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AIBU?

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Original poster

Telling ex we have Covid

131 replies

midnightblue12 · 02/04/2023 22:31

So basically I have Covid and I just messaged my ex husband making him aware as we share children. He works in a children's home and is due to have children in 2 days when they will most likely have it.
Anyway I thought out of courtesy I'd text him incase he needs to swap childcare etc and he's made me feel about 1mm tall.

He has told me it means nothing, it's just a cold etc. Really made me feel like I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill. Basically how he always makes me feel.

I really wasn't trying to make a big deal out of it. Like the majority I'm just over talking about Covid.

Would you have text in my situation or am I being dramatic? 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 03/04/2023 09:02

Norriscolesbag · 02/04/2023 22:35

Clearly bad blood and he’s picking a fight over nothing. Just ignore it.

Why is he ‘picking a fight’?

Soontobe60 · 03/04/2023 09:04

midnightblue12 · 03/04/2023 08:33

Thank you all!

Tbh I didn't expect or want any sympathy from him. I only made him aware incase he wanted to swap his childcare day or needed to know for his work etc. Just giving him the heads up like I would if I had another contagious illness.
I just wasn't expecting the response to be, "it means nothing, just a cold init" 😵‍💫 So strange how he knows how I feel!

Anyway I'm not letting his rotten manners change the kind person that I am!

Thanks for the replies all, good to see there's other nice people out there ☺️

I just don’t get why you think his response was ‘rotten manners’. If you’d sent the same message to a friend and they’d sent the same reply back, I bet you’d have sent a laughing emoji reply with a ‘yes I know’ back.

liveforsummer · 03/04/2023 09:04

It was fine to text (although I'd probably not have mentioned it unless dc actually have it) but he's not wrong in his response either. No need to get offended just reply with 'no problem, just thought I'd make you aware as a courtesy' and if it was me I'd add a little smile emoji.

aSofaNearYou · 03/04/2023 09:09

I'd be livid if my DSS was sent over with Covid and we weren't even informed.

It's one thing for people to advocate still doing contact as normal (we would avoid it if possible) but ridiculous to say you shouldn't have even told him. I'd expect to be told about any illnesses my DSS has when he's coming to ours.

iaapap · 03/04/2023 09:10

He sounds pretty selfish. Of course there was a need to text. Any reasonable person would have done so. My brother ended up on a ventilator in intensive case aged only 40 and triple vaccinated. Your ex must have a very short memory for news or just not give a shit about the people for whom it is not just a cold.

Sillybollocks · 03/04/2023 09:10

Why is it not wrong to send a shitty reply for no reason? She was giving him a heads up about an infectious disease. Pretty normal and decent. Especially if any of the kids he works with may be vulnerable. He could have said 'that's fine, send them anyway' but took the opportunity to be rude. Ignore him.

aSofaNearYou · 03/04/2023 09:12

SpinningFloppa · 03/04/2023 00:47

I would have eye rolled if you told me. No one cares anymore

You are just flat wrong.

liveforsummer · 03/04/2023 09:12

Sillybollocks · 03/04/2023 09:10

Why is it not wrong to send a shitty reply for no reason? She was giving him a heads up about an infectious disease. Pretty normal and decent. Especially if any of the kids he works with may be vulnerable. He could have said 'that's fine, send them anyway' but took the opportunity to be rude. Ignore him.

It didn't sound like a particularly shorty reply - just his opinion on the matter. OP own feelings listed after his response are what makes it sound shitty. I have an ex like this, far easier not to be offended

liveforsummer · 03/04/2023 09:13

I'd be livid if my DSS was sent over with Covid and we weren't even informed

Her dc do not have covid - she does

AddieLoggins2 · 03/04/2023 09:20

I would have eye rolled if you told me. No one cares anymore

When I got to work the other day there was a woman sat on the bank of desks I usually sit at. As I approached she said "just to let you know I've got a horrible cold at the moment so you may want to sit away from me!" I went and sat on another bank.

This same thing happened with about 4 or 5 other people who came in after me.

I presume you would have eye rolled and sat next to her?
Either way at least 5 or 6 people I work with do still care about these things. And that literally was just a cold!

LeFeu · 03/04/2023 09:22

You were fine OP. My ex messaged me recently when his partner had covid when DC was there and I appreciated it so I could avoid my grandma after they came back just in case.

Icequeen01 · 03/04/2023 09:22

ifeelimgoingmad · 02/04/2023 23:32

I assume incase the kids carry it to his house and put the children he works with at risk of he catches it?

Exactly this. I work for a children's home and it can cause real problems once Covid is in the home. Imagine 10 sick kids and a large number of staff off sick therefore not having enough staff on shift to look after the poorly kids. It's no fun!!

