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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a 4am start every day is unreasonable?

153 replies

tinyissues · 02/04/2023 11:58

DD has a relatively new job which is her first job relating to her degree (has been doing it 3 months).

Issue is it's a 4am start every Monday-Friday! She's such a night owl, so is going to bed at 11pm every night, to get up for 3...

I'm worried she is literally knocking years off her life. She admits she is really tired but just catches up on weekends or takes a nap after work.

AIBU to think this isn't a sustainable job and she needs to find something else?

It's 4-1pm as well so quite long

OP posts:
trickyfriendsone · 02/04/2023 16:35

Does she stay at home and is she disturbing you/others at home?

She's working pretty standard length shifts, her start time is early but she's an adult so could always make adjustments to her routine to make sure she has a good sleep. If her current routine of napping and staying up late is working for her and she's not disturbing the whole house getting up early then let her get on with it.

Chesneyhawkes1 · 02/04/2023 16:37

My earliest shift start is 3am. So I get up just before 2am. It's not ideal but that's the nature of shift work.

I can't sleep too early either, so I have 3/4 hours sleep before work and then a nap after.

I do rotating shifts so can't get into a sleep pattern. If it was permanent 4am starts, I imagine that would be better.

OllieAggieNouse · 02/04/2023 16:38

Only child or PFB?

I'd not give it a minute's thought, OP.

Supernova23 · 02/04/2023 16:39

She's a grown woman. If she enjoys the job and is coping with it, what's the big deal? I work 12.5 hour days and nights. On my nights I leave the house at 6:30pm and don't get back until 9am in the morning. That's a pretty standard night in healthcare.

PinkSyCo · 02/04/2023 16:40

If she didn’t take a nap after work she’d be able to fall asleep earlier at night wouldn’t she? Until she works that out I’m sure she’ll survive, so really no need for the dramatics.

trickyfriendsone · 02/04/2023 16:41

@Mooshamoo
"It's not that I don't like it . I think it is unsustainable for someone's physical and mental health."

Shift work isn't for everyone. I've work full rotational shifts for over 20yrs. I cannot function in a 9-5 mon-Friday setting. Different routines work for different people. Different jobs have different requirements.
People whose health is adversely affected by shift work (whether that physical or mental health) maybe aren't just suited to that lifestyle. But it's an Individual choice.

Andi25693 · 02/04/2023 16:43

If that's her job and she is willing to work those hours for the career break it might offer, then that's fine. Plenty of people work nights or other unsociable shifts.

If she's still doing the degree (I'm not clear from your post) then it's sounds rather a lot to fit in alongside study.

NosnowontheScottishhills · 02/04/2023 16:44

I worked on dairy farms and know people that still do. Most get up for milking around 3 am and will often finish at 6-7 pm. Is getting up a 3am sustainable long term? I would say not unless you go to bed early around 8pm. But she's young and will be able to do it for a few years without I suspect it having a long term effect on her health.
And its her choice.

Whattt44 · 02/04/2023 16:44

It won't knock years off her life , she's young! I remember getting up at 6am , commuting to work, going out to a club after work then sitting in an all night cafe before going straight into work (doing the walk of shame) from the cafe.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 02/04/2023 16:45

Mooshamoo · 02/04/2023 16:24

I wouldn't like a 4am job start every day. No way. So I'd have to get up at 3.

Everyone in here saying it is fine.

Would you be okay with getting up at3am every day?

No - so I wouldn't take a job that meant I started at 4am 😂

ign0re · 02/04/2023 16:50

She’s young, you just cope better with that sort of thing straight out of uni/that sort of age. You’re overdoing it on the worrying here!

Crumpetdisappointment · 02/04/2023 16:51

she is presumably in her 20s, not 60s,
it shouldnt affect her health imo

HamBone · 02/04/2023 16:52

Having an afternoon siesta is good, but it might be an idea to set an alarm so she doesn’t sleep more than two hours, for example.

Then she’ll find it much easier to go to bed early.

