Aibu to think that the most successful kids in schools are the ones with money pumped into extracurriculars & camps?

[Imarealwoman]

In the dc's school the dc in the top sets are the ones who do expensive extracurriculars outside school eg piano, dancing, horse riding, swimming lessons, Spanish etc..
They stay after school for the baking or yoga clubs. It's Easter & the top set kids all seem to be doing expensive camps next week & some gone skiing this week.
Aibu to think one needs to have the money to pump into your child in order to have a high performer?

Hopefully you blossomed at Oxford and found a hobby that you loved.

So you did horse riding and guides.

The most successful DC tend to be those with the most invested and focused parents. These parents often arrange a lot of EC activities. Correlation not causation.

I was in top set for everything right the way through high school and came out with fantastic GCSEs and we didn't have a pot to piss in. Your theory is crap.

So as they have got older they can do activities if its an independent social activity but but presumably not when they were small. Didn't they learn to swim? Do any dance lessons? Play football? Perhaps they went to schools that did lots of free well structured clubs?

Nope - lessons in school.

The concert thing makes sense. If they've had individual music tuition from an early age, then thrh are likely to be good performers. Holiday camps I'm not so sure about. That tends to be more the adults needing to work and they'll pay for childcare.

Fair enough that’s different to our area.

And why is it sad they're not in the top set? Maybe they're not that academic but are interested in other things. There's a whole world out there that's not academia!

Or alternatively my dd is in bottom sets for everything, massively struggles academically. However she swims about 10 hours a week, rides and enjoys doing drama outside of school. I encourage these things as not only does she enjoy them, has made friends, it keeps her fit etc, they are also things she is 'good' at, so she feels she is achieving in something.

DS14 in in a mix of set 1 and 2 classes and has always been generally a good performer academically.
We don't pump any money into this but time. He was always read to and encouraged to read. Always taken out and about seen the world around him and natural curiosity encouraged.
He has been supported with homework/school activities.
Clubs wise he swam until age 8/9 and has played football from age 5/6, which has helped him socially but certainly not academically.

Youngest is 4.. Who knows how academic or not he may be but again we do stories, songs, ask him questions and listen to his answers. He does plenty free activities such as gardening with grandad, visiting the library, exploring parks and the seaside.

I firmly believe time, support and encouragement can help academically.

Neither child will of attended a particularly outstanding school or had music lessons, tutors etc

Probably both will have attended some kind of sport club

Dc3 hated being read to, barely reads now. Tolerated primary school, did loads of sports outside school as that was their passion. I think they may have put up with the odd museum here and there. Now 17 and still very sporty but also doing well at A level. Never spent much time gaming or on phones.

I think a big chunk of it is IQ and then hopefully supportive family who value education. I know theres some difficulty acknowledging it but some people are just actually smart. You can tutor to a point, I don’t think any amount of tutoring would have enabled me to get a chemistry A-Level. I don’t think doing shit tons of Yoga would have got me a chemistry A-level either. It’s always going to be cognitive ability + effort.

We live in a relatively deprived area. Both of my children do extra curriculars and have done since they were small. They also went to camps when younger whilst we were working.
They are doing well at school and are regularly praised for their behaviour (youngest has dyslexia so does have some struggles.)
The extra activities meant they have friends with parents with similar values to mine (ie not wasting their life hanging around in huge groups in the town centre for hours🙄) and it gives them a purpose, my youngest enjoys riding and is progressing really well- it means even when she is struggling with the dyslexia she has something she is good at and can aim for higher achievements, it isn't all about school.
If you can afford it and the kids enjoy it I would say there are many benefits to doing the extras, I will have to wait and see how mine do as adults compared to their peers though.

It's a lot about developing a work ethic too. Dc who do extra curricular do know they have to work at it and sometimes it is hard work.
Whether it's swimming or horse riding, sometimes they don't feel like it but they learn that they have to go, that's their priority during that time slot.
They learn how to apply that work ethic and sense of priority to school work too.
I don't think you need to do lots of activities but even one, or even being responsible for chores can help to develop that.

Yes I agree. Also dealing with disappointment ie not getting picked for teams etc it's all very useful. Im sure anyone who can afford it would encourage a young child to have a hobby out of school or home. Certainly dds ballet classes and football classes were not in the least middle class - both based in the middle of the roughest estate in town.

It's not just about money. It's also about time, energy and headspace. If you're working three minimum wage jobs and live in a damp cold overcrowded house you don't have much of anything left for museum trips.

Also £13 for a 13 minute piano lesson once a week may not seek a lot, but for some people that's more than the spare money they have for the entire family. And that's one child. And you're not going to get far if you don't have a piano to practice on.

One of the best indicators of child performance is how far the mother got in education....not how many cakes you baked or whether you go to summer camps.

Re, the above. Watch 'twin studies', BBC, Robert Winston, youtube.

yes, I know the cost of these activities, and it can be done very cheaply.

Camping holidays by public transport are a fraction of the cost of travelling abroad, it can be expensive, but it can be very cheap too, cooking has to be done anyway, singing is free, voluntary work is free, days out can be free, lots of sport is very cheap, swimming is the only thing I mentioned which is costly

Conversation is free, reading together is free, growing a few things in a pot is very cheap.

I know what all these things cost, as I did it all with my children, as a single parent

Cocolocobaby, you need yo do a stint at my school to see how wildly off the mark and prejudiced your 'Harriet and Jayden' analogy is. I shudder to think that there are teachers who harbour socially stigmatising attitudes like yours. Urgh.

I’m sorry, but i cannot believe that not everyone can spend half an hour with their child every night reading, doing some research on the internet (about what they are learning at school) and practicing times tables in the car to school. I also use reading eggs and IXL in car journeys.

it just depends how much you want to do it.

Yes, but don’t forget they will also be feeling the Burnout. I know someone whose 2 kids age 9&6 to after school activities 5 days a week. I think it’s cruel - where is their chill time, when can they relax?! Having worked with teens I’ve seen first hand bow the pressure and constant activity + school work eventually breaks them.

"Camping holidays by public transport are a fraction of the cost of travelling abroad, it can be expensive, but it can be very cheap too, cooking has to be done anyway, singing is free, voluntary work is free, days out can be free, lots of sport is very cheap, swimming is the only thing I mentioned which is costly

Conversation is free, reading together is free, growing a few things in a pot is very cheap."

I spent loads of time doing all the free and cheap stuff mentioned with dc and encourage my dc to do voluntary work and sign up for ambassador activities at school.

You pass on your own passions. I love going out, nature, astronomy, science and geography so I spent lots of time talking to my dc about these things and doing activities.
It didn't cost anything to look at the stars, watch the International Space Station go by, watch a launch on tv, find countries on the globe, discover local wildlife, feed the birds and identify them and so on.
It's all about engagement and work ethic.