Telling ex we have Covid

[midnightblue12]

So basically I have Covid and I just messaged my ex husband making him aware as we share children. He works in a children's home and is due to have children in 2 days when they will most likely have it.
Anyway I thought out of courtesy I'd text him incase he needs to swap childcare etc and he's made me feel about 1mm tall.

He has told me it means nothing, it's just a cold etc. Really made me feel like I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill. Basically how he always makes me feel.

I really wasn't trying to make a big deal out of it. Like the majority I'm just over talking about Covid.

Would you have text in my situation or am I being dramatic? 🤷🏼‍♀️

And it's fine to mention it - I agree, but not everyone will be bothered. OP's ex has stated he isn't which is also fine.

Yes it's fine to not be bothered if that's how you feel. I'm just addressing the question of whether you should tell people in these circumstances.

Like a few others here I've got Covid at the moment (we still have spare tests in the house as my husband works in education) and I feel ghastly. I've barely got out of bed in three days. I'm double vaxxed, have had Covid mildly once before, but this time it's done me up like a kipper! You're absolutely not being unreasonable to warn your ex.

Of course you did the right thing lass. If it gives you any comfort at all, I had the exact same thing happen recently. My children had covid so I informed their dad as I knew they were due to visit his elderly mother. He wafted me off like I was an idiot and took them anyway. She has a weak heart so to me it is common courtesy but he clearly doesn't feel the same way about putting his own mother at risk. People are weird. One of the many reasons he's an ex really. Don't lower you own standards to those of others, you did the right thing, you were caring and thoughtful, a lot of people aren't. Look after yourself and keep that chin up 🌟

Exactly, Nothing more.

Ignore the first poster @TomatoFrog
he’s an ex for a reason.
of course you let him know, just like if it was flu/chicken pox/stomach bug or covid. People have gone wierdly the other way no longer giving people the heads up and common curtesy and going out proper sick infecting everyone

It's still very normal to let people know, out of courtesy, in my experience.
I've recently had it again - I felt much worse than when I've had a cold fwiw. I wouldn't deliberately expose someone unknowingly. I'd tell them and let them make a choice for themselves.

Does your ex normally try to find ways to put you down or feel 'small'?

What wasn't necessary was his comment tbh.

Same here. I teach and it's 5 days for adults, 3 days for children, for a known case.
A lot of people seem to be still testing as either vulnerable or know people who are vulnerable.

Why test?

Do you know that some people are still vulnerable if they catch it? I know for lots of people it's usually fairly mild but for plenty it's more than that.

Testing means I can access antiviral treatment if I start to feel worse. They need to be taken within 5 days, so testing is important.

And no - a normal cold has never made me as poorly as covid has.

It isn't just a cold. A family I'm close with just had it in late March and it floored all of them for 2 weeks. Teenage boys, all healthy.

The ITN news reported 2 days ago that the risk of long covid increases with every infection. Children are being bedridden after catching covid 2/3/4 times. It's not being reported enough. The doctor on the news said he's seeing more and more of it and said exposing yourself to covid is like playing russian roulette.

That news report certainly changed my perspective on covid being 'just' a cold/flu.

So you're annoyed that knowing you might have Covid means you have to be honest with people who wouldn't want to see you if they knew, because you would prefer to be able to force them into it through ignorance?

I don’t have to be honest so please don’t twist my words to suit your purpose. I’m annoyed that people are testing against the guidance and feeding others paranoia. We all ‘might’ have covid. It can kill, flu can kill but you don’t test for flu at the first sign of a sniffle.

The reason why I text him was to see if he wanted to swap having the kids on Wednesday for another day as they may have it and he works in a home.
I'm already ah img to change my work schedule this week now so I just wanted to make sure I had everything covered.

I was just being considerate.

I really wasn't making a big deal at all I was just being thoughtful.

If he wasn't due to have the children for another week I wouldn't have bothered telling him unless they were unwell and he needed to know.

