Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have really struggled with this at work today?

133 replies

098j · 03/04/2023 18:22

I'll preface by saying that I have handed in my notice at work as I know it's not suitable for me, I functioned a lot better in my previous work environment so am looking for a new job that is better suited for me. I also strongly suspected that I am autistic.

This morning I logged onto work feeling really stressed out about a project of mine so I was already feeling overwhelmed. I find Mondays stressful as I have lots of meetings, so it's hard to get actual work done.

My manager messaged me and apologised for the late notice but that it was my turn to do 'show and tell' in our team meeting that morning (where we talk about something interesting we've recently watched/read/seen - usually something like a recent museum exhibit or art gallery they have attended) and they had forgotten to tell me. I had nothing prepared for it, and it just took me completely by surprise and I just burst into tears (I was WFH). I know I would have been expected to just muddle something together last minute but I can't. I get anxious speaking up in meetings that if I had known it was my time I would have spent my entire weekend thinking up something to talk about and preparing for it. If it had been a work-related presentation I would have been ok, but I find these more casual ice breaker kind of things stressful.

I feel silly for reacting like that, and don't know why I couldn't have just got on with it. I don't understand why I'm like this

OP posts:
TortolaParadise · 03/04/2023 21:29

There was a thread recently about bringing your authentic self to work. I see similarities in opinions/responses.

AffIt · 03/04/2023 22:37

The short notice wasn't great, I agree, but being asked to present in a professional environment isn't an infringement of the OP's human rights as some people seem to think.

I work in management consultancy and the ability to think on your feet is vital, because it will inevitably come up in a client meeting at some point, so these sort of activities in a 'friendly' environment made up of peers and colleagues is a useful exercise.

It's not 'organised fun' or whatever crap somebody called it - it's a learning exercise in a safe environment and the opportunity to practise your actual job: you know, the thing you get paid money to do.

OP, clearly it's not the environment for you, so you're doing the right thing by moving on - best of luck.

slightlysnippy · 03/04/2023 22:46

Don't blame yourself, if your manager was any good he/she would understand that some individuals need prep time and can't be asked to do things at short notice. I'm sure you have done, but good to tell your manager how you work at your best.

Ihavehadenoughalready · 03/04/2023 22:50

"Surely it's easy to think of something on the spot"

No, no it isn't. For some of us, our minds just go absolutely blank, and we feel on the verge of a panic attack. We cry, we excuse ourselves to the bathroom, we wonder why we can't just be "normal".

I understand OP completely.

AndiOliversFan · 03/04/2023 22:55

What sort of industry is this?

IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 03/04/2023 23:06

OP im curious is this civil service?

yodayoga1 · 03/04/2023 23:06

I'm neurotypical but introvert and would hate this. I also find it very childish. But I have an autistic DC and this sort of thing would kill her. You are doing the right thing getting out of there. So sorry.

Apollonia1 · 03/04/2023 23:11

I'm in a senior role and frequently have to do last-minute presentations.

Reading your OP, I had a quick think about what topic I'd cover if I had been you. And came up with...not much! I'm a single mum to toddlers - I've no time for exhibitions/ museums etc.
My "show and tell" would have been about taking my kids for a swimming lesson and going to the supermarket.

Ugzbugz · 03/04/2023 23:26

So embarrassing and childish. Is this a corporate environment?

I honestly feel like I go to school not work and I would say the pub because I love it.

2023andme · 03/04/2023 23:30

OMG what am I reading? That sounds absolutely dreadful, I would absolutely hate this and I'm a sociable and outgoing person. I go to work to work and then finish on time and do what I wanna do, wasting time on this kind of crap would send me over the edge too.

Iam4eels · 03/04/2023 23:34

It puts pressure on employees to do 'something' presentation worthy with their free time and presumes they won't mind spending some of that free time putting together slides.

Not everyone wants to do 'something' with their weekend beyond ordering pizza and watching TV. Some people can't afford things like shows or museums or galleries (or enjoy going to them). Some people are in abusive relationships and spend their weekends with their abuser trying not to trigger matters. Some people care for disabled or unwell family members and spend their weekends with the person they care for. Some people spend their weekends doing things they don't necessarily want to share with other people for whatever reason as is their right. Some people like to compartmentalise their lives and keep work firmly in the work box and home firmly in the home box with no crossover between the two as is also their right.

It is a shitty task. It's intrusive, puts unnecessary pressure on employees, and smacks of lazy management. I bet they refer to the workplace as "big happy family" and at least one person has a sign on their desk saying that you don't need to be mad to work there but it helps ...

