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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Telling ex we have Covid

131 replies

midnightblue12 · 02/04/2023 22:31

So basically I have Covid and I just messaged my ex husband making him aware as we share children. He works in a children's home and is due to have children in 2 days when they will most likely have it.
Anyway I thought out of courtesy I'd text him incase he needs to swap childcare etc and he's made me feel about 1mm tall.

He has told me it means nothing, it's just a cold etc. Really made me feel like I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill. Basically how he always makes me feel.

I really wasn't trying to make a big deal out of it. Like the majority I'm just over talking about Covid.

Would you have text in my situation or am I being dramatic? 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
Jamieleecurtain · 03/04/2023 04:18

hon I’ve been a bit annoyed at the amount of people who I have spent time with recently who have then got a sore throat and let me know that I’ve been exposed to covid. Why test?! It then puts me in the awkward position of having to tell people that I’ve been in contact with someone with covid and then they can decide whether or not to stay see me. I would be irritated with you if I was exH but no need for him to be rude. A quick ‘no worries, I’ll have the kids as usual’ with an eye roll to himself would be fine.

Jamieleecurtain · 03/04/2023 04:19

Firstly word was supposed to be ‘honestly’ not ‘hon’ 😂

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 03/04/2023 05:03

"I informed you of the situation as a courtesy, one I would hope you would repay if it had been reversed. What you choose to do with the information is entirely your choice"

Banoffeepie21 · 03/04/2023 05:17

My husband, I and 2 friends have just had covid. 3 of us have been really ill, sickness, fever (my temperature was 39). The most my husband and I have been for several years. It’s the first time I’ve had it.
Those thinking it’s just a cold have been lucky.

GoldenAye · 03/04/2023 06:05

Jamieleecurtain · 03/04/2023 04:18

hon I’ve been a bit annoyed at the amount of people who I have spent time with recently who have then got a sore throat and let me know that I’ve been exposed to covid. Why test?! It then puts me in the awkward position of having to tell people that I’ve been in contact with someone with covid and then they can decide whether or not to stay see me. I would be irritated with you if I was exH but no need for him to be rude. A quick ‘no worries, I’ll have the kids as usual’ with an eye roll to himself would be fine.

I had to read this a few times to make certain it said what I thought it said. You're annoyed at people that have the kindness to let you know that you have been exposed to Covid? That's next level.

thegrain · 03/04/2023 06:11

You're good. As long as you just said "I have covid - let me know if this means your arrangements need to change" if you started trying to tell him what changes were needed thats when the line is crossed.

GreyGoose1980 · 03/04/2023 06:36

You did the right thing OP. I’d have text too. Even if I wasn’t bothered by Covid I’d never make someone feel small for texting as they’d only be being polite. Don’t feel bad, just feel relieved this guy is your ex not current DP!

Weallgottachangesometime · 03/04/2023 06:43

seems like your relationship with you ex is strained. Clearly thoughtful communication isn’t appreciated. I’d stick to communicating only the minimum of what is necessary to arrange childcare.
He sounds like an arse hole. Even if he didn’t care about covid he could have appreciated you bothering to make contact. Next time don’t even consider the impact on him or his work.

Phoebo · 03/04/2023 06:47

TidyDancer · 02/04/2023 22:33

You did the right thing. Particularly given where he works. You've made him aware and he can make his own decision what to do. You did nothing wrong whatsoever.

This, of course you should let him know, if he doesn't care that's on him but at least you gave him a heads up

AnnoyedFromSlough · 03/04/2023 06:48

You did the right thing. It can be just a cold - but it can still be more serious. Someone I know has just had COVID for the second time, and was very unwell, to the point that the person they live with was wanting them to phone nhs24. The first time they had it, it was just mild cold-type symptoms.

You did the right thing. He's an arse. Instead of allowing this to make you feel bad about yourself, how about changing the narrative to being grateful that you are no longer together.

