Philip Schofield: As far as I am concerned, I no longer have a brother."

[DancingWithMashedPotato]

Philip Schofield's brother had now been convicted of sexual abuse with a young boy over a 3 yr period. Horrendous crime. Philip Schofield has now stated "As far as I am concerned, I no longer have a brother.""

Now, it's completely up to Philip how he responds to his brother in what must be a v v stressful time. I cast no judgement whatsoever, and his life in the public eye adds so many new dimensions for him that must be hard to handle.

However, his comments about no longer having a brother really cut deep and made me wonder how I'd react

I adore my siblings and I think (though obviously things might be different if it actually happened) that I couldn't bring myself to disown or abandon my brother's no matter what they did. I can imagine some very limited events which might lead to me not speaking to them for a bit, perhaps a v long time. But I think by and large, no matter what they did, however bad, while there are some things I couldn't forgive and maybe could never understand, I don't think I could disown them. AIBU?

What are your views? Are there some things you absolutely would disown your family for? Are there some generally agreed limits for what a person can tolerate from a family member before they are disowned. Is child abuse the line? Murder?

I think it happens more often than people might think.

My cousin sexually abused my niece when she was six. Extended family 'didn't believe it'. It blew the family apart and it's very, very devastating.

I haven't spoken to them since because denying it happened is as bad as doing it yourself as far as I'm concerned. That meant losing Aunties, Uncles, Grandparents - the lot.

I'm not a fan of Phillip AT ALL, and don't think he's some hero after what he did to his wife. But presuming he is innocent, he has my sympathies because it really is a terrible thing to go through.

My mother didn't disown her brother.

She didn't even stop leaving her oldest daughter unsupervised with him at the age of 4 when she was convinced of what he was doing.

To this day, he is still on her Christmas card list, friends list, gets invited to all the things.

Guess who she ISN'T in contact with?
Guess who was left to live a life with no help for being abused?
Guess who she broke so she could pretend her own sibling was so wonderful?

You betray a child when you stay in contact with a child abuser.

Well done him. My mum married a man who she knew sexually abused his own children and has continued to abuse children since they’ve been together. I no longer have a mother and will never see her again.

The reality thou is that most people don’t take this stance, as much as MN says they would. One in every 4-5 children is sexually abused. We almost all have an abuser in our close families. They are rarely convicted but most are known. People keep their heads down and play happy families because it’s easier.

I have 2 men in my family convicted of child sexual abuse. Other than the children abused, we are the only ones to have gone NC. Everyone else just pretends it didn’t happen and gives them unlimited contact with their dc. So yes, well done him. I hope he sticks with it.

I agree.

No, they would be dead to me. I would want nothing to do with them.

Sorry @Brokendaughter . I know of what you speak. Both sickening - and common. Sending you all the good thoughts.

My brother was charged with online sex offences against children then killed himself before he was convicted. I wish he was still alive. Its all very well and good saying you would disown them. I had the decision taken out my hands and now I'm not so sure what I would have done.

I'm not a celebrity and my job wouldn't be on the line so no such incentive!

I should make clear that I wouldn't have allowed any contact under any circumstances with my children, and would have reported contact with any children I knew he would have contact with to the police. I just couldn't wish him dead.

I don't have children or siblings-I think this does matter in that I don't have the sorts of emotions that go with those relationships.
However, my gut instinct is that I'd disown a sibling for this most definitely.

I am not sure I'd disown a child. I'd probably want to off myself if a child of mine turned out to be a child abuser, but I am not sure I'd disown them. That's your child. I just, I don't know-I don't think I could.

Like the OP says, similar here in that I am a counsellor. I've counseled peodophiles (note, not child abusers but peodophiles) and I've also worked for the police for quite a long time. Perhaps somewhat desensitised to the horror that is humanity.
I also almost took a job (while in the police) categorising indecent imagery/footage. I passed interview, I am pragmatic and knew it would not affect me seeing those things as much as it might the next person. I only didn't take it because the pay was laughable, less than you'd get for working in the contact centre.

100% my thoughts. He only cares about his self image. Read what I put abot Connor Byrne's twitter comment.

He didn't disown his brother when his brother admitted it to him face to face. In fact, he didn't even go to the police. But now the public know, suddenly he's no longer his brother. He knew a child was being abused and did nothing to stop it. That's it. End of.

Op, some of the people on this thread have experienced trauma (myself included) and haven’t gone on to abuse children. Just wanted to remind you of that.

