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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have really struggled with this at work today?

133 replies

098j · 03/04/2023 18:22

I'll preface by saying that I have handed in my notice at work as I know it's not suitable for me, I functioned a lot better in my previous work environment so am looking for a new job that is better suited for me. I also strongly suspected that I am autistic.

This morning I logged onto work feeling really stressed out about a project of mine so I was already feeling overwhelmed. I find Mondays stressful as I have lots of meetings, so it's hard to get actual work done.

My manager messaged me and apologised for the late notice but that it was my turn to do 'show and tell' in our team meeting that morning (where we talk about something interesting we've recently watched/read/seen - usually something like a recent museum exhibit or art gallery they have attended) and they had forgotten to tell me. I had nothing prepared for it, and it just took me completely by surprise and I just burst into tears (I was WFH). I know I would have been expected to just muddle something together last minute but I can't. I get anxious speaking up in meetings that if I had known it was my time I would have spent my entire weekend thinking up something to talk about and preparing for it. If it had been a work-related presentation I would have been ok, but I find these more casual ice breaker kind of things stressful.

I feel silly for reacting like that, and don't know why I couldn't have just got on with it. I don't understand why I'm like this

OP posts:
EliflurtleTripanInfinite · 05/04/2023 04:56

Nicecow · 05/04/2023 04:20

I don't understand why everyone thinks this is such a terrible idea. It's nice to have a bit of an icebreaker and talk about something non-work related for a change and maybe learn something new and something about your colleagues. Some people really need to lighten up! Hmm

There's us told 😂

murielstacey · 05/04/2023 05:28

Nicecow · 05/04/2023 04:20

I don't understand why everyone thinks this is such a terrible idea. It's nice to have a bit of an icebreaker and talk about something non-work related for a change and maybe learn something new and something about your colleagues. Some people really need to lighten up! Hmm

Surely the fact that the vast majority of replies on this post absolutely hate the idea of this lovely fun 'icebreaker' suggests that it is not perhaps fulfilling its suggested intention.

ShandaLear · 05/04/2023 05:45

‘I was on Mumsnet and read a really interesting debate on which outfit a guest should wear for a wedding/infidelity in later years/the ethics of putting an AirTag or tracker on someone’s car without their knowledge/baby weaning/parking challenges/boys names. There were some interesting points of view. They included…On balance, the orange dress with the blue hat/infidelity is wrong regardless of age/generally a good thing/bollards was the prevailing view/Tarquinius and I largely agree with that because orange and blue go well together/it breaks trust and may lead to divorce/it let’s the baby make their own food choices/they prevent parking outside house/Unusual but can be shortened and sounds posh.’

It doesn’t need to be a big thing and it only needs to take a minute or two. While it’s not great putting you on the spot like that, this sort of thing is fairly easy to rustle up.

Original poster
098j · 05/04/2023 20:13

I'm so glad I posted this thread. I was expecting to be absolutely slated and told I need to grow up.

I feel so relieved that other people would have found this difficult and hate this kind of thing in the workplace. Everyone I work with seems to love it (we also do quizzes every week and most weeks someone will excitedly volunteer to do it). It really helps to know that there are people out there on a similar wavelength to me who hates all of this ice breakers corporate kind of things, and hopefully my next job will be more suited.

My manager still hasn't officially asked me to go next week. Do you think I can get out of it? If so, how? Can I really just say 'sorry I haven't had time to prepare anything'. My work takes this kind of thing quite seriously...

OP posts:
Irritateandunreasonable · 05/04/2023 20:36

098j · 05/04/2023 20:13

I'm so glad I posted this thread. I was expecting to be absolutely slated and told I need to grow up.

I feel so relieved that other people would have found this difficult and hate this kind of thing in the workplace. Everyone I work with seems to love it (we also do quizzes every week and most weeks someone will excitedly volunteer to do it). It really helps to know that there are people out there on a similar wavelength to me who hates all of this ice breakers corporate kind of things, and hopefully my next job will be more suited.

My manager still hasn't officially asked me to go next week. Do you think I can get out of it? If so, how? Can I really just say 'sorry I haven't had time to prepare anything'. My work takes this kind of thing quite seriously...

Absolutely… sorry, it’s to late notice for me to do this any sort of justice, next time!

Iam4eels · 05/04/2023 20:41

To manager

Just to let you know that I won't be making a presentation this week as I haven't had time to prepare and trying to do it 'on the hoof' is not something I'm comfortable with so you can pass it to whoever is next on the list.

Thanks

Nicecow · 06/04/2023 02:03

murielstacey · 05/04/2023 05:28

Surely the fact that the vast majority of replies on this post absolutely hate the idea of this lovely fun 'icebreaker' suggests that it is not perhaps fulfilling its suggested intention.

Show quote history

A lot of miserable people that can't cope with 10 minutes of fun once a week 😬

murielstacey · 06/04/2023 05:51

A lot of miserable people that can't cope with 10 minutes of fun once a week 😬

If most people don't find something 'fun', can it accurately be described as 'fun'? Smile

Greenertime · 06/04/2023 07:49

Nicecow · 06/04/2023 02:03

A lot of miserable people that can't cope with 10 minutes of fun once a week 😬

Show quote history

What’s fun about this though?

malificent7 · 06/04/2023 08:07

Total cringy bollocks op.

You can foster a fun workplace without this utter shite. Our managers provide a buffet at Christmas and organise the occasional night out ( optional) to celebrate someone's retirement / wedding etc.

