Does anyone else look quite young

[EgyptAdvice]

but really hate it? I'm not here to brag and I'm sure that I'll be accused of just that, but this is genuinely something which bothers me quite a lot. I'm in my mid 30s, but don't feel I get taken seriously because I look young. I was recently asked if I was my partner's daughter (we are no longer together, he's only 8 years older than me, but he still brings this up lightheartedly) and feel I don't get taken seriously at work when in male dominated meetings. I'm constantly being told I look young and one of the men at work called me 'babyface' which felt quite demeaning. It no longer feels like a compliment (such as if you get asked for ID when buying alcohol) but more like a running joke. I'm constantly googling 'ways to make yourself look older'. Am I being unreasonable that commenting on someone's appearance like this isn't ok? Or should I just take it as a compliment?

I completely agree. But it seems that for everyone like you who KNOWS this, there's about 10 who think that they genuinely look about 17 according to this thread

You will also see, on any thread about weight/clothes size, posters who insist "oh, no one believes them when I tell them I'm a size 20!" or "everyone is completely shocked when they hear I'm technically overweight!"

It's insane how willing people are to believe the most transparent, socially enforced flattery.

NO ONE is going to say, "Yes, you're visibly overweight" or "yes, of course you were old enough to see that band the first time round."

I need to be more Machiavellian and bear this in mind - obvious flattery really does work ridiculously well on many people.

I'd love to send you a pic of me send ask how old you think I was! 😄 Especially when younger I really do look that young with a baby face and would have genuinely traded it in for one where I looked my age! I still look younger now but it's not as bad and I don't really care anymore! But then it was awful and certainly no bragging going on from me. I used to actually Google "ways to look older" when I was about 28 do I could make myself look older and be taken seriously/not get patronised! But unfortunately you can dress older and act mature but you can't hide your face, unless maybe you wore alot of makeup!

She doesn’t have a school lanyard. I’m sure she would wear one if she did.

This is another thing I don’t get - why are all these 40 year old people who look 29 having such a struggle being taken seriously at work? I’ve never heard someone suggest a good idea and someone else say ‘shut up, you’re 29, as if we want to listen to your ideas.’ Plus presumably your colleagues and customers will be aware of your job title and qualifications so will treat you accordingly, not judge that you look under 30 and are therefore not a good teacher/doctor/hairdresser/refuse collector.

I mean I’m under 30, look under 30, and have no trouble being taken seriously at work. I’m a competent worker, and have never had a problem because I look less than 30!

I remember when mine dc were in the infant school and the teacher looked really young, as in she could easily have been a college student. The nasty comments I used to hear about "the child" teaching their dc etc, not in a complimentary way but in a horrible way with a real nasty tone. I later found out that teacher was 29, so hardly a graduate fresh out of uni with no experience, she was a good teacher too.

I also recall myself, when a colleague I was managing pointed over at me and told one of the admin staff I was the new manager (we worked in the kitchen) and hearing her say "really?" to my colleague in a disbelieve tone. I was 31 at the time. She used to try and patronise me because she clearly thought I was too young to be taken seriously as a manager but I soon proved her wrong as I had 15 years experience in the industry.

I have always been told I look younger than I am but I don't think it's in a 'good' way.

I'm in my early 30s and someone asked me if I lived at home with mum and dad the other day. I know some people do, but it was clearly meant in a 'you must be young' kind of way.

I have that plain Jane sort of look - and quite short but not slender, which makes me look clumsy and unsure of myself. I don't look mature and womanly.
Plus I'm not confident generally, and lack of confidence can make people appear younger, it's not just looks.

I think I the type of person who will look older than they are once I hit around middle age though.

Its not delusional when you are told this throughout your entire life, starting with being dragged into the primary school playground by a teacher who thought I was absconding, despite being in secondary, to being preyed on by paedophiles despite being 18, to tradesmen asking 'is your father/mother home (no, but my husband is), to being mistaken for your daughters sister despite the fact you were 30 when she was born... These are not made as 'compliments' but genuine mistakes on the part of other people.

By the time (now) its advantageous, you have such bad vibes around your age, you can't actually enjoy it!

Then they're breaking safeguarding. She needs photo ID. If a teacher cannot distinguish between students and staff, that's a very serious problem.
If it's a school with uniform, I'm guessing she wasn't in uniform? If it isn't - lanyards.

Exactly. It's not about looking young, it's about how you conduct yourself. Being assertive and confident and a capable professional.

@CandleInTheStorm (or anyone else) you can send an image by private message, then it doesn't appear on the website. Use the envelope icon at the top.

@Kanaloa - I was head of department when I was 27, head of KS4 at 29. I was young, looked young, but believe me, my colleagues, students and staff took me seriously!

I know two people - one is a relative, the other the daughter of an acquaintance from years back - who genuinely look much younger that they are. This is pretty much due to the fact that they are under 5 feet tall. One is the height of a 10 year old, and generally looks extremely child like from a distance.

Even then, a short time spent in either person's company would make it bloody obvious that they are adult women.

There are exceptional exceptions, but I think nearly all of these incidents upthread are due to people taking throwaway 'compliments' to heart and thinking that being id'd is because they look 17.

I've been told I look younger than my years, but as in a few years - I'm 40's and look mid 30's at best - no-one's asking where my school uniform is.

I used to until I got 38...not sure what happened but overnight I stopped being asked for ID etc. ah well.

I get this and it's very annoying. I'm a professor at a university but get asked if I'm a PhD student!

Quite. Most of my kids' teachers have been under 30 - it's a tough profession and the majority don't stick it out.

Many of my friends and colleagues are in their 20s or early 30s - I've never treated them with anything less than full professional respect- as I also do when I work with actual young people (18-21).

When i actually was in my mid-20s, I was treated with full respect by those I worked with (who knew exactly how old I really was).

Those who think they are being treated with less respect because people perceive them to be very young are misunderstanding something fundamental. It's not about how old people think you are.

All schools have lanyards for staff and visitors. All of them. I go into schools regularly as part of my work.

Exactly, @Bamboux - I made a similar point upthread. I got respect as a 22 year old teacher, same as I do now. It's not about appearance. Something else is going on.

Well maybe I’m wrong. I bow to your greater knowledge. I’m not sure it’s worth arguing about but you do you 😂

Indeed. No teacher, not one, would ever mistake a teacher for a student. Ever. We wear photo ID with the school's distinctive lanyard. It's obvious we're teachers. It's basic safeguarding. Post 16 students not in uniform also wear photo ID with a bright lanyard. Also safeguarding.
Younger students wear uniform. It would not happen.

Well it was you that made the claim.
We're just pointing out that it wouldn't happen.

Or could it be that you haven't experienced it but others just may have done? Sorry I don't mean that to sound but condescending but there's plenty of things I don't/have never experienced but i don't doubt it has to others or that their experience isn't valad.

Looking baby faced in a certain time frame in life can be a real hindrance and it falls into the same sort of category as 'skinny' people who struggle to gain weight. People think it's wonderful and dismiss any comments which the person hates but it gets dismissed as nothing because the person is 'skinny' after all. And everyone wants to be skinny, right, so that's ok? 🤔

Yes, @CandleInTheStorm - ok, you're very young looking etc etc, but that's not a reason not to treat you with respect. Plenty of teachers, doctors, dentists, whoever, are in their 20s and still get respect. That's really our point.

You're right it's not. I'll try and send a pic of my younger self when this was all an issue (I don't really care now.)