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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to friend ?

79 replies

imanewuser · 04/04/2023 12:37

Bank Holiday weekend. Friend has booked bottomless brunch for a small baby shower on Friday. We are also going out Saturday night for part 2 of the shower. She now wants to carry on Friday afternoon into the eve with her

I have 3 DC aged 10- 13.i have said no can't do Friday night. It would mean me out all day Friday and Friday night Saturday night. That's not fair on the DC.

AIBU ?

OP posts:
AllIeveknewonlyou · 04/04/2023 15:27

No, that makes me feel tired just reading that. Friday brunch + Saturday evening are sufficient.

ConstanceOcean · 04/04/2023 15:29

Will they be left alone or have someone looking after them?

If you don’t want to go then don’t go but your kids will be fine without you if they have someone looking after them.

CleaningOutMyCloset · 04/04/2023 15:32

Am I being dense, surely a 'piss up' sorry bottomless brunch, isn't the best of things to be doing for a baby shower - I'm presuming the 'Mum' is pregnant and not adopting. Or is she staying sober whilst her friends have a good old knees up in the afternoon and into the evening?

Seems bonkers for a baby shower. What happened to a few balloons, cake and silly games for a few hours

Cakecakecheese · 04/04/2023 16:17

Why do the groups of friends have to have separate events? Are they rival gangs?

PinkSyCo · 04/04/2023 18:20

Fuck me that’s not a baby shower, that’s a baby torrential downpour! How long did their wedding ‘day’ last? A week? People will be getting out the party poppers for having a shit next I’m sure!

TheYearOfSmallThings · 04/04/2023 18:24

Your children would be fine if you wanted to go but the brunch and Saturday night sound enough in themselves, so I think it's fine to make your excuses for Friday evening if you don't fancy it.

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 04/04/2023 18:31

Overkill. YANBU.

Surely they don't need to be going out on the town heavily pregnant anyway(

Sennelier1 · 04/04/2023 19:24

I wouldn't go out 2 days in a row, but I'm sure your children will be fine. My own children would have been fine if I had done that, they still laugh about my eternal worries for them 😅

FoodieToo · 04/04/2023 19:28

Antiquiteas · 04/04/2023 14:02

What’s the point of a bottomless brunch for a baby shower? I wouldn’t have a shower anyway but I’m also not selfless enough to have an event where everyone can get fucked up on champagne when I couldn’t…

Brilliant , love this 👏 !!

Sophie89j · 04/04/2023 19:37

What a crap baby shower! That poor mother to be! If you don’t want to go, don’t go. Does seem OTT.

PEARLJAM123 · 04/04/2023 19:48

Why would you have a bottomless brunch when you can't drink? I thought a baby shower should be nice for the mother to be?

Vodababy · 04/04/2023 20:19

Bottomless brunches and nights out seem like a very odd choice for someone who can’t drink!

YANBU for not going - if you work Monday to Friday and weekends are your only time with DC then it’s not unreasonable to want to see them.

VickyEadieofThigh · 04/04/2023 20:33

On a different thread about a baby shower this week, at least one American made the point that bridal showers in the US tend to be held in place of hen dos and that showers of all kinds are generally not - as events in the UK tend to be - extended piss-ups.

And here we see evolution UK-style happening in the most inappropriate content possible- a weekend piss-up as a "baby shower". What next, I wonder? A weekend in Magaluf "baby shower"?

bumpytrumpy · 04/04/2023 20:36

mast0650 · 04/04/2023 14:51

In the UK it is a public holiday so I imagine most offices/businesses close & it sounds like OP is not working.

Oh is it? Fair enough. I always thought it was just the Easter Monday. I never take much notice of public holidays apart from Xmas. Often work Good Friday and Easter Monday.

I (and DH) work at a University that doesh't really mark bank/public holidays as such (obviously the big ones fall outside term anyway). My parents were teachers so were off anyway. Ditto school kids!

What university is this? All the ones I've worked at have definitely closed for bank holidays and often the Tuesdays after a Monday BH as a bonus day off

Puzzledandpissedoff · 04/04/2023 20:37

The 2 showers are with different groups of friends

To maximise the number of gifts perhaps?

