanting a smaller house is the cost then there is two sides to this. As the owner of the house you are responsible for the upkeep of the property, however the bills and running costs are his to pay. You don't have an obligation to pay his bills because he doesn't know how to or doesn't want to manage his money properly.

Mangledrake · 05/04/2023 18:38

I suspect he might be better off in a good rented property than buying a new one - needs change quickly as people age and better of somebody else is maintaining it.

BoneBrothByDayDonutByNight · 05/04/2023 18:38

I initially voted YABU but following updates I've changed to YANBU.

OP - what money could your dad use to live on? I'd be tempted to sell house, take half after all costs and give your dad half after all costs. That would feel like you have the inheritance your mum wanted you to have but have left your dad with what I have two assume is somewhat morally his (even if there's more to it).

Silvers11 · 05/04/2023 18:39

Ok - I read your first post and initially I thought how greedy and grasping you are. Then I read your other posts and re-read the first one again and I have completely changed my mind on that one!!

If I read it correctly, the house was put into your name because your Father goes silly with money ( gambling problem mainly? Or something similar) and your Mother did not want him to spend it all on whatever his issue is? If the house belonged to you he couldn't do that. They still got to have a roof over their heads for as long as at least one of them was still alive though, which was sensible.

This was the main reason for the signing the house over to you? It does of course protect the house potentially from being lost for care home costs and avoids inheritance tax, but if the main object was to protect it from you father 'p**ing it away, then I think it is perfectly reasonable that you do whatever meets the 'intention' of the original decision.

In other words, Yes, buy a smaller flat which will meet his needs and still allow him to live there rent free. But if the intention was to keep him throwing any money away, then you really shouldn't give him any of the profit or he will waste it entirely, which the original handing the house over to you was supposed to prevent. You will need to look at Capital Gains tax too although I'm not sure how this all works if you are in the UK and the House etc is abroad

Xenia · 05/04/2023 18:40

The legal title is in the daughter;s name. it is her property. If the father wants to leave that is up to him. If he wants to seek legal advice to see if the original verbal or written contract says he will be found another place he can.
If I were the daughter I would search the land registry first (£3 charge and online) and it will show if any charges or notices of remaining rights of the parents are showing) and if not she can sell it.

KettrickenSmiled · 05/04/2023 18:43

My mum passed away and my dad can’t afford to stay in the house or manage its upkeep any more.
Why do you expect him to?
According to you, it's no longer his house. The upkeep is the responsibility of the current owner - you.

When you agreed in law to be given the house, you also agreed that both or either your parents could live there until the end of their days. That caveat is still your responsibility, a fact you appear to have disregarded ethically, but would do well to wake up to legally.
If DF can't afford to live there, you owe him an alternative he CAN live in until the end of his days. And it is legally, financially, & morally your responsibility to provide that alternative, & assume any costs on doing so.

He has a disastrous relationship with money and is basically destitute.
Nice demonisation attempt, but no cigar.
It's irrelevant that he is crap with money. You presumably knew this just 10 years ago, as it's not a trait that emerges from nowhere. You still took the deal, which is an incredible one whether you end up with a flat & slightly depreciated capital, or the original house.

You sound like your DF is an inconvenience who might cost you money, & seem unable to appreciate that far from that, he had chosen to gift you with astonishing good fortune. If he is unable to live out the rest of his days as an independent elder in either this house or a cheaper flat because he needs to move to a care home, I hope you visit him & act like a grateful daughter whose dad intended her to do very well out of his estate. Sadly I suspect you will view him as an encumbrance & a personal cost instead.

Almost hope this is frothbait, & not a genuine dilemma for the guy. However shit he is at managing money.

GnomeDePlume · 05/04/2023 18:44

@Xenia the property and DF are not in the UK

HomeTheatreSystem · 05/04/2023 18:44

@Xenia house in question is not in the UK.

Xenia · 05/04/2023 18:45

Sorry, I hadn't read the thread. In that case legal advice in the relevant country is needed and the inheritance laws there eg in France if a UK person owns property there they need a separate French will there as their inheritance tax laws differ from English law.

Bewilderedandhurt · 05/04/2023 18:48

@Timesawastin

I believe these are the thresholds that apply for children, 1 million can only be transferred between spouses.

What happens if I inherit my parents' home?In the current tax year, 2022/23, no inheritance tax is due on the first £325,000 of an estate, with 40% normally being charged on any amount above that.
However, what is charged will be less if you leave behind your home to your direct descendants, such as children or grandchildren. This is because you will then have two tax-free allowances:

allmyliesaretrue · 05/04/2023 18:49

KettrickenSmiled · 05/04/2023 18:43

My mum passed away and my dad can’t afford to stay in the house or manage its upkeep any more.
Why do you expect him to?
According to you, it's no longer his house. The upkeep is the responsibility of the current owner - you.

When you agreed in law to be given the house, you also agreed that both or either your parents could live there until the end of their days. That caveat is still your responsibility, a fact you appear to have disregarded ethically, but would do well to wake up to legally.
If DF can't afford to live there, you owe him an alternative he CAN live in until the end of his days. And it is legally, financially, & morally your responsibility to provide that alternative, & assume any costs on doing so.

