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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Teenager on school trip - what is normal?

122 replies

cathyg1979 · 03/04/2023 10:46

Okay, I actually have two separate AIBU questions here and would really welcome some frank advice on both, so feel free to be tough with me.

My 13yo is currently on a school skiing trip, it's his first one abroad though he's been away from home before, both on a residential trip in the UK and multiple sleepovers.

His coach was affected by the Dover hold-ups so it took them a total of 36 hours to get to their location, during which time he had a total of 4 hours sleep. They arrived yesterday morning and went straight to do a full day of skiing, and then dinner and an activity in the evening.

During all of this time, he's sort of kept in touch via WhatsApp in a sort of basic monosyllabic teenage boy way. Sometimes this was saying he's okay, but occasionally to give us the odd alarming detail (like he spent the final 12 hours of the coach journey without anything to drink, and that people were throwing up). Tried to speak to him on the phone yesterday but I could tell all his friends were around and he basically couldn't talk.

Since they set off from school on Friday late afternoon, we've had no updates at all from the school - not during the 36 hour coach journey, not to let us know they'd arrived safely and nothing since. Because of all the Dover drama, I can see that other schools are constantly updating on their kids' progress on social media.

.... and so I'm generally just feeling a bit anxious. Probably not helped by the fact that he is not the most chilled kid in the world, he can be a bit of a worrier and sleep badly in new places. He does love skiing so not worried about the athletic side of things. Basically, I think I just want to know how he is and that he's feeling okay (or that he isn't.)

So... first AIBU? Should I just leave him alone, stop hassling him to message me, let him get on with it and trust that if he's in any serious trouble, school will phone me?

Second AIBU... on a trip like this, is it normal to expect any/some kind of communication from the school with updates on how they are getting on?

OP posts:

CarPoor · 04/04/2023 09:29

I think for the secondary ski trip I would expect teenagers to be able to notify their own parents they've arrived safely, which your DS did. I would only expect yo contact parents if something had happened

I would also expect them to manage their own water intake

God I was only at school 10yrs ago and parents were never notified. Only if you were hospitalised or something.

StarmanBobby · 04/04/2023 09:30

leave him to it.
Presumably there's a contact no for teachers that you can use to check all is ok?

DrHousecuredme · 04/04/2023 09:51

Yes I think generally on a school trip it's accepted (even for smaller kids) that you leave them alone, let them get on with it and the staff will alert you if there's an actual problem.
In the circumstances I do get why you're worried but this is a chance for the two of you to practice independence from one another.
He'll be home, driving you mad soon enough 😊

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 04/04/2023 09:55

CarPoor · 04/04/2023 09:29

I would also expect them to manage their own water intake

God I was only at school 10yrs ago and parents were never notified. Only if you were hospitalised or something.

I agree , these are teenagers, they aren't young children. They should be competent enough to text home and say they've arrived and know how to look after themselves. If they aren't, maybe you should teach them.

greenacrylicpaint · 04/04/2023 10:05

I agree with others.
don't contact him again (unless there is a genuine emergency)

enjoy the quiet

look forward to a very tired child returning and a mountain of laundry

UnctuousUnicorns · 04/04/2023 11:22

I'm in my 50s now, but spent a week with my school, in the Lakes and then the Trossachs, in my final two years of primary, so aged 10 and 11. There was no contact between my parents and myself for the weeks I was away.

Similarly, our thirteen year old DD (who missed out on school trips due to lockdown) is currently doing an independents adventure week at a PGL centre, while DH and I enjoy a break at a caravan park half an hour away. All with people she's never met before. She couldn't wait to see the back of us, and we don't expect to hear from her, or the staff, the entire week unless there's a problem.

I know the delays at the ports have been rubbish for everyone, but your son will be fine. If he were ill or injured or anything like that, you would be contacted. I hope your son enjoys the rest of his trip. 🙂

"mountain of laundry" oh yeah, we've got that to look forward to. 😅 We're picking DD up on Saturday morning, going to be commandeering the park launderette when we get back here.

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/04/2023 11:48

My dd is also skiing atm. The school has an Instagram site. I don’t remember being told in letters home about the ski trip, it’s only because I had a f2f with the trip leader as dd has a medical condition and we needed to agree how to manage this from a safeguarding perspective and he told me then.

I would search fb, Twitter and insta to see if there is an account. And as others have said, I’d only contact the school through the mobile tel nos we’ve been given in an emergency.

I would only contact the school if you had a safeguarding concern (which you don’t ) or if you have urgent information to convey to the school / your ds. I’m sure he’s having a fab time. The teachers sound like absolute troopers.

Hbh17 · 04/04/2023 12:04

He's 13 & he's fine. You don't need an "update" from him or the school. Don't forget that when we went on school trips in the 70s & 80s, there was no communication with parents for the whole week, which was much more sensible.
Just let your son enjoy his trip.

CaptainMyCaptain · 04/04/2023 12:13

The delay will have been rubbish at the time but it will have been a bonding experience with his school mates and they will be talking about it for years to come. He'll be fine.

TheMoth · 04/04/2023 12:30

School will probably start posting pictures on sm soon enough.

Ds went on camp to the opposite side of the country last summer, with scouts, when he was 12. He didn't even say goodbye to me! 1 picture posted by scouts, then I saw him a week later. Didn't bother me. I assumed I'd be told if he'd got lost/ been eaten by a jellyfish.

