To think society is misogynistic and often toxic about infertility?

[leaveitnow1244]

So, hear me out,

I just put into tiktok and Instagram infertility and have scrolled through hundreds and hundreds of women devastated by infertility.

Not one male? I understand men aren't as open with emotions but I still find it very odd that not one man is devastated about infertility to make content about it, really?! Not one.

It made me think, are men just not that bothered and most of the time dragged along this parenting journey? (Of course I know some men are upset by infertility I'm not saying every single guy is unbothered but it strikes me as very odd that not one single man wants to voice his opinion on it)

Now the next thing is, every single piece of information is about the devastation of infertility. Not one helpful bit of information about the positives it can bring, or how to positively deal with it instead of letting it crush your whole life.

Nothing about how not everyone suffering infertility is 'devastated' and some just accept it and can still be relatively happy.

I was saddened by how toxic these messages are and how infertility appears to be one narrative - it's the most terrible thing that can happen to a woman.

That's not helpful to everyone, at all.

I'm infertile and of course, have bad days but on the whole I'm quite happy with life and not Devastated but this stuff made me feel like maybe I should be.

It's just sad how society makes us feel like women should lose hope with life basically if they can't have children. It's very sad.

Well we keep on hearing women don't want men involved in any decisions in pregnancy nor be at the birth then once the child is born they dictate that the man is not doing it right

'My body my choice'

It has to be my way or no way

Then when it all goes wrong 'he needs to pay' and if he does anything positive he is called 'Disney dad'

Now I agree with some of it but there is pick and mix that it has to be as the mother says, so why would they be desperate for that?

Tictoc runs on algorithms, presuming you are female - you will get different videos to your DH if he searched the same phrase. Me and my DH watch tictoc all the time and it aggravates me that i get shit videos compared to him. If we are watching together we will watch his tictoc because mine is filled with misogynistic shit comparatively; Never once have i searched about make up, shopping, dresses, cleaning products & face filters - but i get video after video of this stuff when DH gets videos about interesting stories, space, history, explosions, aircraft, gangsters, comedians and other "manly" shit....

You may be right about your thoughts - but you cannot base your decisions on what videos you are shown - when you don't have a comparative feed of a male.

#rantover

Men don’t talk about infertility (as much) because it’s seen as a slur on their manhood.

The couples I know that have had IVF have been due to the man's fertility problems.
Yet they are perfectly happy to see each round of failed IVF as the woman's fault...

Their fertility problems aren't known to the
general friendship group but every time there's a failed cycle & I hear the blokes talking about their partners' fertility issues, I just want to scream 'you're the bloody problem here, not her!!'

Who knows if my friends would've been able to conceive naturally if they were with a man that had decent swimmers.

Who knows if my friends would've been able to conceive naturally if they were with a man that had decent swimmers.

You are part of the problem of the stigma of male infertility. How would you feel if a man with no fertility issues saying he might have been able to get a woman with decent eggs pregnant?

Infertility is devastating for men. Assuming it's age related infertility for their female partner, as a man there is an awful powerlessness as there's little we can do. We grieve for our partner and we also grieve for the part of ourselves we are losing - 'expectancy' . We are conditioned, I would say are biologically conditioned, to want to help make babies and when we can't fulfill that it's very hard for men too. One thing I would say is if a woman freezes eggs ( normally meaning ideally around 20-30 eggs collected between 33 and 37, across 2 or even 3 rounds) then that does help, because it means that there's hope for ivf success. I know of 3 women in their mid 40s who had babies recently from their 35 year old eggs. It takes away the time and stress about having to do the egg harvesting at say 39-41 when it just won't be as successful any more, even in fertile couples. I read a lot of articles knocking egg freezing ( and others too blithely supporting the notion) but there's no doubt that it is better for a woman to do it then not to try it. To be blunt, most men would expect a woman of 36 plus to have done the procedure, ideally twice. Nothing remotely sexist about that - just as DH cuts on alcohol, coffee etc and keeps fit for sperm quality. I think it's really important that primary as well as fertility doctors have that chat with women, ideally at 30. Anecdotally, I hear that female doctors are more comfortable in doing so. In general society is only starting to properly engage with fertility as a major health topic. Which is great for the 30 year olds of today. We are now having a baby by egg donor at the age of 43.