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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have really struggled with this at work today?

133 replies

098j · 03/04/2023 18:22

I'll preface by saying that I have handed in my notice at work as I know it's not suitable for me, I functioned a lot better in my previous work environment so am looking for a new job that is better suited for me. I also strongly suspected that I am autistic.

This morning I logged onto work feeling really stressed out about a project of mine so I was already feeling overwhelmed. I find Mondays stressful as I have lots of meetings, so it's hard to get actual work done.

My manager messaged me and apologised for the late notice but that it was my turn to do 'show and tell' in our team meeting that morning (where we talk about something interesting we've recently watched/read/seen - usually something like a recent museum exhibit or art gallery they have attended) and they had forgotten to tell me. I had nothing prepared for it, and it just took me completely by surprise and I just burst into tears (I was WFH). I know I would have been expected to just muddle something together last minute but I can't. I get anxious speaking up in meetings that if I had known it was my time I would have spent my entire weekend thinking up something to talk about and preparing for it. If it had been a work-related presentation I would have been ok, but I find these more casual ice breaker kind of things stressful.

I feel silly for reacting like that, and don't know why I couldn't have just got on with it. I don't understand why I'm like this

OP posts:
ShagratandGorbag4ever · 03/04/2023 20:18

Show and tell 😂does anyone in your organisation do any actual work? Come and join us in the public sector where there is not time for such nonsense.

lap90 · 03/04/2023 20:24

Does seem like a lot of hullabaloo over nothing.

Yes you weren't given 72 hours notice but it sounds like the sort of casual chat one has with colleagues about what they did at the weekend. Certainly not something one ought to get worked up about. It's not an interview or something you were to be graded on.

MsMcGonagall · 03/04/2023 20:28

I used to work somewhere where you'd say how you were doing at the start of a meeting. I used to have to prepare for this just as much as for the rest of the meeting, jot down some notes about what I wanted to say about myself personally. So I get where you're coming from OP. I'm also not brilliant at winging things.

It's good to know these things and play to your strengths at work, which you are doing by finding a more suitable job. I know myself well enough to know I couldn't do emergency services type work where you have to react quick. But if you want thorough, careful, comprehensive and attention to detail, I'm your woman.

icanneverthinkofnc · 03/04/2023 20:29

Reminds me of my son...actually he was at school still..just before gcse exam time when revision was in full swing..form tutor told him to do a shiw and tell...he got hold of a satanic Bible and he and his mate discussed their life as vampires..that was an interesting conversation with the HM...🤣 DS told HM that if they really wanted to waste his time, he would waste theirs.

In the workplace I would definitely take the piss with it!

Original poster
098j · 03/04/2023 20:34

For context it's just not 5 minutes talking about what you did at the weekend, but you are asked to prepare a few slides of something recent you did or read that was interesting. A bit of thought tends to go into them. For example, last week someone's presentation was about Chat GPT and things they've used it for.

OP posts:
BessieSurtees · 03/04/2023 20:35

I can imagine your anxiety @098j being autistic and then being given short notice that you had to talk about something interesting in a social setting could send you right out of your comfort zone.

Anyone with social anxiety would struggle with this. It’s a ridiculous idea anyway, I can’t imagine one member of our team at work thinking this was a good idea, what a load of croc.

What might be a good idea is if some posters on here could give you a good story to tell when it’s your turn ☺️

Original poster
098j · 03/04/2023 20:36

But I absolutely hate all of this kind of thing and it's the main reason I'm leaving. There's constant fun quizzes, ice breakers, scavenger hunts in the office. This week there is an Easter egg hunt in the office. Everyone loves it and I understand the thought behind it but I would rather be left to get on with my work in peace.

OP posts:
magicthree · 03/04/2023 20:38

If I had already handed my notice in I would have simply said there is not much point in doing this and they can find someone else. What are they going to do?

CornishGem1975 · 03/04/2023 20:39

098j · 03/04/2023 20:36

But I absolutely hate all of this kind of thing and it's the main reason I'm leaving. There's constant fun quizzes, ice breakers, scavenger hunts in the office. This week there is an Easter egg hunt in the office. Everyone loves it and I understand the thought behind it but I would rather be left to get on with my work in peace.