MamaBear4ever · 04/04/2023 14:05

We have just had the same messages from teenager saying everyone throwing up om the way back nothing from school at all. They were coming back into the UK from Dover so weren't delayed thankfully. Sure if there was any major issues school would let you know

AskMeMore · 04/04/2023 14:19

Take with a pinch of salt the everyone throwing up.

Couldntthinkofausername24 · 04/04/2023 15:25

Omg this would stress me out no end. I wouldn't expect the parents to message constantly but a courtesy message to say they have arrived safe would have been nice.

How hard is it really to prepare before hand and add everyone's mobile number to a text message and send a one text fits all type message.

I don't know. Maybe it's just me!

Hope he has a great time

cyclamenqueen · 04/04/2023 23:22

Marchforward · 04/04/2023 08:23

Most schools I’ve worked in have all staff term time only except for a skeleton caretaking staff. They can’t afford full time staff.

Show quote history

Teachers often say things like this to me, I ask them who they think paid them in the school holidays.

maddy68 · 04/04/2023 23:40

He's having fun. On our school trips we used to ban phones As parents scurry always had an adverse effect on kids He's with his friends , busy and has forgotten all about you. Leave him be If there was a problem they would tell you.

Coach trips are vom comets that's expected

solidaritea · 04/04/2023 23:42

Couldntthinkofausername24 · 04/04/2023 15:25

Omg this would stress me out no end. I wouldn't expect the parents to message constantly but a courtesy message to say they have arrived safe would have been nice.

How hard is it really to prepare before hand and add everyone's mobile number to a text message and send a one text fits all type message.

I don't know. Maybe it's just me!

Hope he has a great time

A) Pretty hard, if you don't have a work mobile. Which very few schools do.

B) Even if it was easy, it would be yet another job on top of all of the jobs already required to take a group of teenagers on a school trip abroad. As it's not necessary, it's OK to miss out. They'll be in touch if they need to be.

Becles · 05/04/2023 08:09

Couldntthinkofausername24 · 04/04/2023 15:25

Omg this would stress me out no end. I wouldn't expect the parents to message constantly but a courtesy message to say they have arrived safe would have been nice.

How hard is it really to prepare before hand and add everyone's mobile number to a text message and send a one text fits all type message.

I don't know. Maybe it's just me!

Hope he has a great time

but a courtesy message to say they have arrived safe would have been nice.

She already got messages direct from her son to let her know he's arrived, and some if the activities he's been doing.

She wants more detail on top of that. Although presumably keeping in contact with parents is exactly why the school permitted the teenagers to bring mobiles.

OP is complaining that all she knows about her son's first day so far is:
They've arrived
They're checked in to accommodation
They've skied
He's been fed dinner
They've done evening activities
He's been too busy spending time with his friends to speak with her for as long / in as much detail as she needs to stop being anxious despite the above information

Marchforward · 05/04/2023 08:20

cyclamenqueen · 04/04/2023 23:22

Teachers often say things like this to me, I ask them who they think paid them in the school holidays.

Show quote history

In schools I’ve worked in this has always been out sourced to the local authority. Even in maintained schools they have paid the LEA to do it for them.

LBFseBrom · 05/04/2023 08:23

If there was anything to worry about, you would hear, op.

I presume the trip isn't very long and your son will soon be home. Don't worry, he'll be fine and will tell you all about it eventually.

I do understand how you feel, been there years ago.

sgtmajormum · 05/04/2023 16:54

My son is currently on a school trip abroad. I have had zero communication from school and don't expect to get any. They all have mobile phones and he is quite capable of sending me a WhatsApp to tell me he arrived (which he did)
I've had a message from him each evening when he gets back to the hotel (and enters WiFi zone)
He has moaned his room is small, so I just reassured him he will be busy out on tours each day and it's just a space to sleep. He seems fine.
Try not to be anxious, he will be fine and it is a good experience for them to be away from home and learn to be self reliant

AFriendToEveryoneIsAFriendToNoOne · 05/04/2023 17:14

Gosh when I was at school in the dim and distant past (late 90s) we did yearly trips abroad for 2-4 days and the coach journey was always 28hrs plus. We had no mobiles then and our parents didn't hear from us from when we left until we got back.

We got up to all sorts that definitely wouldn't happen these days - I hope. I mean one teacher bought a small bottles of vodka for us in year 10 one evening. Another they took us out to what we thought was a nightclub in Europe but in hindsight was more of a pub with dance floor. We were all drinking alcopops, the teachers were three sheets to the wind, everyone was smoking (indoors) and we all slept in in the morning, in the wrong rooms (including boys in with us, no hanky panky but genuine fun), because we'd got in so late and were feeling ropey. There was no trouble though. Everyone 'behaved'. Remarkable really.

Good times, fab memories, a safeguarding horror - but not once did I miss my mum or feel like I needed to contact her! If she'd have known she'd probably have flown out to collect me and ruined all of my fun!

boopee · 06/04/2023 14:55

Ah the good old ski trips. No mobiles in my day so we never had any contact with our parents. Except the ones who broke their leg/wrist/arm/whatever, of which there was always at least one or two.

So if I were you OP I'd just sit tight and hope your son isn't one of the ones who ends up with a broken bone!

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