How do you get your DC to be less fiendish about sugar and snacks?

[botheredbythis]

12 year old DS loves sweet stuff and fizzy drinks. I'm very into healthy food, and constantly push alternatives and make homemade nutritious food for every meal pretty much.

But he's pretty wilful, he's experiencing more independence, walks back and to school/all of his peers eat a load of crap - and so we're in this place where it's really hard to manage/control/steer. Telling him he "can't" is only effective so far.

I wondered how people manage this? Should we give him an allowance per week and when it's used up, it's used up? This would work for out of school stuff, but his lunch and snacks at school come off a prepaid card - theoretically, he could still sneak crap food in as the canteen tills don't itemise everything specifically.

Limit spending money. Limit treats you buy. Swap to packed lunch not money to buy lunch at school.
Point out cost of things - £20 a week on school lunch card is £80 a month v packed lunch £20 a month.

I've done all of this! But I don't want to do packed lunch every day. He has it 3 times a week.

How about he makes his lunch? Mine always did and I did mine and whole families from secondary age.
3 packed and 2 bought seems a good combination.
How is he buying stuff if he has limited money?

Honestly I think the most effective way is to chill out. Hand him a packet of biscuits and let him eat as many as he likes, have soda in the fridge and let him have it with dinner, let him gorge on Easter eggs. We’ve always been extremely liberal about sugar and mine are very take it or leave it about sweets/chocolate/soda, sometimes they choose something sugary, sometimes they choose water, yoghurt or fruit with no value set on each, the choice is truly theirs. Takes a while for them to believe you really mean it but works in the long term.

Yoghurt and chocolate taste just as good as each other why pretend otherwise.

Yes, give very limited money. No snacks available at home. Get them interested and involved in cooking healthy food. Make his own packed lunch

Yeah, I'm not sure that's going to work for us. But great it works for you.

And I dont really understand the comparison with yoghurt and chocolate

I'm being obtuse, but how does him making his lunch help him?

Honestly, he gets others to buy it if he doesn't have money. Like today, on the way home from a club (where he was given a decent packed lunch), he got a friend to buy him a Fanta...

Generally, the more you restrict, the more they want. We’ve always had snacks available and now my kids just take them or leave them. So I agree with the chilling out about it.

Obviously make sure there’s a good variety of options available and make sure main meal times are balanced.

Ellyn Satter’s ‘Division of Responsibility’ book is quite good, though it may be more useful for younger kids.

Make it less forbidden. We have treats in the house, but not every day. If they want anything else they buy it with their own money.
I never bothered what they bought in school, they need to start making their own choices at some point.

take him to the dentist. It will only take a problem to change their ways. My 11 year old had to have an adult molar pulled under local anaesthetic. It was hideous and traumatic for all concerned. He doesn’t want to touch fizzy drinks now.

Being more involved in food prep usually means more likely to be willing to try new foods and make healthier choices. Plus avoids him eating junk out of inability to prepare food - he’s more likely to make a sandwich for a snack than eat 3 bags of crisps if he’s used to making sandwiches. Plus avoids the you are busy so just top his card up if you haven’t time or inclination to make lunch.

Unfortunately, you have hit peer group pressure in the teen years. This is so difficult especially when it goes against how you want to raise your child. I say pick your battles. Your child has to make their own choices, just give him enough money to buy his own lunch. Provide healthy meals in the evening and during the weekend and find a sport that your child enjoys to keep active during the teen years. Even better if you can get your dc involved with a team sport with matches on the weekend. Keeps teens out of trouble and with the added bonus of the freedom to hang out with friends.

I have a 13 yo DD. She is pretty sensible with food but still loves all the junk.

It's so much harder to restrict them at secondary school when the canteen sells shite isn't it. All these years of primary schools drilling 'healthy snacks' into them, and then they get to secondary and can get clotted cream scones and pizza wraps dripping with grease.

Sorry OP no answers!

I wonder if it is a novelty that will wear off?

My 12 treat old is a bit like this. Limiting their money is the only way!

YEAR old 🤣

Speaking from personal experience, the more you restrict them, the more he’ll want.

Our foods were very restricted growing up, and I have a really serious problem with my emotional attachment to sugar as a crutch now.

Making things off-limits turns them into forbidden fruit. Tread very carefully.

You have to accept that you no longer have total control of what your son eats. He can either buy the food he wants himself, or get it through his friends. You can model healthy eating at home, get him involved in preparing his own meals, take him to dentist regularly who will be telling him the effect of food on his teeth, but your son can make his own food choices and will continue to make more and more choices for himself as he grows older and you won’t agree with all of them.

So now he owes his friend for a drink. Does he have money to pay him back from. I really wouldn’t like him mooching off friends - it’s only £1 but it adds up and isn’t on.
Value of money. Can he do chores for cash - might make him think. As he gets a bit older a paper round or similar. Mine had a pt job at McDonald’s from 16 and it really focused her mind - that’s an hour at work or a shift .

Once my 2 DS got into sport they became a lot more conscious of what they eat. They are older teens and talk about macros etc. Also because they do lots of sport they can get away with a bit of junk food. Both are very fit and healthy now.

OP, I’m following with interest and I think we ought to try to instil healthy habits in our DC as it isn’t enough to ‘chill’ when there’s an obesity crisis. Once someone gets fat it is proven that they will find it much harder to get back to a healthy weight, if not impossible.

Mine have packed lunches every day, they are both very sporty which also helps and we talk about food that fuels the body. They do have their own money and will go to the local shop, I do ask them to be mindful of how much they choose and eat. Nothing is banned and we have treats in the house but they are supposed to ask me first before they raid the cupboards. It’s hard and I wish we all opened our eyes to the damage being done to us all and worked together more to have boundaries around this stuff.

Some at 12 will be novelty. They all wanted canteen food. By later years the same awful food lost its shine (there’s only so many chicken burgers you can eat!) and lots more kids brought food from home.

There is link between Dopamine seeking via eating sugar. My autistic DD 11yr has turned into a sugar seeking child despite years of heating eating, helping to cook, having easy access to snacks and chats about making healthy choices. Then started secondary school and hormones hit whoosh she’ll eat sugar all day long snacking given free access, has school dinners twice a week on PE days as her bag is huge and always choosing chips/pizza/cake/cookies etc.it’s frustrating that the school sell it tbh. I’ve had to start reducing the snacks we buy & hide stuff so other family members can still enjoy in moderation.

Personally, I think food rules are more damaging than eating crappy food now and then. Any food rules.

You can’t ever really control what they eat completely at that age unless you want to foster disordered eating. I have a 13 year old son and I just make sure meals are healthy. For example, this morning he had a 3 egg omelette with olive oil with a large glass of milk. He’s been out with his mates all day no doubt consuming a load of shite. Dinner this evening is steak and vegetables. You can only do so much. Plus my lad is very sporty.

Okay, sorry, I've been unclear.

We absolutely have snacks in the house. chocolate brunch bars, some biscuits sometimes, crisps, home made pastries. As well as lots of fruit, olives, cheese, other savoury stuff he likes.

He eats a lot of different foods - curries, pasta, roasts, tray bakes. He'll try stuff. So I do try to encourage the balance.

And he does a lot of sports.

But he's just talks a lot about crap, and wanting it, and every chance he can get it, he will.

I have wondered whether he might be slightly neurodivergent and therefore it's about something like dopamine. But then, I wonder whether it's just totally normal at his age, as part of his bid for independence.