Hope that clears it up!

@Jamieleecurtain yes I agree it's annoying, what exactly do you do when you find out you're postive other then stress about others?

But I didn't exactly tell him because we've been in contact to whatever you might be thinking. It really was just to make him aware incase anything needed to change for this week.

I don’t have to be honest so please don’t twist my words to suit your purpose. I’m annoyed that people are testing against the guidance and feeding others paranoia. We all ‘might’ have covid. It can kill, flu can kill but you don’t test for flu at the first sign of a sniffle.

I'm not twisting your words, that's what you said. At least have the conviction to stand by it. You were annoyed that other people testing put you in the "awkward position" of having to inform people you've been exposed, because they then might choose not to see you. That's what you said.

Ahh no I hope you're ok!

I was feeling really unwell late last week but luckily feel better now other then a weird head and limited smell/taste! I hope I can still smell the dirty nappies as my 2 year old never tells me when he's done one 🙈

There are people who are still testing to make sure they don't pass things in to vulnerable people

I very clearly said that I’m annoyed they tested. Nothing to do with my honesty- in fact I absolutely don’t have to tell anyone if I’ve been exposed or not. I followed the guidelines during the pandemic and I’m following them now.

Erm ok that's great, I didn't doubt you for a second 🤷🏼‍♀️
Not sure what town you read my message in but I don't know where the snappy reply came from as I was only chatting!

*tone

Anyway there's been plenty of Covid threads over the years so maybe time to put this to bed.
I'm grateful for the replies and feel better about it all and nice to know others are on the same page as me!
But let's all just move on and have a nice day!

Write back and say that's good to hear. You won't worry about him having the kids later in the week if they get ill then.

'Why test?! It then puts me in the awkward position of having to tell people that I’ve been in contact with someone with covid and then they can decide whether or not to stay see me

You literally did. You're entitled to your view but it's really baffling that you're so staunchly trying to deny it now.

You are no longer required to do a COVID-19 rapid lateral flow test if you have symptoms. But if you or your child have tested positive for COVID-19: try to stay at home and avoid contact with other people for a further 3 days after your positive test if you are under 18 years.

This is the guidance. It's not 'Don't test'. You're just not legally required to. Clearly some people are still testing (otherwise they wouldn't have included the second part of the guidance).

Agree completely. DS2 16 and DS1 18 have both been really unwell with it, we are now on day 17 after positive test. They are supposed to be doing GCSE and A levels soon and are still recovering and have already lost 2 1/2 weeks exam preparation and revision spent mainly in bed.

DS2 has just seen the GP who has diagnosed post Covid Costochondritis, he has severe pain when he tries to move, sit up, even lying down, it could take weeks or even months to get better. DS1 can't sleep as he is coughing so much so is unable to do anything productive in the day.

They have both had all their vaccinations. I think they were both exposed to a high viral load by their dad, my ex.

Now my DH had symptoms and is in bed very unwell.

Please do not say this is just a cold, my teens have no underlying health conditions and I have never seen them this ill in their entire lives.

I’m annoyed that people are testing against the guidance and feeding others paranoia. We all ‘might’ have covid. It can kill, flu can kill but you don’t test for flu at the first sign of a sniffle.

Where is the guidance which says not to test?

I'm advised to test. My family are advised to test.

I've had a cold several times in my life and I've never had an issue with it beyond feeling a bit rubbish for a year days.

I've had flu a couple of times that I'm aware of. I felt dreadful but managed okay and got better after a few days or so.

I've had covid. It caused me to be so poorly I had to have a cat A ambulance as I was at risk of imminent heart attack or stroke. I've been left with a life long health condition which required me taking two lots of medication every day - for life. I've had it twice since; anti virals made it much shorter and less worse after a few days of feeling horrible.

So yes, for some people covid is cold like. For others it is far worse than a cold or flu.