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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to friend ?

79 replies

imanewuser · 04/04/2023 12:37

Bank Holiday weekend. Friend has booked bottomless brunch for a small baby shower on Friday. We are also going out Saturday night for part 2 of the shower. She now wants to carry on Friday afternoon into the eve with her

I have 3 DC aged 10- 13.i have said no can't do Friday night. It would mean me out all day Friday and Friday night Saturday night. That's not fair on the DC.

AIBU ?

OP posts:
Botw1 · 04/04/2023 12:38

Yanbu if you dont want to but I'm sure 3 10 to 13 yo will cope without you for 2 days in a row.

myheartmyhead · 04/04/2023 12:40

Nope, my 2 are 14 and 15 and I wouldn't want 2 nights in a row out

FionnulaTheCooler · 04/04/2023 12:40

It seems massively over the top for a baby shower so I probably wouldn't go to both things, but your kids aren't babies/toddlers, I'm sure they can amuse themselves for one weekend.

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 04/04/2023 12:40

Agreed. Sounds a lot for a baby shower anyway, but don't use your DC as an excuse, just say no

Original poster
imanewuser · 04/04/2023 12:41

Yes they will cope. But it's Easter weekend and I'm buggering off out for half of it. That seems unfair to them ?

OP posts:
Ktime · 04/04/2023 12:42

Do you even want to go? You seem riven by guilt. You are allowed to go and allowed not to go.

Would the kids be with their dad? I bet he gets lots of child free time!

mnahmnah · 04/04/2023 12:43

Sounds more like a hen do! Baby showers are way out of hand now. Of course it is ridiculous to expect you to go to it all. Is this her first child?

neverknowinglyunreasonable · 04/04/2023 12:44

I think there is a typo in this. You've mistakenly put "baby shower" when I assume you meant "hen do"

AllOfThemWitches · 04/04/2023 12:44

OMG for a baby shower, how ridiculous.

Original poster
imanewuser · 04/04/2023 12:46

The 2 showers are with different groups of friends, for which I'm in both groups of friends and so is the other friend. Yes, a first child.

OP posts:
Original poster
imanewuser · 04/04/2023 12:47

Just to confirm, it's def a baby shower. The mum to be is already married !

OP posts:
Shutte · 04/04/2023 12:47

I don’t like baby showers and have always declined them, but you and your friends like them and it could be fun. If you don’t want to go out after you don’t have to, but you don’t need to feel guilty or use your children as an excuse. Just say you don’t want to go.

Summerslimtime · 04/04/2023 12:48

I would love to do this, and I'm sure the dc would be having a great time with dh, but I could just not physically drink two nights in a row like this anymore!

coodawoodashooda · 04/04/2023 12:49

AllOfThemWitches · 04/04/2023 12:44

OMG for a baby shower, how ridiculous.

Yeah. Madness

Whenharrymetsmelly · 04/04/2023 12:52

I'd totally get this for a hens, but I don't understand this when the "mom" can't even drink. I couldn't think of anything more depressing when I was pregnant than watching other people drink!

Daisybuttercup12345 · 04/04/2023 12:53

Well over the top for a baby shower.
Your children aren't tiny and will be fine with dh. But if you don't want to go then stand firm and say No.

Rollercoastertycoon · 04/04/2023 12:57

If you don't want to go then fine, but you are allowed out on your own without your kids for your own interests you know. I'm presuming there is another parent who is equally capable of meeting their needs for a minimum of 48 hours?

unclebuck · 04/04/2023 12:57

What is a baby shower? My US family have them and it is group of family/friends meeting - usually at the prospective grandma or an Aunts house to exchange useful presents - not a massive piss up? It's bizarre imo. No problem with women going out anytime and doing whatever they want but it seems a very odd idea of what a baby shower is.

SmallAngryPenguinWoman · 04/04/2023 13:00

Not the point, but isn't a bottomless brunch all about the alcohol not endless food? In which case it seems like an odd choice for a baby shower.
I wouldn't go to essentially 3 events for one baby shower, very excessive & costly to expect people to attend. Why can't she have one shower with everyone there?

peeweechigs · 04/04/2023 13:01

Why do you need to go to both? Just pick one!

WandaWonder · 04/04/2023 13:01

Kids aside, I wouldn't be doing all this regardless very OTT for a baby shower, great if people actually want to do it

HMW1906 · 04/04/2023 13:03

Bottomless brunch for a baby shower??? My interpretation of a bottomless brunch is basically an excuse to start drinking before 12pm….why would anyone want to do this for a baby shower???

Hankunamatata · 04/04/2023 13:06

Boozy babyshower bit weird

Callixte · 04/04/2023 13:21

If you want to skip Friday night, YANBU, especially given that it's last-minute and a holiday w/e. I'll bet you're not the only one who can't make it. If you have specific plans with your children that they're looking forward and that need to include you, I wouldn't break them for this - you'll still be seeing all of the friends and taking part in both showers anyway.

If you do want to go on Friday night, though, it's not unreasonable to try to organise that (if, for example, the children would just be hanging out and can do that with their dad, or friends, etc. - not sure of the situation). It just depends what your family have planned and how reasonable it is to shift.

kittensinthekitchen · 04/04/2023 13:21

This is where the OP drip feeds that friend is adopting or using a surrogate.

Or that she is a massive alcoholic and baby is being removed at birth.