It's been like that in the last three places I've worked. It's meant to be fun, I think it is!

asimileofsomesmoke · 03/04/2023 20:42

YANBU YANBU YANBU. I really sympathise. Sounds ghastly.

I hate enforced "fun". It's not fun if it's compulsory. I bet at least half the people at your work who apparently love it also hate it - or at least find it kind of infantilising - but are better than you at faking enthusiasm.

And making people give presentations about their private hobbies is so twattish. It turns something that's meant to be relaxing into a show-off competition.

Congratulations on recognising this isn't for you and leaving.

gettingolderandgrumpier · 03/04/2023 20:47

MrsMoastyToasty · 03/04/2023 18:29

I would have said " I stayed home and watched paint dry. I like to keep my private life private."
I bet your colleagues will thank you. It sounds like a twattish policy anyway.

Same it pisses me off when colleagues want to chat about their weekends anyway on a Monday I just want to get my work done and get home . I really couldn’t be arsed with a show & tell , I’ve never heard of that before. Call me old fashioned but I fog to work to work .

tiaandduck · 03/04/2023 20:49

What a load of corporate bollocks.
Who cares about what your work colleagues did at the weekend or what they are reading!? And to use slides!? How cringe.
Other people saying you are childish for crying...well no, it's total overwhelm in a situation you aren't comfortable in, doing something that doesn't align with you. You are there to work, you wanted to work on your projects...no do show and tell and sit and listen to Susan's arty farty opinions on things that doesn't interest you.
Get yourself out of there and don't look back my love x

namechange3394 · 03/04/2023 20:50

Tobie · 03/04/2023 19:18

I will go against the grain and say that the OP's reaction in a workplace was over the top and very childish

Yes the icebreaker may not be ideal but it is probably your manager's attempt to get to know the staff beyond their roles and bring a little' 'fun' to the meeting before the main agenda items

Why not pick a book off your bookshelf to speak about, explain why you liked it, give a summary of what it is about etc-ready material at your hands

No one is grading your presentation and you have now been allowed to present next week instead so I assume that had you just spoken to your manager like an adult, and asked to present next week this would have been agreed without the tears Confused

You may find that in your new workplace you are asked on the spot in a team meeting to tell the team about yourself, your interests etc so cannot run away from on the spot discussions/ presentations etc

Maybe think of some general bits that you are happy to share about yourself on the spot, about a hobby, interest etc

As you said yourself, knowing in advance about the presentation in advance would have caused you stress all weekend, now you have a whole week to worry rather than just winging it at short notice and hoping for the best, the expectation of the quality of the presentation that you give next week will be higher as you have now had notice to prepare something better

Don't take yourself so seriously, most people will not have thought any more of your morning presentation beyond the time slot anyway

Did you miss the bit where the OP said she suspects she's autistic?

OP YANBU. I have a senior job. I present at large, senior meetings WITH PREPARATION. I can see myself getting extraordinarily stressed by this unexpected situation too (autistic).

Unsure33 · 03/04/2023 20:53

098j · 03/04/2023 20:36

But I absolutely hate all of this kind of thing and it's the main reason I'm leaving. There's constant fun quizzes, ice breakers, scavenger hunts in the office. This week there is an Easter egg hunt in the office. Everyone loves it and I understand the thought behind it but I would rather be left to get on with my work in peace.

I am with you . I hate this type of thing as well . It stresses me out and I feel uncomfortable and despite what people say I can’t see the point of it . I just would rather be getting on with my work .

cariadlet · 03/04/2023 20:54

@Tobie Did you miss the bit where the OP said that she strongly suspects she is autistic.

Calling her behaviour childish is unkind, unnecessary and ableist.

A lot of NT people, especially those who are fairly introverted, would hate having to go through this bullshit, especially if it was suddenly sprung on them.

For autistic people, it can be so much worse. Unexpected change can make us panicky, stressed and literally unable to make a decision.