Netcam · 03/04/2023 09:25

liveforsummer · 03/04/2023 09:13

I'd be livid if my DSS was sent over with Covid and we weren't even informed

Her dc do not have covid - she does

Exactly. But my ex did exactly that and now my whole house including my DH has it apart from me, who is currently sleeping on the sofa and using the tiny downstairs toilet to wash. If I'm lucky I might avoid it. But we're supposed to be about to go on holiday and he knew that too.

ArcticSkewer · 03/04/2023 09:25

It's unclear why you texted him/what you actually said.

If it was just to let him know you, not the kids, have covid - why are you telling him? If it's because you think the kids have it, did you make that part clear? Do they have it? If they don't then why are you telling him anything?

Ideally, in my world, people would stop being so obsessed with one virus and think about their symptoms instead. If you've got a heavy cold, flu, stomach bug and I might catch it .. let me know. Don't obsess about covid and not tell me about flu. Equally if you sat next to someone with a stomach bug so you might catch it so the kids might be infected by next Friday ... yeah, that level of detail I don't need.

aSofaNearYou · 03/04/2023 09:26

liveforsummer · 03/04/2023 09:13

I'd be livid if my DSS was sent over with Covid and we weren't even informed

Her dc do not have covid - she does

Same difference - it's highly probable they will catch it off her, they won't be isolating from each other.

Netcam · 03/04/2023 09:26

iaapap · 03/04/2023 09:10

He sounds pretty selfish. Of course there was a need to text. Any reasonable person would have done so. My brother ended up on a ventilator in intensive case aged only 40 and triple vaccinated. Your ex must have a very short memory for news or just not give a shit about the people for whom it is not just a cold.

Exactly, so sorry to hear about your brother.

liveforsummer · 03/04/2023 09:31

Same difference - it's highly probable they will catch it off her, they won't be isolating from each other.

It's not highly probable at all though. We've had covid plenty times between lost household - all separate cases and no one has caught it off the other. Dd was sleeping in my bed when she had it and I didn't catch it. Dc share a room and they have never caught it at the same time. I had it 2 weeks ago and neither dc have caught it and both are like limpets to me most of the time. I know lots of people where this is the same so we aren't unusual

aSofaNearYou · 03/04/2023 09:33

liveforsummer · 03/04/2023 09:31

Same difference - it's highly probable they will catch it off her, they won't be isolating from each other.

It's not highly probable at all though. We've had covid plenty times between lost household - all separate cases and no one has caught it off the other. Dd was sleeping in my bed when she had it and I didn't catch it. Dc share a room and they have never caught it at the same time. I had it 2 weeks ago and neither dc have caught it and both are like limpets to me most of the time. I know lots of people where this is the same so we aren't unusual

It might not be inevitable but that doesn't mean it isn't probable.

It simply doesn't change my opinion, though. I would like to be told. Yes if you have covid and send your kids to your ex without mentioning it they may have dodged it and you may get away with it, but if they haven't and do come down with it, I'd be annoyed that level of exposure wasn't mentioned.

crumpet · 03/04/2023 09:36

It’s polite to mention it. Doesn’t hurt anyone. I find some of the attitudes on here very odd.

mewkins · 03/04/2023 09:36

SpinningFloppa · 03/04/2023 00:47

I would have eye rolled if you told me. No one cares anymore

He might care if it hits him really hard and he's laid up in bed for a week.😁

If no is testing or bothered by it why are numbers of cases still being monitored and there is talk of more vaccinations?

liveforsummer · 03/04/2023 09:38

It simply doesn't change my opinion, though. I would like to be told. Yes if you have covid and send your kids to your ex without mentioning it they may have dodged it and you may get away with it, but if they haven't and do come down with it, I'd be annoyed that level of exposure wasn't mentioned.

And it's fine to mention it - I agree, but not everyone will be bothered. OP's ex has stated he isn't which is also fine.

Crumpetdisappointment · 03/04/2023 09:38

i have covid
i am not well enough to go to work,
it will go down as sick leave, as i am sick.
he is outrageous but presumably because he is your ex , you are his ex
i doubt his work would react the same way

Dibbydoos · 03/04/2023 09:38

Yes, OP, I would have texted.

All these idiots that think it's a cold, well it isn't yet, it's still killing people or causing them, through long covid, lots of probs. Sadly the conspiracy theorists (cobspiracy comedians as I like to call them) had a big stage during the pandemic and those gullible listened cos the reality of what the world went through was too much for them to cope with. Bless.

Get well soon, OP and be glad he's your ex!

Sazzy6258 · 03/04/2023 09:39

@TomatoFrog are you trying to be obnoxious??!! There was a need to text, the op and her children have a highly infectious virus (that has killed millions around the world) she was just trying to do the right thing! OP, you did the right thing at least your conscious can stay clear.

diddl · 03/04/2023 09:41

Is he worried he might have to have the kids on "your" days so he's telling you it's nothing so that you won't even think about it?

Hope if he actually deals with kids for work he's more sympathetic/understanding to them!