He has a disastrous relationship with money and is basically destitute.
Nice demonisation attempt, but no cigar.
It's irrelevant that he is crap with money. You presumably knew this just 10 years ago, as it's not a trait that emerges from nowhere. You still took the deal, which is an incredible one whether you end up with a flat & slightly depreciated capital, or the original house.

You sound like your DF is an inconvenience who might cost you money, & seem unable to appreciate that far from that, he had chosen to gift you with astonishing good fortune. If he is unable to live out the rest of his days as an independent elder in either this house or a cheaper flat because he needs to move to a care home, I hope you visit him & act like a grateful daughter whose dad intended her to do very well out of his estate. Sadly I suspect you will view him as an encumbrance & a personal cost instead.

Almost hope this is frothbait, & not a genuine dilemma for the guy. However shit he is at managing money.

What a load of utter tosh. Did you even read the thread at all?

Fact - yes, it is the OP's house. Signed over by both her parents over 10 years ago.

Fact - the OP is proposing to sell the house and purchase a flat for her DF more suitable for his needs

Fact - the house was signed over to protect the father from himself. One of those bankruptcies and no house!! So Op's mother wouldn't have had a roof over her head long before she died.

Are you jealous or something?!!

DojaPhat · 05/04/2023 18:49

Sometimes on threads where posters are undecided about having children I think rather than listing the benefits of more free time and more money I think we should link them to threads like this! The kid you're umming and erring about could potentially one day see you as a giant obstacle to their plans with your money.

ancientpants · 05/04/2023 18:50

What an absolutely splendid drip feed. Irrespective of the legalities your position is immoral. If the relationship and back story was so bad: go no contact. If this is true you are a grifter.

allmyliesaretrue · 05/04/2023 18:53

ancientpants · 05/04/2023 18:50

What an absolutely splendid drip feed. Irrespective of the legalities your position is immoral. If the relationship and back story was so bad: go no contact. If this is true you are a grifter.

And you are a judgemental, condescending piece of work.

Pigriver · 05/04/2023 18:56

I would buy the flat and pay for the utilities so he only has to pay for his food/personal outgoings. That is, as long as he has enough pension to cover his own outgoings.
This has actually been an interesting thread as we are about to have FIL house and land signed over to us.... hopefully we'd never sell it as it is family land shared with BIL but gives us food for thought in terms of preparation for future care etc.

GnomeDePlume · 05/04/2023 18:58

A lot of posters seem to think DF is some lovely, cuddly old dear with, perhaps, the bad habit of buying one too many scratchcards.

Nothing OP has written conveys that impression to me. Fecklessness, toxicity, unreliability are the impressions I get.

It is quite likely that DM was looking to protect DF from himself by passing the house to OP. At least this way he keeps a roof over his head. By the sound of it he has gambled or speculated away every penny he has ever got his hands on. Giving DF the profit on the house sale will only go the same way - fools and their money.

At least this way OP can help him out, sort furniture etc without the worry that he will end up living in her back bedroom when he achieves the next financial disaster.

KettrickenSmiled · 05/04/2023 18:58

allmyliesaretrue · 05/04/2023 18:49

What a load of utter tosh. Did you even read the thread at all?

Fact - yes, it is the OP's house. Signed over by both her parents over 10 years ago.

Fact - the OP is proposing to sell the house and purchase a flat for her DF more suitable for his needs

Fact - the house was signed over to protect the father from himself. One of those bankruptcies and no house!! So Op's mother wouldn't have had a roof over her head long before she died.

Are you jealous or something?!!

Show quote history

I'm usually good about RTFT but in this instance, idiotically thought it was a one pager, with no OP updates. Not sure why, am on different device today.

The updates are quite the dripfeed.
Had I seen them - which is my own fault, & which I apologise to OP for - my response would have been different.

Having only seen her first post, which didn't go into the ameliorating circumstances, I was appalled by I don’t want to give him any, it’s my inheritance! from the adult child of a LIVING parent, & responded accordingly.

Jealous?
😂No.
Have always had a queasy reaction to the entitled phrase "my inheritance". Possibly due to my sister's behaviour on our dad's too-early death. She wanted me to tackle our stepmother about their shared assets, as she felt our dad's beloved & true-hearted second wife had "stolen our inheritance".
Puke-making.
She was on her own with that one.

FacebookFun · 05/04/2023 18:59

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

Relentlessbollox · 05/04/2023 18:59

This has to be a wind up or you are unbelievably sick!

You don’t deserve a penny and if this is real, I hope karma comes knocking.

ancientpants · 05/04/2023 19:02

@allmyliesaretrue In this case yep - I judge. And I'm more than comfortable with that.

DotAndCarryOne2 · 05/04/2023 19:03

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 05/04/2023 15:42

It's not your inheritance till he dies. Keep your mitts off it.

Not necessarily. If the house has been signed over legally to the OP then she owns it.

Nocutenamesleft · 05/04/2023 19:05

Oh my god

whats you’re doing isn’t yours though…..it’s his profit?

id be horrified if my kids behaved that way…….

DotAndCarryOne2 · 05/04/2023 19:06

Relentlessbollox · 05/04/2023 18:59

This has to be a wind up or you are unbelievably sick!

You don’t deserve a penny and if this is real, I hope karma comes knocking.

Read the thread before making accusations like this. The house belongs to the OP, signed over to protect her addict father from himself. I think you’re unclear as to who is sick here.