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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teenager on school trip - what is normal?

122 replies

cathyg1979 · 03/04/2023 10:46

Okay, I actually have two separate AIBU questions here and would really welcome some frank advice on both, so feel free to be tough with me.

My 13yo is currently on a school skiing trip, it's his first one abroad though he's been away from home before, both on a residential trip in the UK and multiple sleepovers.

His coach was affected by the Dover hold-ups so it took them a total of 36 hours to get to their location, during which time he had a total of 4 hours sleep. They arrived yesterday morning and went straight to do a full day of skiing, and then dinner and an activity in the evening.

During all of this time, he's sort of kept in touch via WhatsApp in a sort of basic monosyllabic teenage boy way. Sometimes this was saying he's okay, but occasionally to give us the odd alarming detail (like he spent the final 12 hours of the coach journey without anything to drink, and that people were throwing up). Tried to speak to him on the phone yesterday but I could tell all his friends were around and he basically couldn't talk.

Since they set off from school on Friday late afternoon, we've had no updates at all from the school - not during the 36 hour coach journey, not to let us know they'd arrived safely and nothing since. Because of all the Dover drama, I can see that other schools are constantly updating on their kids' progress on social media.

.... and so I'm generally just feeling a bit anxious. Probably not helped by the fact that he is not the most chilled kid in the world, he can be a bit of a worrier and sleep badly in new places. He does love skiing so not worried about the athletic side of things. Basically, I think I just want to know how he is and that he's feeling okay (or that he isn't.)

So... first AIBU? Should I just leave him alone, stop hassling him to message me, let him get on with it and trust that if he's in any serious trouble, school will phone me?

Second AIBU... on a trip like this, is it normal to expect any/some kind of communication from the school with updates on how they are getting on?

OP posts:
Whenisitsummer · 03/04/2023 18:05

We get a text message to say they have arrived. School also send parents a link- the teachers on the trip then upload photos of all the kids/ what they are doing each day.

Pinkandgreentrousers · 03/04/2023 18:17

We have had loads of updates from the school, via an app they use and twitter. Not heard from my 14 year old much though.

InSpainTheRain · 03/04/2023 18:51

I wouldn't hassle him for messages or staying in touch, he'll be fine. Don't push him to contact you whilst away. However, the school should give updates if they have promised them, and I'd expect and additional one or two given the situation in Dover - but chase the school not those that are on the trip.

ScentOfAMemory · 03/04/2023 18:55

cathyg1979 · 03/04/2023 10:46

Okay, I actually have two separate AIBU questions here and would really welcome some frank advice on both, so feel free to be tough with me.

My 13yo is currently on a school skiing trip, it's his first one abroad though he's been away from home before, both on a residential trip in the UK and multiple sleepovers.

His coach was affected by the Dover hold-ups so it took them a total of 36 hours to get to their location, during which time he had a total of 4 hours sleep. They arrived yesterday morning and went straight to do a full day of skiing, and then dinner and an activity in the evening.

During all of this time, he's sort of kept in touch via WhatsApp in a sort of basic monosyllabic teenage boy way. Sometimes this was saying he's okay, but occasionally to give us the odd alarming detail (like he spent the final 12 hours of the coach journey without anything to drink, and that people were throwing up). Tried to speak to him on the phone yesterday but I could tell all his friends were around and he basically couldn't talk.

Since they set off from school on Friday late afternoon, we've had no updates at all from the school - not during the 36 hour coach journey, not to let us know they'd arrived safely and nothing since. Because of all the Dover drama, I can see that other schools are constantly updating on their kids' progress on social media.

.... and so I'm generally just feeling a bit anxious. Probably not helped by the fact that he is not the most chilled kid in the world, he can be a bit of a worrier and sleep badly in new places. He does love skiing so not worried about the athletic side of things. Basically, I think I just want to know how he is and that he's feeling okay (or that he isn't.)

So... first AIBU? Should I just leave him alone, stop hassling him to message me, let him get on with it and trust that if he's in any serious trouble, school will phone me?

Second AIBU... on a trip like this, is it normal to expect any/some kind of communication from the school with updates on how they are getting on?

