How do you get your DC to be less fiendish about sugar and snacks?

[botheredbythis]

12 year old DS loves sweet stuff and fizzy drinks. I'm very into healthy food, and constantly push alternatives and make homemade nutritious food for every meal pretty much.

But he's pretty wilful, he's experiencing more independence, walks back and to school/all of his peers eat a load of crap - and so we're in this place where it's really hard to manage/control/steer. Telling him he "can't" is only effective so far.

I wondered how people manage this? Should we give him an allowance per week and when it's used up, it's used up? This would work for out of school stuff, but his lunch and snacks at school come off a prepaid card - theoretically, he could still sneak crap food in as the canteen tills don't itemise everything specifically.

Totally agree. Im a big fatty because I love sugar. And it too was very restricted in my house growing up. Dont do that.
I dont restrict at all. Oldest is only 7 so remains to be seen if Ive gone too far the other way (I may eat my words in 10 years) but so far our strategy seems ok. Kids are active, healthy weight and not sugar fiends....If they ask for sugary stuff we always say yes but do talk about foods that keep your body healthy and say we just need to check in on how well their body has been fed with healthy foods today. Yesterday the eldest asked for a few marshmallows then changed her mind because she hadnt had enough fruit yet today so had grapes instead.
Its tricky but I dont think restricting is helpful. It makes kids want it more.

I suspect the OPs disordered eating is rubbing off on her son
Poor kid

Stop pushing. Let go a little and accept that you can't always control what he eats.

Continue to offer healthy stuff at home but don't make a big deal and you may find that it calms down.

Don't have sugary snacks at home but don't try and control what he has outside of the house. I suspect a fair bit is peer pressure to be honest, I remember at secondary school it was cooler to buy a slice of pizza and some shitty snacks than a packed lunch or something healthier. This way he will be more balanced and without restriction or feeling he needs to hide what he is buying.

@botheredbythis

Have you always restricted it though? Because If so, you’ve probably created this. Now he can actually get his hands on it it becomes even more special. Why do you think he’s craving dopamine? He just sounds like a normal 12 year old. 🤦‍♀️

@lala2023
how have you managed to jump to that conclusion ??

Well I’d tell him not to cadge drinks/snacks from his friends.

Stop making it the forbidden fruit. He’s old enough to learn to self-regulate.

I have always taken this approach too but my dd never makes good choices off her own back really and you would think she had nener been allowed sweets of chocolate the way she eats them. Drives me mad.

I think at his age and given that a) he eats a varied diet otherwise and b) he does a lot of sport l would just back off.
I ate SO much junk as a teen - on top of the healthy meals that home and school provided. I’ve always liked fruit and veg and I’ve never been overweight or had problems with my teeth. But my goodness I ate a lot of sugar and salt between the ages of 11 and 21.

I honestly think so so much is hormonal driven and genetic. My two DDs have had a different relationship with food literally from day1. One prefers sugar and sweet things and can’t regulate her portions at all, the other prefers savoury has never felt the need to over eat and happily ignores chocolate for months. One is like DH and one is like me. It was actually eye opening to me seeing toddlers eat so so differently but have same access to food/parenting.

We don't particularly restrict items, except directly before meals. We try to role model good behaviour. If I think the DC are having a bit too many sweets, I make an effort to have healthier things easily accessible, as I find it's largely the convenience that motivates them (e.g. I precut veg sticks etc).

I don't want to spend my life fighting with me dc about stuff like this, and I want them to learn to moderate their own behaviour.

Stop trying to limit or making it forbidden

I was never allowed 'crap' growing up - by crap I mean sweets, chocolate, crisps, fizzy pop, squash etc. We got 3 easter eggs each, which lasted weeks as were rationed out. We were fed fish fingers, home made deep fried chips and other convenience food that is just as crap but my parents never saw that as poor food choices. Having no access to what my friends had, made me want it more & when I earned my own money at 15, I'd spend £20 at a time on chocolate, crisps, pop etc that I'd hide and eat secretly. This turned into an eating disorder. I'm now in my late 30s, I'm overweight and still have a really bad relationship with food, and I still (not so) secretly snack (by this I mean have easter eggs hidden in drawers, chocolate bars under the bed etc. I know I do this. I can have biscuits etc in the cupboards for everyone and it doesn't bother me, but hiding it gives me a thrill (even though DH is not stupid and knows fine well I do it).