Turnipworkharder · 03/04/2023 20:55

Is show and tell a thing at work ?

my 5 year old granddaughter does this at school.

I can't believe adults are meant to do this too 😂

pizzaHeart · 03/04/2023 20:56

Show and tell with slides for grown up people????
OP, please give them show and tell about MN next time: the first slide with list of topics, the second slide with list of acronyms, the third slide : positives and negatives. I can share my personal positives: learnt a lot of swearing words and colorful sarcastic phrases (English is my second language), tolerate visits to relatives better , more creative in arguing with DH, more patient with DD. Negatives: less free time, more forgetful about cleaning.
On a serious note I do get your reaction. It’s like they’ve exhausted your patience by these constant demands to join and be merry. Good luck with a new job.

readbooksdrinktea · 03/04/2023 20:58

That sounds like a nightmare place to work. Slides? Let's just absolutely not. I hate all the corporate team building shit.

I was in a workplace because they paid me to be there, and that's it. I wouldn't have cried, but YANBU to want no part of this stuff.

TortolaParadise · 03/04/2023 21:07

Perhaps this nonsense (dropping you in at the deep end) was just the last straw. Happens to most of us; I've been there for sure!

Iam4eels · 03/04/2023 21:11

Email your manager tomorrow and tell them that you won't be doing the presentation on Monday so can they skip to whoever is next on the list. You're leaving anyway so it's not like they can hold it against you.

Tinkerbyebye · 03/04/2023 21:16

Tobie · 03/04/2023 19:18

I will go against the grain and say that the OP's reaction in a workplace was over the top and very childish

Yes the icebreaker may not be ideal but it is probably your manager's attempt to get to know the staff beyond their roles and bring a little' 'fun' to the meeting before the main agenda items

Why not pick a book off your bookshelf to speak about, explain why you liked it, give a summary of what it is about etc-ready material at your hands

No one is grading your presentation and you have now been allowed to present next week instead so I assume that had you just spoken to your manager like an adult, and asked to present next week this would have been agreed without the tears Confused

You may find that in your new workplace you are asked on the spot in a team meeting to tell the team about yourself, your interests etc so cannot run away from on the spot discussions/ presentations etc

Maybe think of some general bits that you are happy to share about yourself on the spot, about a hobby, interest etc

As you said yourself, knowing in advance about the presentation in advance would have caused you stress all weekend, now you have a whole week to worry rather than just winging it at short notice and hoping for the best, the expectation of the quality of the presentation that you give next week will be higher as you have now had notice to prepare something better

Don't take yourself so seriously, most people will not have thought any more of your morning presentation beyond the time slot anyway

@Tobie

someone else who hasn’t actually read the thread and digested what was said? Or just plain nasty?

which are you?

Not everyone can stand up in front of people and speak like this, and i agree with a lot of other posters, it’s corporate bollocks and unnecessary , as is you calling someone’s reaction childish

People reacts to things in different ways, often dependant on what’s happened that day no reaction is right or wrong, that’s how someone feels and it’s nasty to call those feelings childish, especially in the ops case

how about an apology for your comments? Or aren’t you adult enough?

TruthsAndALie · 03/04/2023 21:21

What madness is this - a show and tell of ‘interesting’ things people do outside work - on work time?

W T A F

Lunch n learn is bad enough when it’s related to one’s job. Some random going to a museum at the weekend, I couldn’t care less about. If I did, they’d be my mate and could tell me outside ‘show and tell’.

Sorry you have to go through this and it’s stressful. Don’t lose faith, most people at work are nice and normal.

TruthsAndALie · 03/04/2023 21:24

@Tobie

If a manager wants to get to know people outside work they have to be prepared they have no right to.

If a manager wants to do an ice-breaker, perhaps they should actually do their job and think of something rather than passing the buck to employees.

If a manager has undergone the necessary training to do the job appropriately, they should be aware this sort of thing can be very decisive.

= shit manager

TruthsAndALie · 03/04/2023 21:24

*divisive

Lmber · 03/04/2023 21:27

It sounds awful. I think your response was fine.

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