Jenn3112 · 03/04/2023 23:48

I am autistic. I generally get on OK by anticipating what I am going to get stressed over and either avoid it completely or run head long into if its unavoidable. On finding out my work did something this odd, I would probably have planned a topic well in advance to discuss if I got picked. Also, if you think you might be autistic, are you on the WL for an assessment? Not being asked to do crazy crap things at the last minute would seem to be a reasonable adjustment where its not directly job related.

SheSaidHummingbird · 04/04/2023 00:20

"This weekend? Oh, well I re-activated my accounts with all the recruiting sites and job-hunted my a* off. I then drank a whole bottle of wine and passed out in front of Netflix, dreaming about the days where I won't have to participate in show and tell when I'm holding the talking stick on the playmat."

SheSaidHummingbird · 04/04/2023 00:21

"Oh, and I have a few post-wine selfies if you'd like me to share?"

Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 04/04/2023 01:02

I think I would have opted for either :
a) I activated my time machine (bought of eBay for £5) and have somehow got stuck in a primary school classroom doing show and tell in 1970. Anyone know how to calibrate it so I can go back to 2023?
or
b) what I did at the weekend cannot be divulged due myself having to sign the official secrets act as a result of said activities last weekend.

Cornchip · 04/04/2023 01:23

Is Michael Scott your manager?

Seriously though, what a dumb policy.

bluedomino · 04/04/2023 01:40

@Tobie are you the type of manager that makes your staff do this crap? I think managers who do this are trying to create work for themselves. It's nosy and intrusive. Someone may be having a horrible home life and work is their escape. Work colleagues are not friends and people have a right to privacy. Whilst the management may be able to sit around listening to "fun" presentations and thinking up "zany" activities, most people just want to plough through their work. It should like OPs employer has too many managers.

Coyoacan · 04/04/2023 03:51

I've no reason to believe I am any way neurodiverse but I hate all that artificial team-building rubbish and it is generally imposed in the worst workplaces

barmycatmum · 04/04/2023 04:17

Oh my god, how I loathe workplaces that try to force a good, healthy workplace culture by doing this stupid shit instead of actually doing the work that falls, as it should, on management and executives to BE BETTER.

you’re not unreasonable. When we’re already stressed and at a breaking point, God knows a seemingly small thing can shatter us to bits.

it was also just rude and thoughtless “oh oops, by the way, it’s you” fuck that.

glad you’re getting out. Focus on that!

InSpainTheRain · 04/04/2023 06:09

A job where you do Show and Tell seems a bonkers waste of time. But just make something up and use it as an opportunity to feel more comfortable presenting. Pick something you've done in the past and use that.

cherish123 · 04/04/2023 11:36

What a waste of everyone's time. You are not at primary school. Just tell them you are not comfortable with it. I am pretty sure it's not in your job description (unless you work in the circus).

Antiquiteas · 04/04/2023 11:59

Organised fun like this is such a load of bollocks. Show and Tell? Are you fucking kidding me?

Harrypewter · 04/04/2023 12:07

AffIt · 03/04/2023 22:37

The short notice wasn't great, I agree, but being asked to present in a professional environment isn't an infringement of the OP's human rights as some people seem to think.

I work in management consultancy and the ability to think on your feet is vital, because it will inevitably come up in a client meeting at some point, so these sort of activities in a 'friendly' environment made up of peers and colleagues is a useful exercise.

It's not 'organised fun' or whatever crap somebody called it - it's a learning exercise in a safe environment and the opportunity to practise your actual job: you know, the thing you get paid money to do.

OP, clearly it's not the environment for you, so you're doing the right thing by moving on - best of luck.

'so these sort of activities in a 'friendly' environment made up of peers and colleagues is a useful exercise.

It's not 'organised fun' or whatever crap somebody called it - it's a learning exercise in a safe environment and the opportunity to practise your actual job: you know, the thing you get paid money to do'.

Nonsense, these exercises are nothing but drivel. A useful exercise in wasting time and unduly pressurizing those who struggle to speak publicly, especially about their private lives. I do wish businesses would bugger off with work being a friendly family environment encroaching on personal and private lives.
Irritating.

mumwon · 04/04/2023 12:37

tell them about your shopping in the supermarket, what you bought and didn't buy in excruciating detail, sales items and offers what wasn't available. Like alist and bring along your shopping list and the receipt
That will teach them

kingtamponthefurred · 04/04/2023 12:43

No wonder the economy is going down the pan when this nonsense qualifies as work.

Swipe left for the next trending thread