OTOH, I have never limited such items with my DC. They know they can eat fruit, yogurt, crackers etc freely and drink squash/water/tea/milk without asking, but they must ask for cakes, biscuits, chocolate, sugary drinks, because I know they'd not eat their meals if its close to mealtimes. Thankfully they'd usually choose the fruit, yogurts etc.

I’m not sure whether you are at the point of no return and the damage is already done, but is definitely worth a try. i think that by restricting him you have caused an unhealthy relationship with food. I think as someone said above just say ok do as you please but talk about having a balanced diet and thinking about what they have had that day. If he is having these things on the way home, show no judgement and be neutral. His diet sounds great at home. Creating some balance.

I think if you have mostly healthy stuff at home and he wants a bit of crap it is no big deal.
DS16 will probably choose absolute shite at school but goes our of the door with 3 weetabix. Dinner is home cooked with a bit of veg but he will also scoff a crazy amount of biscuits. 20/25% crap v 80/75% OK diet is doing OK in my book. He had a good start foodwise and is very sporty, teeth are good so I'm not worried!

Wow. What a stupid assumption to make. I don't have disordered eating. Easy to make remarks like that when you're posting anonymously, isn't it?

Ok, so I get I need to find a balance with this. I probably need to chill out, I get that. Thanks all.

Thank you @LuckySantangelo35 - I'm incensed by that post. What an idiot.

As someone who are a lot of crap food as a teen but remained slim because I was burning stupid amounts of calories doing sport I would echo not making too much of a fuss. I’m still a healthy BMI in my 40s and now just have to be more sensible. So long as he’s not putting on too much weight don’t fret. If he is then yes, you need to act but until then don’t create an unnecessary battle.

I think this is really good. I educate my children around food amd model healthy eating habits. They understand what foods are made up of and what they need to fuel their bodies. They understand the poor nutritional value of junk food. They ocassionaly eat junk food as they like the taste but limit how much they eat of it and how often. My children pretty much have no junk food/treats Mon to Thurs, they get a small treat size bar on Fri and some biscuits/crisps/hot choc at the weekend. We almost never eat takeaway, maybe 3/4 times a year.
It isnt banned but is limited. They might ask ocassionaly for something additonal and sometimes I agree as I dont want to be too strict, but I know we are far stricter than most. There is an obesity crisis and we all need to eductae our children more, it isnt being cruel or fostering disordered eating, it is promoting health eating.

@Diorama1

How old are your children?

I'm sorry; I think your aspirations are worthy, but in the context of most teen lives, it's utterly impossible to implement.

It's a personality thing. My 14yo is and always has been obsessed with sugar with no sense of portion control. He has younger brothers ages 4 and 1 and they are nothing like he was when he was younger.

I try to talk to him about it and explain but ultimately he has access to his own money now and he can go and buy as many sweets as he wants. I don't buy him endless snacks.

I would keep hold of his pocket money - to stop him buying sugary snacks on the way to and from school (stop the bad habit in its tracks).
Packed lunches - he's old enough to make them himself 5 days a week - so u don't have to - and he can choose - ham in a bagel or bread. some fruit, a biscuit or flap jack, etc veg sticks etc etc.
Ideally Water Water Water all the way, sugary drinks are something u want avoid as a habit at all costs.

I agree with this. I've never restricted or banned anything, my dd12 knows that if she wants something she can have, and so can self-limit as she's always got access to "treats".
My cousins kids aren't allowed anything and I have to hide stuff when they come over as the will gorge themselves as they can't have it at home. They are also now overweight teens as they get crap from school and from friends.