How do you get your DC to be less fiendish about sugar and snacks?

[botheredbythis]

12 year old DS loves sweet stuff and fizzy drinks. I'm very into healthy food, and constantly push alternatives and make homemade nutritious food for every meal pretty much.

But he's pretty wilful, he's experiencing more independence, walks back and to school/all of his peers eat a load of crap - and so we're in this place where it's really hard to manage/control/steer. Telling him he "can't" is only effective so far.

I wondered how people manage this? Should we give him an allowance per week and when it's used up, it's used up? This would work for out of school stuff, but his lunch and snacks at school come off a prepaid card - theoretically, he could still sneak crap food in as the canteen tills don't itemise everything specifically.

I think this is part of the letting go process of children growing up. When they are primary age we have so much control over their lives - what they eat/read/do/who they spend time with. When they become teens they have to start making some of their own choices and some of those choices will be....not great. My sense is that we have to let them get on with it (so long as they are not doing anything really dangerous) and trust that all the effort we put into raising them will pay off.

FWIW I think your idea of giving him an allowance and when it's gone it's gone is a good one. In your shoes I would also completely stop talking to him about food choices - just offer healthy food at home and say nothing further. A lot of parenting teenagers is about knowing when to stay silent!

Sigh. Love a useless comment.

I agree with all the well-balanced views that I need to take a more neutral position. It will be hard but I don't want to create issues, I don't want him to feel judged, and I've got a long road ahead with him and I don't want to police him. That will end in disaster.

So, I'm going to give him spending money - and when it's gone it's gone - keep cooking homemade meals, balance the crap/good snacks at home, and shut the fuck up about it.

I think there's truth in this. Thank you.

You're very welcome. I found the same with my children's fussy eating tbh - cajoling, persuading and trying to manage their eating only made things worse. Being relaxed about it took the pressure off.

@botheredbythis

Also limit the spending money. My 13 year old wanted to spend 20 pounds on prime because it’s a cool drink. No chance was he allowed too. Sometimes he will just want to go to the shops to spend some money because he is bored and often they go out for a burger or a milkshake as a social thing.

All you can do is make sure his meals, breakfasts and dinners are all healthy and nutritious as well as being quite meticulous with his oral hygiene which is another thing I’m always banging on about to him. It’s a fun age isn’t it? 🤦‍♀️.

I'm really struggling with this age tbh. He just wants, wants, wants. Screen, sugar, etc etc. goes from one want to another. Relentless.

So, I'm going to give him spending money - and when it's gone it's gone - keep cooking homemade meals, balance the crap/good snacks at home, and shut the fuck up about it.

I think that's a good plan.

If you crave sugar your body actually needs more protein.

When my vit d and iron levels are low I am also ravenously hungry for sugar and looking for the dopamine hit of a screen. Can you get his bloods tested for any deficiencies

VERY relentless. 🍷

This sounds like the best thing all round, with one last thing for you to do…try to stop worrying!😁 (easier said than done, I know). What you have posted there is a well balanced approach to it all.

I was similar growing up..ate really well at home, lots of variety like you provide but I’d eat crisps and pop on the way home from school too. I was also rake thin. I only got fat after I started dieting (restricting) in my 20’s. One of the main triggers for bingeing is previous restriction and that there starts a different cycle!

It’s hard being a parent, especially to teens who are pushing boundaries and finding out who they are, as well as wanting to fit in at the same time. And as I said before, you’re not ‘wrong’ for feeling the way you do/did -it’s what’s been pushed on us as a society for the past few decades and you just want to do the best for your child.

It’s 100% normal OP - he is growing up and you need to loosen the control a little . It’s good that you have taught him about good nutrition , but he is going to mix it up with the not so good for a while . All you can really do is limit the available spends though not too restrictively -and make sure the good stuff is going in at home . You do not need to know what he bought for lunch - that’s his business because he is on the way to becoming an adult and needs to make his own choices . This is just the start

If it makes you feel better OP my DD has girls in her form that take in bags of sugar and eat it with a spoon at form time 😵‍💫

Completely agree with this. I completely understand how excessive restrictions cause eating disorders, but going to the other extreme is no good. The people I know with the worst eating habits didn’t have any restrictions on unhealthy food. Teaching kids that having treats is absolutely fine but they’re not for every day is really important.

Having said that, there’s truth in what others have said about not shaming / forbidding, as it’ll only push him the other way. I think the only route is to have an adultish conversation about why it’s important not to overload too regularly on sweet stuff and that you’re trusting him to make good decisions and hope to God this phase passes - and do what you can to limit access eg fixed amount of money each week or whatever. Good luck!

WOW.

It’s a hard age, and a hard time in general. I have to be strict with myself over treats as I have a super sweet tooth and a metabolism that has dramatically slowed down now I’m in my 40s. I used to be one of those “rake thin kids” who could eat anything but life and a sedentary job caught up with me and now when I eat too much fatty or sugary things I put on weight very easily.
So with my two (currently slim active growing boys) I find it hard to decide, should I let them just eat what they want while they can enjoy it? Or should I be trying to get them to understand that they just won’t always be able to eat like this?
So you have my sympathies. Giving kids a free for all over food seems like utter madness to me especially as we understand that our bodies continue to crave this food and don’t have an “off” switch in the way that they do with non processed food. Equally I do understand that giving them a bad message over restricting isn’t good either. Equally, we have way more overweight people than we do those with eating disorders - so I guess you have to look at your child and pick your “disorder” - are they more likely to be overweight or have an ED?
God this parenting is a frickin minefield!

My middle DC makes the sandwiches as part of her daily chores. Might as well get him used to making his lunch now as a kid, it'll save him ££££ in the future if this becomes his norm.