They might do a sponsored fundraiser ( optional). Its a great place to work.
That is enough fun for me.

Daffodilwoman · 06/04/2023 08:19

I also hate this crap.
My workplace are doing daily tasks under the guise of boosting staff morale. I’ve already told them, the 2 things which would work for me are:

  1. Money. Either a pay rise or a one off payment.
  2. An extra days leave. I’m not interested in anything else.
DIYandEatCake · 06/04/2023 08:28

I’m autistic too and would react exactly the same - I envy people who can confidently talk about random stuff on the spot, but I’m definitely not one of them. I’m not much of a talker at all to be honest. There are people who could weave a hilarious/interesting story out of a trip to the supermarket - I am definitely not one of them. Last work meeting we had, the ice-breaker was ‘make up a sign language sign that sums up your personality’ - I just couldn’t do it (well, I could - mine would be something like putting my hands in front of my face to hide myself. But that really wouldn’t be what they’re looking for). People who have no social struggles just don’t get it. So many workplaces are geared up for neurotypical extroverts.

CrapBucket · 06/04/2023 08:38

OP what would be the best outcome for you - to find a way to not have to do this next week, or to find a way to be able to do it?

Some suggestions: say to your manager that you find the prospect very stressful and as you are leaving anyway, you should be left off the show and tell rota.

Or - prepare something and practice. It is bowel cancer awareness month and there are 5 symptoms to be aware of. You could do some slides about this.

Or - prepare the slides and tell your manager you simply don’t have the confidence to present but here is the material and can someone else present it, as a compromise, or do it jointly with someone.

Harrypewter · 06/04/2023 08:49

And people wonder why productivity is low with arsing about like this in the workplace.

SwedishEdith · 06/04/2023 09:43

What is your job and are you expected to do presenting regularly? Has this been introduced because there's a bit of a problem with the quality of some people's presenting skills (I'm assuming all of this is on Teams)?

You're leaving anyway so wouldn't give it much headspace now but without knowing what your team do and if there were other reasons for introducing this, difficult to say if it's a good or bad idea in general. But not reasonable of a manager to assume someone could do this easily at short notice especially someone autistic, which I assume they know about you even if you've not explicitly told them.

Pandajane · 07/04/2023 00:18

YANBU - the only good thing here was that your weekend wasn't entirely ruined worrying aboutm"showmand tell" ! What a ridiculous load of time wasting, ableist bllsht! I hope you find a more suitable role asap - you are definitely better off out of that environment.

Feuillemille23 · 07/04/2023 01:32

This jolly japes presenting let's all pretend to be a big happy family nonsense is why I loathe HR driven workplaces so much... some of us have actual jobs to do, thanks. As others have said, no wonder productivity in many sectors is so low when this rubbish is what often passes for work these days.

Kikisweb · 07/04/2023 08:32

My husband is autistic, purely being asked to do something off the cuff with no warning would have massively thrown him off and probably made him have a meltdown or shutdown as he cannot cope with changes to plans last minute. Which is very very common and a key autistic trait. He is a coach driver and had this issue last week when he was told at the very end of a stressful day when he was leaving to go home that he was expected to stay another a thoroughly clean a coach. He refused and arrived home in a dreadful state.

Just as an example !

KimberleyClark · 07/04/2023 08:45

That’s dreadful OP. Would have felt stressed out by this even if I’d had time to prepare, but to have it sprung on me, ugh.

KimberleyClark · 07/04/2023 08:52

I bloody hate things like this. And also when they say 'tell us something about you no one knows'. Well, the reason no one knows is because it's private and I don't want anyone to know!

I’d be so tempted to say something like “I have a tattoo of Kevin Costner’s face on my arse - moment of madness when I was young” or something like that.

Nicecow · 07/04/2023 08:53

Greenertime · 06/04/2023 07:49

What’s fun about this though?

Show quote history

It sounds like this is a team or organisation that does this to build up culture, which is usually a good thing. But of course there are always a few "fun sponges". The worst places I've worked have had disengaged staff who just come to "do their job" and go home. That's fine, but if the whole team is like this then it's a pretty depressing environment ime

CleaningOutMyCloset · 07/04/2023 08:56

I used to work for a company like this and absolutely hated it. I have a very well hidden social anxiety and this would have put it through the roof. It was the reason I left. I now work for a more family feel company who dont buy into all that corporate innovation bullshit and I'm so much happier

KimberleyClark · 07/04/2023 09:01

Nicecow · 07/04/2023 08:53

It sounds like this is a team or organisation that does this to build up culture, which is usually a good thing. But of course there are always a few "fun sponges". The worst places I've worked have had disengaged staff who just come to "do their job" and go home. That's fine, but if the whole team is like this then it's a pretty depressing environment ime

Show quote history

They’re ok done as a bit of light relief on a team training day. When everyone’s doing it and you’ve had time to prepare. Just not as a regular thing.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 07/04/2023 09:06

The worst places I've worked have had disengaged staff who just come to "do their job" and go home. That's fine, but if the whole team is like this then it's a pretty depressing environment ime

If a company has 'disengaged staff' then they could spend their time working out why and what to do about it rather than this sort of shite.

Greenertime · 07/04/2023 11:24

Nicecow · 07/04/2023 08:53

It sounds like this is a team or organisation that does this to build up culture, which is usually a good thing. But of course there are always a few "fun sponges". The worst places I've worked have had disengaged staff who just come to "do their job" and go home. That's fine, but if the whole team is like this then it's a pretty depressing environment ime

Show quote history

I think we have very different ideas of fun.