Definitely no communication from the school is normal. We tell our kids to let their parents know they've arrived, then encourage them to do the activities involved in the trip without phones in their hands. We confiscate if they are stuck on them all day.

cansu · 03/04/2023 18:56

If the kids did not have phones then yes you would expect an update. Given that they do why would they contact you? I am sure they told all the kids to text their parents.

jessicast · 03/04/2023 23:00

My son is also on a skiing trip this week

His school is feeling very pleased that their tour operator changed crossings to Portsmouth-Caen two weeks ago!

I have heard nothing from my son since he arrived - I got reports from him that he was sick twice on the coach there which sounds nice.

The school have said that there is a google classroom available to share photos but as I havent yet created a logon (plus have lost the details) I will not be looking at them.

I will expect an update from the school giving us an expected arrival time on Sunday, I assume if there is a medical emergency I will be told but apart from that I will hear all about when he returns.

Surely the whole point of school trips is to get away from parents?

solidaritea · 03/04/2023 23:17

2bazookas · 03/04/2023 11:22

Leave him to it.

But also, contact the school demanding update they should have provided !!!

The school is closed because it is the Easter Holiday.

The staff on the ski trip are doing it unpaid.

Demanding is unnecessary and ridiculous in this situation.

MrsMiddleMother · 04/04/2023 00:09

Yanbu dsd went on a school trip to France 2 weeks ago, school updated when they left school, when they were on the ferry and when they arrived at destination and a vague update each night. There was quite a few kids and staff who got food poisoning (thankfully not dsd) and all parents were obviously told and how they were handling the situation. Then all parents were updated on the situation and when they left the destination, got on the ferry and regular eta updates once they arrived back in the country.

I'd be seriously concerned by the lack of communication between the school and parents.

CraftyGin · 04/04/2023 00:11

In my day (youngest 21), there was no communication between child and home. School would confirm arrival dates, and that was that.

Part of going on a residential is to cut the apron strings.

TakingMilesFromInches · 04/04/2023 00:25

4 of my friends kids at 3 different schools are on ski trips at the moment. All 3 schools kept parents up to date with the Dover chaos on twitter and via text. Then another update when they finally arrived.

It’s shit that they didn’t keep you informed but you know he’s safe so try not to worry.

user1477391263 · 04/04/2023 00:31

2bazookas · 03/04/2023 11:22

Leave him to it.

But also, contact the school demanding update they should have provided !!!

"Demand"? Seriously?

I'm amazed that any teachers are prepared to run school trips these days.

Whowhatwherewhenwhy1 · 04/04/2023 01:20

Our school leaves it to the pupils to let their families know they have arrived etc . They do however post mid morning and late evening a recap of the days activities and some photos on the school fb page.

AskMeMore · 04/04/2023 01:26

I would not be at all alarmed at kids throwing up in the coach. One child per school trip throwing up on the coach is pretty normal. And teenagers are drama queens, so also normal for one child throwing up and a few feeling a bit queasy to be translated by teenagers into lots of kids throwing up.
I doubt very much that there was no access to any drinks at all for 12 hours. More likely to be no access during the night when they would be sleeping to any top ups of drinks - because the teachers will be trying to sleep on the coach.
You have no idea what the teachers have been doing though. Maybe they are busy reassuring kids with SEN so they have a good time, rather than sending updates. No news is good news.
And I agree with the general advice not to expect check ins from your DS. Again no news is good news and means he is busy and happy.

DiscoBeat · 04/04/2023 01:49

I completely get it. My son is also skiing with school and also got caught up with a 17 hour delay at Dover. He's been updating us, and the school have sent two or three emails, but I know that was tricky as they have to ensure they adhere to GDPR, so there was a delay. They might still be trying to figure that out before they can send a round robin. Once he's there and caught up with sleep he'll be fine, I'm sure. One thing is for certain - you'll hear from him or the school of there is a problem, so try to relax. Part of this trip is them being independent away from home so they may not in touch much.

