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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to friend ?

79 replies

imanewuser · 04/04/2023 12:37

Bank Holiday weekend. Friend has booked bottomless brunch for a small baby shower on Friday. We are also going out Saturday night for part 2 of the shower. She now wants to carry on Friday afternoon into the eve with her

I have 3 DC aged 10- 13.i have said no can't do Friday night. It would mean me out all day Friday and Friday night Saturday night. That's not fair on the DC.

AIBU ?

OP posts:
mast0650 · 04/04/2023 13:24

Well obviously, it is entirely up to you whether you want to take part on Friday night or not. But I don't think that most parents of kids in the 10-13 yr age bracket would have a particular problem with one parent being out Friday and Saturday, provided it isn't happening every week.

(bottomless brunch slightly odd choice for a baby shower I would have thought? but that's a different issue)

Xjshdvf · 04/04/2023 13:27

That sounds very over the top; I’d want to see my children over the bank holiday weekend too

mast0650 · 04/04/2023 13:27

Nope, my 2 are 14 and 15 and I wouldn't want 2 nights in a row out

Really? Because of the kids? Or just because you don't like 2 nights out in a row? Not wanting 2 nights out seems perfectly reasonable. Your choice. But not sure what teenage kids have got to do with it!

Irritateandunreasonable · 04/04/2023 13:29

Good God. One baby shower is more then enough. When did a baby shower become a piss up?

mamabear715 · 04/04/2023 13:29

Not been invited to any 'showers' & wouldn't go if I was. Always seems really grabby to me. Have fun with your family instead.

mast0650 · 04/04/2023 13:29

Yes they will cope. But it's Easter weekend and I'm buggering off out for half of it. That seems unfair to them ?

You'd be around Saturday daytime, all of Sunday and Monday. Good Friday isn't even a bank holiday and presumably they go to bed Friday and Saturday evenings for much of the time you'd be out?

SmallAngryPenguinWoman · 04/04/2023 13:35

Good Friday isn't even a bank holiday
In what country?
It's a bank holiday but not a public holiday here in Ireland, so banks are closed but not other businesses (although some do).
In the UK it is a public holiday so I imagine most offices/businesses close & it sounds like OP is not working.
So where is it not a bank holiday?

Riapia · 04/04/2023 13:35

Even half a day is too long for a baby shower.
😁😁

Spiderboy · 04/04/2023 13:38

I wouldn’t want to go out two nights in an row but your kids would be fine, I’d be rolling my eyes if someone said that with kids aged 10+ especially 😂

just say you don’t have the capacity for two nights in a row but you’ll see them Saturday night

Toffeebythesea · 04/04/2023 13:49

A baby shower is usually for a couple of hours during the day. This is ridiculous

TomatoSandwiches · 04/04/2023 13:55

Bottomless brunch for the start of a 3 part baby shower? 😂 no, I'd just go to one event if that tbh.

Antiquiteas · 04/04/2023 14:02

What’s the point of a bottomless brunch for a baby shower? I wouldn’t have a shower anyway but I’m also not selfless enough to have an event where everyone can get fucked up on champagne when I couldn’t…

Ridingfree · 04/04/2023 14:10

I hear you op. I've declined a gathering and bottomless brunch on Friday, a we haven't had decent family time since Xmas and I want to prioritise that over going out on this occasion . Just say no

Remaker · 04/04/2023 14:10

For me it would be the expense and drinking two days in a row that would put me off. I’m sure my DC would cope just fine without me.

But I cannot understand why anyone would organise a boozy celebration for a baby shower?

TempNCforthis · 04/04/2023 14:20

I thought a baby shower was just cake and gifts for the baby?

Wishawisha · 04/04/2023 14:22

A “small” baby shower this is not!

And why so boozy? I’ve only ever been to one baby shower and it was all mocktails and cooing over baby gros at someone’s home.

NotAnotherTaco · 04/04/2023 14:33

I guess bottomless alcohol would be the only way to make a baby shower bearable 🙈 But very weird idea when the guest of honour is on bottomless soft drinks!

Gymnopedie · 04/04/2023 14:39

OP you don't want to do it. You don't need us to validate your decision. Just don't go.

While it's not unreasonable for a mum to have some time out enjoying herself when she has DCs, it's also not unreasonable to feel that there's a limit and that there are times when you'd rather be with the kids.

Also do you have a DH/DP? How does he feel? Don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting you need his permission to go, but would you be OK if he were out for the same length of time? There are plenty of threads where the man is out partying, and the OP is told he's checked out of family life. Usually that's a recurring pattern not a one off so different, but the response is always that he sees the OP as automatically being childcare.

mast0650 · 04/04/2023 14:51

In the UK it is a public holiday so I imagine most offices/businesses close & it sounds like OP is not working.

Oh is it? Fair enough. I always thought it was just the Easter Monday. I never take much notice of public holidays apart from Xmas. Often work Good Friday and Easter Monday.

I (and DH) work at a University that doesh't really mark bank/public holidays as such (obviously the big ones fall outside term anyway). My parents were teachers so were off anyway. Ditto school kids!

purplecorkheart · 04/04/2023 14:54

I would expect that it would end up costing a lot for the two days and wouldn't being going to it all due to cost.

You know your kids best op and if you think they would be bothered by you not being there for two full days then you are quite right to say no

Comii9 · 04/04/2023 14:55

Even if your in both groups it doesn't really matter. Just go to one of them you obviously don't want yo attend both and that's fine!

Delatron · 04/04/2023 15:10

It does sound over the top for a baby shower and I’m so perplexed by the bottomless brunch when she can’t drink. And then another night out? Surely it’s normally afternoon tea and cake if you are going to bother.

But I’m sure your kids would cope not seeing you for one day and the next evening! So don’t dress it up as faux concern for the kids. Perfectly fine to just not want to go and you to want to hang out with your kids.

M103 · 04/04/2023 15:10

Way over the top. Just say no. I would want to enjoy some of my bank holiday weekend with my children as well, even though they would be fine without me.

glowyhighway · 04/04/2023 15:18

Both you and your friend seem over the top to me.

America12 · 04/04/2023 15:24

mast0650 · 04/04/2023 13:29

Yes they will cope. But it's Easter weekend and I'm buggering off out for half of it. That seems unfair to them ?

You'd be around Saturday daytime, all of Sunday and Monday. Good Friday isn't even a bank holiday and presumably they go to bed Friday and Saturday evenings for much of the time you'd be out?

Good Friday is a Bank Holiday in England.

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