I'm so sorry you went through that. I did too. It was my stepfather and what hurts more is that his daughter, who was also a victim visited him in prison and stood by him. I have had no contact with her since.
Fortunately he died just as he was due to be released. What people don't realise is there is no rehabilitation because they don't think they are doing anything wrong.
People need to start using words like rape, because that is what it is. I think saying abuse, although that's bad does not convey strongly enough what goes on. I hope that conveys what I'm trying to say.
As for Schofield I've never liked him now I know why.

His brother confessed it all to PS and PS didn’t even ring the police ! He sat on that information. It was the victims therapist who called the police. PS stating that today utter utter lies. He’s just as bad as his brother.

The point is, most reactions on here are 'when you found out'. Philip schofield has known for a long time and only now has he decided to disown him. Definitely to save his career.

Who would you report it to though, if the young man was 16 or PS believed he was being told about a 16 year old the police won't be interested, 16 year olds can consent to sex. It's off for a man of his age and a 16 to be involved but it isn't illegal. If he went to the police they wouldn't be interested.

@DancingWithMashedPotato

I agree. I think that labelling them as evil to the core adds to the problem. I dont minimise the offences, however I want to understand why people offend in this way, I want to understand the triggers and I need to believe in capacity to change. I think wishing people dead and cutting them off is a missed opportunity to prevent further abuse.

I think with anyone (including siblings) other than my own children, I’d disown without a second thought. If it was one of my own kids I’d be repulsed and hate them but I’d be conflicted as I’d feel some level of guilt wondering what I’d done for them to become such monsters. It would probably be some weird guilt that I must have done something wrong that would stop me from completely abandoning them.

Can I ask how you came to work with peadophiles if they were not child abusers? Just curious if these are people who come forward for treatment to avoid offending?

Philips always been an odious and dishonest man who hardly stays away from the young men himself (albeit obviously am not accusing him of the same as his brother). It was not that long ago that he was accused of grooming a student at a performing arts school of which he was a patron, said child became and adult and spent an awful lot of time with him in very dubious circumstances until it became reasonably public knowledge and the poor young man was, it seems, hit with NDA's and an injunction. Lots of evidence online for those who wish to look.

He has said himself in his statement that his brother came to his house to tell him the "details" of what he had done with this poor child, and that he told him essentially that he didn't want to know, and not to do it again. I don't recall that he disowned his brother at that point, or rushed to be the first to report him.

Anyone who thinks its coincidence that he's "disowned" him now it's made all the papers is daft. I would be curious to know if he's contributed towards any legal fees.

I do think it’s important though for people to understand that these decisions to go NC (as anyone who has gone NC knows) more of a process than a black and white decision one day.

I don’t actually think it’s unusual or suspicious that it’s taken him this long to make this decision. It’s so so rare for people to actually go NC with a family member in this situation and usually, speaking from my own experiences, it does take years for people to come to terms with what’s happened. Often people need to hear the outcome of the trial to ‘believe’ what’s happened.

I went NC with the abusers in my family as soon as I found out (both were ‘step’ relations who had married into the family when I was an adult, so honestly, no loss to me whatsoever). But it took several years to truly come to terms with close family members’ reactions to the abuse. I really tried hard for about 3 years to get them to come around to understanding how serious this all was before we went NC.

Given most people never go NC with an abuser after finding out what they’ve done, it doesn’t strike me as odd that it’s only come out now after the trial. I’m not exactly a huge Phil fan, but it sounds pretty normal to me, given my experiences.

My brother stole from my child.
He's still my brother because brother is just the label for a male sibling.
I can't disown the fact we have the same parents and grew up together but I stopped speaking to him that day.
I would consider forgiving if he was forthcoming with an apology and pays back what he took.
I doubt that will happen.
I've seen him once since then, at a family funeral, I was polite but distant.
It's hard for my mum, she'd love to have us all together which I understand, my sister's don't speak to him either for their own reasons I'm not completely clear about.
Mum knows better than to try to force the issue or create an issue by inviting him anywhere, she still sees him on her own.

As far as I'm concerned This Morning no longer has a lead presenter.

He should be sacked, and hopefully the full truth can come out.

Saddm - 💐

He knew - he knew long before the court case - this is career damage limitation.

If he was a moral man (which he is clearly not) he would have reported his brother and disowned him long before it became public knowledge.