JudgeRudy · 04/04/2023 02:11

I wouldn't expect updates really other than were in France maybe, or at hotel. Idcalso expect someone to be sick and someone to hurt an ankle....(Oh and Ben might get off with Jodie.)
As for lack of sleep etc I'd expect that if any of the kids had said they just weren't up for it they probably could have rested but they're resilient and they'll be hyper.
Tbh it's the teachers I feel sorry for. They don't get paid you know. I struggled with 2 squabbling kids in back of car on the way home from Alton Towers. Don't worry, if there's anything pertinent they'll let you all know. It's also probable that phones don't always get charged.Relax

XelaM · 04/04/2023 02:25

No news is definitely good news. I literally heard zilch from my daughter on her school ski trip and she had an awesome time 🤩whereas I was super worried overthinking everything 🤦‍♀️

In fact, if he was feeling low I'd expect him to contact you a lot more than if he was having a great time.

BlueHeelers · 04/04/2023 05:34

YABU on both counts.

Leave him be. It’s called “growing up”. Presumably you thought he was OK to go on the trip in the first pace.

And you should be grateful to the poor school staff giving up their family time to give your son and his peers this experience. Not berate them for not being in touch.

LudoBagman · 04/04/2023 06:11

AskMeMore · 04/04/2023 01:26

I would not be at all alarmed at kids throwing up in the coach. One child per school trip throwing up on the coach is pretty normal. And teenagers are drama queens, so also normal for one child throwing up and a few feeling a bit queasy to be translated by teenagers into lots of kids throwing up.
I doubt very much that there was no access to any drinks at all for 12 hours. More likely to be no access during the night when they would be sleeping to any top ups of drinks - because the teachers will be trying to sleep on the coach.
You have no idea what the teachers have been doing though. Maybe they are busy reassuring kids with SEN so they have a good time, rather than sending updates. No news is good news.
And I agree with the general advice not to expect check ins from your DS. Again no news is good news and means he is busy and happy.

Exactly this! See also teenagers being given the option to get off and go to the shop to get a drink and them choosing instead to buy 5 sharing bags of shrink and some Thai sweet chilli sensations then remembering when the coach is going again that maybe some water or a coke might have been a sensible thing to buy too..

I went on so many school trips and was entitled to free school meals (entire school was) and we weren't really fed or given drinks apart from at services and that was prebooked weeks in advance, can't imagine teens nowadays been given food and drinks on a school trip

JMSA · 04/04/2023 06:17

This is why mobile phones shouldn't be allowed on school trips.
Your son is fine, so just leave him to it.

JMSA · 04/04/2023 06:19

Ragwort · 03/04/2023 11:00

Can I just say a huge thank you to all the teachers who give up their own holidays to take school ski trips ... so often you get unkind comments about a 'free holiday' (& daring to have the occasional glass of wine in the evening- remember that thread?) but this experience has shown us all what a stressful and difficult situation it must be for the teachers when things don't go according to plan. I can't imagine much worse than being the responsible adult stuck on a coach for thirty plus hours with a load of teenagers.

♥️

LudoBagman · 04/04/2023 06:21

Obviously I meant to meant say 5 sharing bags of haribo and not 'shrink' 😂

Number24Bus · 04/04/2023 06:26

I've also got a teen boy on a school skiing trip who was caught up in the massive Dover delays. I've had a few texts from him, nothing from the school. That's fine with me and I'm not concerned at all.

greenacrylicpaint · 04/04/2023 06:41

leave him to it.

when my teens go on school trips I get a text message when they know arrival time on the way back Grin

if something goes seriously hairy the teacher will call.

lljkk · 04/04/2023 07:04

in my experience, we'd get updates for key moments, like airport delays, visits, etc.
This is down to individual teacher/staff updating their public accounts, who also went on the trip.
You have to follow them not the whole school accounts to see the updates.
Are you sure there are no updates on the teachers' official social media, Twitter or Instagram?
Find the staff who went on the trip to see the updates they are posting, hashtags are good for this.
Whole school doesn't update with details of each trip.

Cadets would be updated on their official facebook not individual staff accounts.

dizzygirl1 · 04/04/2023 07:04

Dd was due to go away on a school trip to Germany as covid hit. In the preparation meetings beforehand we were told no mobile phones for this reason- parents panic, teenagers are teased or get homesick, parents are constantly messaging.
I think the phone ban is a good idea. OP leave your DS to enjoy his trip