Sorryyoufeelthatway · 02/04/2023 16:53

Her life her decision. She is a grown woman.

viques · 02/04/2023 16:55

tinyissues · 02/04/2023 11:58

DD has a relatively new job which is her first job relating to her degree (has been doing it 3 months).

Issue is it's a 4am start every Monday-Friday! She's such a night owl, so is going to bed at 11pm every night, to get up for 3...

I'm worried she is literally knocking years off her life. She admits she is really tired but just catches up on weekends or takes a nap after work.

AIBU to think this isn't a sustainable job and she needs to find something else?

It's 4-1pm as well so quite long

Does she have other caring responsibilities? Children to get to school and collect? An elderly granny who needs shopping done, bathing, company? dogs to walk? A horse to muck out? A medical need like needing dialysis three times a week? No?

Then she is a young healthy person who can arrange her working life and social life as she seems fit. Just remind her she needs to get out daily in fresh air with bare arms to top up her vitamin d and let her get on with it. My mother did night shift for nearly two years during the war because the matrons bedroom was directly above the baby nursery and in the matrons words “ No one can settle those babies like Little Nurse Viquesmum.”

CaptainMyCaptain · 02/04/2023 16:55

Mooshamoo · 02/04/2023 16:24

I wouldn't like a 4am job start every day. No way. So I'd have to get up at 3.

Everyone in here saying it is fine.

Would you be okay with getting up at3am every day?

I wouldn't do it either but it's not up to you, me or the OP it's up to her daughter to decide if she can cope with it.

LlynTegid · 02/04/2023 16:58

If the job needs to be done starting at 4am, then reasonable.

It does not seem the kind of job where a boss insists on someone being in a place of work where it could be done at least half of the time from home.

Mooshamoo · 02/04/2023 17:02

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 02/04/2023 16:45

No - so I wouldn't take a job that meant I started at 4am 😂

Show quote history

Not all jobs tell you what your hours will be before you start though.

For example I recently started a new job. In the job advert it said that my hours would be between 8am-8pm.

It said that I would do shifts and my shifts would always be within those times.

I started the job. The first week, I worked 9-5.
The second and third week I was scheduled to work 8-4
However on my fourth week i saw that I was scheduled to work 7-3.
And on my fifth week I was scheduled to work 6am-2pm

Before i started the job I was told that my shidts wouldn't start any earlier than 8am.

However some jobs just change what they originally said,after you start.

If my shifts start gettin any earlier I will leave.

CustardySergeant · 02/04/2023 17:05

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 02/04/2023 12:05

If she's tired after work she'll go to sleep earlier than 11pm. She's an adult you need to stop moddingly cuddling her:

Moddingly cuddling? 😂Hilarious.

Ktime · 02/04/2023 17:05

If she is a night owl then yes she is being unreasonable to her own health, but what can you do. If she can’t get in the routine of getting to bed at 8pm or 9pm then she’s better off applying for a different job.

If she starts at 4am, what time does she get up, how long is commute etc?

Iyjd · 02/04/2023 17:15

I think if she’s clever enough to get a degree, and get a job, then she is clever enough to decide if she likes that job and when to go to sleep without her Mum holding her hand.

Lcb123 · 02/04/2023 17:18

Surely she took the job knowing that? She needs to work to move her bedtime earlier. That’s not an exceptional long shift

Sandwidged · 02/04/2023 17:19

Leave her to it, she just needs to go to bed earlier to get up earlier

Gwenhwyfar · 02/04/2023 17:22

OldEvilOwl · 02/04/2023 12:04

She's an adult. Lots of people work nights/odd shifts

And those people have worse health statistically.

BMW6 · 02/04/2023 17:27

Give over OP. Have you never heard of Nurses, Doctors, Farmers, Bakers, Police, Firemen etc etc etc.

Many many jobs need to be covered 24/7 and by really early shifts. My DH was a milkman for 11 years, deliveries started around 1am.

Your DD needs to adjust her sleep patterns, that's all. Unclench.