Does anyone else look quite young

[EgyptAdvice]

but really hate it? I'm not here to brag and I'm sure that I'll be accused of just that, but this is genuinely something which bothers me quite a lot. I'm in my mid 30s, but don't feel I get taken seriously because I look young. I was recently asked if I was my partner's daughter (we are no longer together, he's only 8 years older than me, but he still brings this up lightheartedly) and feel I don't get taken seriously at work when in male dominated meetings. I'm constantly being told I look young and one of the men at work called me 'babyface' which felt quite demeaning. It no longer feels like a compliment (such as if you get asked for ID when buying alcohol) but more like a running joke. I'm constantly googling 'ways to make yourself look older'. Am I being unreasonable that commenting on someone's appearance like this isn't ok? Or should I just take it as a compliment?

OK, so if you met me you'd be one of the people who thinks I look younger because I don't fit your stereotype. I have zero lines on my 50 year old skin. Not one, though I won't claim to have the skin of a 20 year old. At 20 I didn't have a tendency towards dry skin which I've had to start moisturising in the last couple of years. No sagging yet but I don't think my mother developed any sagging until she was about 60, around the jowls. It's possibly EDS.

That would explain the 80 year olds at parents evening...

Being unlined doesn't mean you look 20 at 50. No 50 year old looks like a 20 year old FFS.

I don't see anyone on this thread that has claimed to look 30 years younger. That's just silly.

I was 27 the last time I was asked for ID. My daughter, who is 32 recently started work part time at a high school. She got told off by one of the teachers for not being I her lesson when she was walking to a meeting. She is frequently asked for ID in supermarkets when she tries to buy booze.

Im 45 but look about 10 years younger. Pre Covid I had to show my colleagues my driving licence to prove I wasn't late 20s early 30s because they didnt believe me when I said I'd seen Eminem in concert the first time round. (2001 ish)

That said, I look younger because Im fat which pushes the ole wrinkles out😀
If I lost a few stone id probably look like a scrunched up paper bag.

I'm in my 50s, and have very few lines/wrinkles. Just genetically fortunate. I also have no jowls (yet.) My neck is OK too. I STILL look like a woman in my 50s... Why the fuck WOULDN'T I look like a woman in my 50s??? Moreover, what is WRONG with looking your age?

Why are people so desperate to insist they don't look their age, and even though they're 42, they are constantly asked for ID, they get asked why they're not in school, and when they answer the door to someone, they get asked where their mommy is?! I don't know a single person in real life who this has ever happened to.

My daughter gets asked for ID occasionally, but that's because she's in her mid 20s, and people aren't sure of her age. She looks 18-19 sometimes, and mid 20s other times. Depending on how she is dressed, and if she has make up on. She sometimes looks 18-19 y.o. She does not look fucking 12!

In addition, a woman I know who is 43 has 2 daughters aged 16 and 18, and from 50 yards or so away, they all look the same. 5 ft 5-ish, long medium brown hair, and similar clothes. On closer inspection, you can tell which is the 43 year old mother! She is very pretty, and does look younger that 43 to be fair. But she would pass for 33-35 at the youngest.

NO-ONE looks more than 8-10 years younger, not when you look properly. Even celebrities like J-Lo and Jennifer Aniston (both in their early to mid 50s,) who are both pretty, and look good, do NOT look much younger than their age. They still look like... women in their mid 40s. They don't look 18!

People are deluded. As a few posters have said, when someone is guessing someone's age, they knock 5 to 10 years off to be polite. I know a woman who asked me to guess her age once, and I was polite. She looked 48-50, and I said 'umm 40 to 42?' She was 41, and was incensed that I said she looked 40-42. Because SHE thought she looked early to mid 30s. 'You're joking' she said 'You think I look 40?!'

I said, but you are 41 anyway? So I have got it almost bang on...' She said, 'yeah but everyone thinks I look like I am in my early 30s. How rude to say I look 40.'

Some people on these threads pull out Floella Benjamin. She is very attractive and DOES look younger than 73, but she does not look 35! She looks like a woman in her early 60s. Ditto Helen Mirren. Attractive, and looks younger than 77, but again, maybe mid to late 60s... She doesn't look any younger than mid to late 60s. They both look 10 years younger at the most. (Except when Helen had that dreadful long hair the other week... That made her look 80!)

AGAIN, ........ WHAT IS WRONG WITH LOOKING YOUR AGE????????

There's nothing wrong with looking your age. Some people just - don't.

Looks are never anything I've been too concerned about. I don't ever wear make up. I grudgingly have adapted to the most minimal skin care now that I get dry skin. What I DO care about physically is being healthy and able to do the things I love. I'd rather retain my health and mobility if I had to choose between that and later aging. I hope I'll be lucky in that way.

I’ll be 40 this month but regularly get told I look under 30. I used to like it but it’s quite annoying now, especially when I want to be taken seriously at work. Or anywhere in fact.