TBH I wouldn't be going at all; instead I'd treat the friend to a nice lunch and buy something when the baby arrives - less cost overall and a lot less hassle

mast0650 · 04/04/2023 20:50

What university is this? All the ones I've worked at have definitely closed for bank holidays and often the Tuesdays after a Monday BH as a bonus day off

Oxford. Lectures, examinations etc all take place as normal for eg May Bank Holiday. My own contract doesn't even specify a fixed number of days off, never mind say anything about Bank Holidays. I'll certainly work this Good Friday and I could go into the office if I wanted to and I'm sure some of my colleagues will (but there won't be any lunch!).

Different for professional staff.

LaDamaDeElche · 04/04/2023 20:58

I think with the limited amount of holidays most working people get it’s normal to want to spend family time when you get the chance. I would feel bad about this too, although 13 year old DD probably wouldn’t care as much as I would.

KarmaStar · 04/04/2023 21:02

What's with these self indulgent baby showers,baby gender reveals?
Ya nbu to not want spend two days of your bank holiday appeasing her.

BluetheBear · 04/04/2023 21:09

At that age the kids are fine without you but do you want to go to two showers? Do you work? I work full time and imagine want to be with my own children at the weekend so think it's perfectly reasonable to say you'll just go to one or part of it.

Equalitea · 05/04/2023 06:09

I wouldn’t do it all because I wouldn’t want to with the cost and it being Easter weekend. My friends would understand.
One bottomless brunch I went to I couldn’t possibly have gone out afterwards anyway and my hangover wasn’t recovered by the next evening either.

Kittenmitten22 · 05/04/2023 09:43

Serious question, with absolutely no judgement: are you REALLY using your kids as an excuse, cause you just don't want to be out for 2 nights? Cause that's fine!

However, in my opinion, it's just 2 nights, your kids are old enough and you need a life too!

My boy was about 3 when I first left him for 2 nights (with his dad of course!), then again when we had a second, they were 1 and 4. Both for hen do's though, never heard of a 2 day baby shower!
Anyway, both kids were fine and it felt so good being just me for a couple of days!

KnickerlessParsons · 05/04/2023 10:03

imanewuser · 04/04/2023 12:41

Yes they will cope. But it's Easter weekend and I'm buggering off out for half of it. That seems unfair to them ?

At that age, they might quite like you not being there 😬

Original poster
imanewuser · 05/04/2023 10:10

I'm not using my kids as an excuse to not go out. What I am saying is that it's Easter weekend and a 4 day long weekend in UK. I work all week. It comes to the first bank holiday/long weekend of the year and I'm buggering off out with friends for the first day & eve and then the following eve. It just feels wrong. DH will be here for the DC. They may not even notice I'm not here tbh. But to me, it feels wrong.

OP posts:
Kittenmitten22 · 05/04/2023 10:21

If they and DH are happy for you to go, then there's nothing to feel 'wrong' about. In fact there is nothing to feel wrong about anyway.

BUT, it all boils down to you. If you really feel that way, then don't do it, simple! Personal preference. Not what a bunch of mumsnetters (including my self) say. 😀

80sMum · 05/04/2023 10:23

Whenharrymetsmelly · 04/04/2023 12:52

I'd totally get this for a hens, but I don't understand this when the "mom" can't even drink. I couldn't think of anything more depressing when I was pregnant than watching other people drink!

That made me feel quite sad, to think that you don't feel able to join in and have fun and enjoyment with friends unless consuming alcohol and that you find it depressing to be in the company of people consuming alcohol when you are not also consuming it.

I would gently suggest that you try from time to time to have a "dry" evening out and see how it goes. Ask yourself why it's so important for you to have alcohol and whether you would never be able to enjoy an evening out or a party again if for some reason you had to stop drinking it permanently.

Just make sure that you're the one in control and confirm to yourself that you can switch it on and off whenever you want to. Don't let the alcohol be the one in control of whether or not you can have an enjoyable night out.

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