RampantIvy · 03/04/2023 06:49

SpinningFloppa · 03/04/2023 00:47

I would have eye rolled if you told me. No one cares anymore

Clearly they do.

Are you always this inconsiderate?

Confusion101 · 03/04/2023 08:15

YANBU to have told him. I'd do the same. Given his response made you feel "like he always does" YABU to have expected anything different. Thank God he's an ex!

@Tinkerbyebye "in addition why wouldn’t you? It’s still rife in places and who actually wants to be ill?" testing won't help you feel any less ill, it'll just confirm why you feel ill?

DustyLee123 · 03/04/2023 08:17

I think you are right to tell him. Some people are ECV and still need protection, hence why a spring booster is about to be launched.

AdoraBell · 03/04/2023 08:21

You told him because of his work, you did the right thing. He now knows, it’s up to him to either swap shifts/days with your DC/do sweet FA.

Hope you all have mild symptoms and recover quickly.

Spottedsox · 03/04/2023 08:28

Your a considerate person, good on you.
More so for the flow on affects of the rest of those surrounding him.
I would learn to remove your feelings he projects on to you or towards you.
Easier said that done.
Anyone saying it does not matter is just as ignorant...some people are immune compromised it matters to these people, Or a civilised responsibilty.
Lift your head up.🙂

WonderingWanda · 03/04/2023 08:33

Don't think any more about this op. You let him know and he was a twat about it....which is presumably why he is your ex. Don't let him make you feel small.

It's irrelevant whether it's covid you have or a cold. In my family we do normally warn each other about illness, usually to manage expectations, just in case one of us becomes too ill for the meet up or someone has an important event and they don't want to get ill.

Original poster
midnightblue12 · 03/04/2023 08:33

Thank you all!

Tbh I didn't expect or want any sympathy from him. I only made him aware incase he wanted to swap his childcare day or needed to know for his work etc. Just giving him the heads up like I would if I had another contagious illness.
I just wasn't expecting the response to be, "it means nothing, just a cold init" 😵‍💫 So strange how he knows how I feel!

Anyway I'm not letting his rotten manners change the kind person that I am!

Thanks for the replies all, good to see there's other nice people out there ☺️

OP posts:
ChocSaltyBalls · 03/04/2023 08:34

If you hadn’t told him and he got it he might have moaned about that. You couldn’t do right for doing wrong.

snitzelvoncrumb · 03/04/2023 08:34

Don’t let him get to you. One day you can send them with a stomach bug and giggle.

BCBird · 03/04/2023 08:36

You were being courteous. He was being an arse- end of.

Badbudgeter · 03/04/2023 08:37

I’d of texted my ex. I did when youngest had chicken pox, or one of dc had a vomiting episode in case it spread round the other dc. I’d like to know if he is ill as I’d be bracing myself for taking time off work/ arranging childcare and avoiding booking non refundable activities type stuff.

SoupDragon · 03/04/2023 08:40

All he's done is let you know he isn't bothered about Covid. You've just put your own spin on the response and, in your head, made it a criticism.

telling him was the right thing to do given where he works and not everyone has the same attitude towards the risks of covid so it's best not to assume.

I am of the "it's just a cold" mindset but I make that judgement for myself alone, I wouldn't force it on others as they have different perceptions of the risks. Sometimes for good reason.

lovemelongtime · 03/04/2023 08:44

SpinningFloppa · 03/04/2023 00:47

I would have eye rolled if you told me. No one cares anymore

Actually people do care still. I am having chemotherapy, have a massively compromised immune system, if I got Covid it would be really serious. So whilst you might not care , please spare a thought for others.

FannyPhart · 03/04/2023 08:48

I think the thing is we are now being encouraged to live with it. There's no isolation now really unless immune suppressed and people are just living with it. I agree thanks for letting me know was the right response but we are not dealing with it the same way anymore.

Ladysaurus · 03/04/2023 08:59

You did right. But I'd notify someone if I had any kind of contagious illness.