I have pretty decent skin but I still look my age! Inherited the mouth to nose lines which don't help
I'm definitely not teeny though being 5ft 10 but I'm happy with my skin for my age

She would have got into trouble for not wearing her photo ID on the school lanyard. Basic safeguarding.

You're spot on, @DannyZukosSmile
I think people take a generous compliment as an objective fact.
Also, there are some very tall tales on here....

I think what you and a lot of other posters are missing here is no one is saying it's been a good thing for them. No one is trying to say, "Look at me I look sooo young how amazing!" They are saying "I look baby faced and get treated differently/patronised because of it so hate it". There's a big difference in tone.

It's really shit, not so much now because getting older has naturally upped my confidence levels and I at least look in my 30s,just. But when I was younger I would have very happily traded my "baby face" for one that at least looked my age and not a teenager, especially having kids to avoid the crappy/patronising comments, being disregarded and the constant need to "act" to be seen as older. It was really shit!

Just because people haven't met/known anyone in real life who looks really young and treated differently because of it, doesn't mean it is all made up. I didn't tell most people how I was treated or how it made me feel so they would probably have no idea.

I had that too when I told someone I saw a few rappers in concert in the early 00s who were renewed for a lot of bad language/explicit song lyrics. They look at me confused and say "you went when you were a child?" When I said I was 19 at the time i was met with a very surprised look!

I did have someone say to me about 3 years ago during covid time when the 90s came up in general conversation "I'm surprised you remember the 90s?" I was 16 in 2000! Thought that was an odd comment 🤔

You probably have mistaken their age but had reason to think otherwise. They don't have hoards of people gushing over them at how wonderfully young they look. It's more an undertone of patronising behaviour on how they *may get treated, especially if they're a parent. The only saving grace is that as you get into your 30s, you start caring less about it, plus even if you look younger, people see you as an adult at least. But in your 20s it's horrible because people just see a teenager and treat accordingly.

*had no reason to think otherwise

"OMG. I'm so embarrassed. I work in a supermarket and had to ask a teenager for id, but it turned out that she was a 47 year old woman. Literally, I could not believe it. She looked SO YOUNG."

What I cannot work out (I mentioned similar upthread) is that there's apparently LOTS of women out there in their 30's and 40's who are so youthful that they get id'd on a regular basis, and yet I haven't seen or heard one single comment in 16 years on MN - or in rl - saying ANYTHING like this ^^

Where are all these people who constantly mistake middle aged women for teenagers?

I know that many people look genuinely a bit younger than their years, but some of these comments are hilarious. I do think that some people are a bit too susceptible to a throwaway comment.

When my son was a student he used to work in Tesco. They had to ask for ID at regular intervals. He said often women would say "you've made my day!" but he didn't even look at them, it was just expected that they had to check frequently.

NO-ONE looks more than 8-10 years younger, not when you look properl

But most on the thread are in agreement with this. But certain posters are saying that NO body looks younger. People can look 8-10 years younger or older it is fact regardless of which side of the coin you are on or even if you look your exact age. .

The comment about ethnicity, if someone the same ethnicity as me tells me I don't look my age I am more likely to believe it because they are more likely to be comparing me to others of similar ethnicity in general terms darker skin doesn't look aged as quickly as white skin. If I am told this by someone of a different race I tend to take it with a pinch of salt as they are more likely comparing me with skin that on average looks aged quicker than mine.

I'm not sure why certain posters are so sensitive about this.

I did get regularly ID'd until my early 40s, but I don't for one moment think that it's because they actually thought I was underage. They have targets to meet and they are more likely to ask someone vaguely youthful-looking (i.e. anyone in their 20s and 30s) than an obvious OAP with white hair and a walking stick.

You're absolutely right, @Bamboux - see my post upthread.

It's just flattery. I recently saw an exhibition of an artist I really love, and was chatting to the guard (a bloke a few years younger than me). I told him I'd loved this artist ever since I first saw an exhibition of his in 1999. This guy did a whole "no way you could have seen that then!" etc. It's a spiel. It's obviously flattery directed at middle-aged women who are still within spitting distance of being young. I recognise the tone and the style from when my mum was my age. I didn't for one second think "oh he really thinks I was too young to have seen it".

no one is saying it's been a good thing for them. No one is trying to say, "Look at me I look sooo young how amazing!" They are saying "I look baby faced and get treated differently/patronised because of it so hate it". There's a big difference in tone.

Are you familiar with the term humblebrag at all?

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/humblebrag

https://www.dictionary.com/browse/humblebrag

There might be a few outliers who look significantly younger, but I think most adults look within five years of their actual age.

Ageing is not just about facial wrinkles and jowls - it's about overall skin texture, hair volume and body shape. The skin of older people tends to look duller, even if they're not wrinkled.

You can't trust what people tell you about how old you look - even if they give you a straight answer, they are likely to be people you know well, and you tend not to see changes in people you've aged alongside.