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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a 4am start every day is unreasonable?

153 replies

tinyissues · 02/04/2023 11:58

DD has a relatively new job which is her first job relating to her degree (has been doing it 3 months).

Issue is it's a 4am start every Monday-Friday! She's such a night owl, so is going to bed at 11pm every night, to get up for 3...

I'm worried she is literally knocking years off her life. She admits she is really tired but just catches up on weekends or takes a nap after work.

AIBU to think this isn't a sustainable job and she needs to find something else?

It's 4-1pm as well so quite long

OP posts:
Redglitter · 02/04/2023 14:39

4am to 1pm is by no stretch of the imagination a long day

She might be a night owl but she's going to have to go to bed early if she's getting up at 3am.

It's perfectly sustainable but she needs to change her routine to suit it. That way she won't be tired at weekends.

AuntieMarys · 02/04/2023 14:40

Dh is mid 60s and gets up at 4.30am...home at 7pm

19lottie82 · 02/04/2023 14:41

Eh? She just needs to go to bed earlier if she’s feeling tired!

MrsMullerBecameABaby · 02/04/2023 14:45

There's nothing intrinsically wrong with working 4am to 13:00 - it's a normal 8 hour work day.

There is something unsustainable about her choice to stay up until 4 hours before she needs to get up obviously. What she's doing is the same as going to bed at 4am when she starts work at 9am.

Obviously she needs to go to bed around 6 -8 hours before she needs to be up, depending upon how much sleep she needs.

If she can't bring herself to get to bed by 9pm on a work night it's not the job for her.

The night owl/ early bird thing is a tendancy not a set in stone thing and it can be reset if the individual genuinely wants to and perseveres .

MoserRothOrangeandAlmond · 02/04/2023 14:46

Take it if it's her first job related to her degree she is a minimum age of 21??

Yeah she's an adult. I qualified as a nurse at 21. Day shifts/night shifts etc. it was/is my choice.
13 hour day shifts and 12 hour nights and extra as an when needed.
As these shifts are her choice she can crack on! If she's really tired she would be going to be earlier than 11! Xxx

greenspaces4peace · 02/04/2023 15:04

My neighbors work this shift at Costco. The go to bed shortly after supper till 2 am or so.
it’s not an unreasonable shift but your daughters unreasonable staying up till 11. Immature really, she’ll learn.

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 02/04/2023 15:09

I was getting up at 3am for a 4am start at work a couple of years ago. I was going to bed at 7pm each night to do it so it was the same as anyone might do who had a 9am start but just moving my day forward by 4 hours. Its perfectly doable but it did mean missing out on evenings in front of the TV with dh. I think that long term she will have to either go to bed earlier or take a regular nap when she gets in from work.

Luredbyapomegranate · 02/04/2023 15:11

Is she your PFB?!

She’ll be grand.

Luredbyapomegranate · 02/04/2023 15:13

.. more helpfully a friend of mine teaches at a fancy yoga studio where the first class is 5am - she teaches through to early afternoon , and then has a nap so she gets evenings with her husband

literalviolence · 02/04/2023 15:14

Newusernameaug · 02/04/2023 12:08

It’s not the job that’s the problem it’s your DD going to bed too late

This. It's perfectly sustainable for all of your working life if needed. Go to bed at 8.

ConstanceOcean · 02/04/2023 15:15

If she enjoys it then she should carry on.

At her age I definitely couldn’t have done it as I was more of a night owl but now I’m getting older I find it easier to wake up early and go to bed early.

I could never work nights.

I did a temporary job not too long ago where I started at 5.
I absolutely loved it as the roads were empty and then I finished early and so had the entire day to do whatever I wanted.

HAF1119 · 02/04/2023 15:18

Totally fine, I do 3am starts and I go to bed early as a result, others go to bed 10 or 11 and have a nap in the afternoon. It's pretty nice to have afternoons to use for appointments etc. and the shifts aren't long so plenty of time to nap/have a life before an early night

Macaroni46 · 02/04/2023 15:21

If the nap is a proper sleep of a few hours then I don't see the problem. A bit like the Spanish siesta!

CremeEggThief · 02/04/2023 15:24

4 am would be a nightmare for me. I'm 45, but I still think it's more reasonable to be ending your day at that time, not starting it!

But ultimately it's your DD's choice and you can give your opinion, but that's all you can do.

readbooksdrinktea · 02/04/2023 15:42

QueSyrahSyrah · 02/04/2023 12:40

She's an adult, if she's tired then she just needs to go to bed earlier.

Or find a different job. Not exactly rocket science.

sst1234 · 02/04/2023 15:45

What an utterly strange thread. Do you think the whole world is sleeping at 4am, or there people working to keep thing going? Hospitals, police, supermarkets and warehouses, factories. Do you think all the people who work are being treated unreasonably or o work those hours.

Beezknees · 02/04/2023 15:46

It's not unreasonable if it's what the job requires. She just has to adjust her sleeping patterns like everyone else who works shifts. If she is a night owl and struggles with that then maybe she can look for something else, but she's an adult so it's her decision.

AuroraForever · 02/04/2023 15:47

My DS gets up at 2am, travels to work and gets an hour in the gym before he starts at 4am and he’s early twenties. He’s been doing this for several years and goes to bed anywhere between 7-10pm. Saying she’s knocking years off her life is utterly ridiculous! She’s young and perfectly capable of early morning starts. 3 months in is hardly time to start looking for something else. Let her get on with it.

Albiboba · 02/04/2023 15:49

It’s hardly unreasonable, all sorts of industries require early starts and the day is only an average short so again hardly unreasonable.

Your daughter sounds fine with it, why are you being so overbearing?

BadNomad · 02/04/2023 15:50

Why is she napping after work instead of going to bed? Go to bed! Get home, have something to eat, go to sleep. 6pm-2am if she needs 8 hours sleep, then she has an hour to herself before needing to get ready for work. Or do what most night workers do and just sleep until it's time to get up.

Ponoka7 · 02/04/2023 15:51

I can't believe that you think that it's a long day. There's people of all ages starting work at that time and doing twelve hour shifts. As said she gets to bed earlier and retrains her body click, which a lot of students have to do. Or she gets another job, but it's totally her choice. She's an adult and has entered the adult world.

Clarinet1 · 02/04/2023 15:54

I think everyone’s different. I’ve always been a night owl and not the world’s best sleeper but over the years I’ve coped on quite often getting four hours a night, putting in full time hours at work, part time evening and weekend study and several regular evening commitments.
Unless Dd actually falls asleep at the wheel of her car (heaven forbid!) or gets a warning for bad timekeeping or falling asleep at work, leave her to it.

Dotcheck · 02/04/2023 15:56

OP- are you not happy that she has a job related to her degree?
Have you ever suggested that she take the mature approach and adjust her sleeping habits?

ouchmyteeth · 02/04/2023 15:57

Well she’s an adult so of course you are unreasonable to think ‘it isn’t suitable and she needs to find something else’

You don’t have a say in it 🤷‍♀️

faffadoodledo · 02/04/2023 15:57

May have missed OP explaining, but I wonder if the DD is a broadcast journalist? Sounds very much like my old shifts! If she is then she surely has bagged the job of her dreams, and one that is very hard to get. She'll adjust her bedtime routine if things start getting tough. She's young - adrenaline will be helping!!

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