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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think planning your day is wasting time you could use?

101 replies

underthesunshine · 01/04/2023 23:15

I don't mean planning things if you work from home or something but my close friend literally plan things like

  • first 15 mins after waking, let dog out, brush teeth and do skin care
  • feed dog and make breakfast
  • call dentist to make appointment
  • check emails
  • get ready
  • take dog out for walk
  • go to work

You get the gist... very detailed of quite small non thought about things?

I'm not judging her by any means! Just surprised doing such a detailed list doesn't just waste more time of your day... she said she likes having the plan and routine before she starts the day or she feels overwhelmed.

Overwhelmed if you have a whole load of things you need to do and remember and therefore writing a list but... brushing teeth? Confused that's something I'd maybe make for my toddler.

OP posts:
Fairislefandango · 01/04/2023 23:18

YABU. It would take a moment to write that down. Certainly not enough time to make a difference to your day. I suspect this is more about you not seeing the value in doing this, rather than you really believing it wastes a meaningful amount of time. She finds it helpful - why does that bother you?

WhyCantYourPartnerDoIt · 01/04/2023 23:21

You’re clearly judging her - saying you’re not doesn’t make it true.

Butt out. If it works for her, it works for her.

SnarkyBag · 01/04/2023 23:22

If it works for her so what? Everyone’s different and actually it’s great strategy for some people.
maybe open your mind a little, not everyone is the same!

audweb · 01/04/2023 23:24

I am waiting on an adhd diagnosis. I need to include things like brush my teeth in my days plan otherwise I will forget.

whatever works for people, does it really matter if that’s how she finds it easiest to juggle things?

BMW6 · 01/04/2023 23:24

Don't be a twat. It works for her so what's it to you!? Why sneering over someone else's habits that have no impact on you whatsoever?🙄

PousseyNotMoira · 01/04/2023 23:24

YABVVU and rather ignorant. If people have issues with executive function and self regulation, lists are often the only way anything gets done. Read any thread on here about ADHD.

I applaud your friend for taking the initiative and structuring her life in a way that means she can function.

Sprinkles21 · 01/04/2023 23:25

Yabu I have adhd if I don't write it on my list even brushing my teeth I get distracted and forget by having a full ridiculous list makes me feel I've accomplished something even if very minor and boosts my self worth. Its a coping strategy

Cherryana · 01/04/2023 23:26

The inventor of the bullet journal wholeheartedly disagrees with you…

Original poster
underthesunshine · 01/04/2023 23:27

I really didn't mean any offence by it and I didn't come here to poke fun. I was just genuinely curious if this was actually something a lot of people seem to do? It seems very mundane to me and yes, time consuming to have to even think about things I don't need to consider thinking about and hurting my head deciding where that's going to go in the day.

She doesn't have ADHD, genuinely wasn't trying to suggesting coping mechanisms for that are strange.

OP posts:
Sparklesocks · 01/04/2023 23:27

Don’t worry so much about how other people manage their lives. If it works for them, great. It has no bearing on you whatsoever. Yes you’re absolutely judging her, you’ve even started an online thread for others to jump in on her too.

WhatFreshHeckle · 01/04/2023 23:28

I think some people do it to stay focused and keep their thoughts in order.

I do know what you mean though. I'd make a start on a list like that and then would immediately lose patience and just get on with my day. Each to their own though and I love a to-do list (without times). I also do things like make an inventory of my wardrobe / freezer etc and then make a wishlist / shopping list. That is pretty sad isn't it?

CatchYouOnTheFlippetyFlop · 01/04/2023 23:29

I'm not sure if you know OP, but feeding the dog is considered a large task on MN.

It's always included in lists of tasks when someone is trying to point out how lazy someone else is.

Get dogs bowl, open packet of food, put food in bowl, place bowl on mat.

PousseyNotMoira · 01/04/2023 23:30

underthesunshine · 01/04/2023 23:27

I really didn't mean any offence by it and I didn't come here to poke fun. I was just genuinely curious if this was actually something a lot of people seem to do? It seems very mundane to me and yes, time consuming to have to even think about things I don't need to consider thinking about and hurting my head deciding where that's going to go in the day.

She doesn't have ADHD, genuinely wasn't trying to suggesting coping mechanisms for that are strange.

Saying she’s wasting time wasn’t meant to be judgmental, then? that's something I'd maybe make for my toddler wasn’t poking fun?

She doesn't have ADHD

How the hell would you know? Half the people with ADHD don’t even know themselves!

Hawkins003 · 01/04/2023 23:30

Sometimes these help people to remember different aspects.
Similar if I'm doing a shopping list ect

WhyCantYourPartnerDoIt · 01/04/2023 23:30

Poking fun is judging.

you sound like an asshole.

specialk9 · 01/04/2023 23:33

Am I your friend ?!

I plan my days like these. I have low level OCD (yes, diagnosed). I'm extremely routine driven and planning like this stops me feeling overwhelmed with all the small day to day tasks.

I've tried stopping but I'm too unproductive.

I have a daily to do list which is the same every day. I use the notes section in my phone and just copy/paste so it doesn't take that long. I probably spend 10 minutes in bed at night checking the next days plan and adding in extra things that need doing.

I won't forget to do things like 'make the bed' for example but it's just a coping strategy for me.

It's interesting your friend shared this with you, because apart from DH, and maybe my kids I haven't shared it with anyone and they would probably be as baffled as you!

echt · 01/04/2023 23:33

To be sure that looks like a very unusual planning list.
BUT
She's told you exactly why she does this so what's the problem? If it works for her it works for her.

JustAnotherManicNameChange · 02/04/2023 00:00

I have those lists but in my head . Then i repeat them to myself over and over. Then i repeat what I've done already and what still needs doing. My brain is a busy place.

If I don't then I forget things, or they don't get done or I lose the motivation to do it, especially if they're not part of my normal routine.

deveronvalley · 02/04/2023 00:02

I used to write detailed lists like these when I was a kid. I just really enjoyed writing these lists, complete with timings etc. No ADHD. I still like lists and also writing things on calendars. My kid goes to the same activities week in week out but I still write them on the calendar. It is like, once it’s written down, I have taken control of it and it’s not floating around in my mind like fog.

TheShellBeach · 02/04/2023 00:05

JustAnotherManicNameChange · 02/04/2023 00:00

I have those lists but in my head . Then i repeat them to myself over and over. Then i repeat what I've done already and what still needs doing. My brain is a busy place.

If I don't then I forget things, or they don't get done or I lose the motivation to do it, especially if they're not part of my normal routine.

So do I. I get panicky without my internal lists.

LittleRedYarny · 02/04/2023 00:20

@underthesunshine So your friend makes a list and it makes her feel more in control and calm… I struggling to see how this is a problem that impacts your life?

Basically you just think it’s wrong/weird because you don’t do it or see the need for it. You do realise that everyone’s different and that’s ok.

I bet if we went through your life with a fine tooth comb we could probably find a fair few things we could say similar about that you do every day. Not much of a good friend are you?

MrsToothyBitch · 02/04/2023 00:53

It's not a waste of time if someone feels that they need to do this to avoid wasting their day.

And yes, you are judging.

mondaytosunday · 02/04/2023 01:12

Well I don't need to write down stuff that's just part of the routine, I'm not going to forget to let the dogs out, feed the cats and brush my teeth!
I only 'plan' if doing something not part of my usual day, to make sure I give myself enough time and am organised.
But some people enjoy making lists and then crossing things off - if it works for them then who cares?

NotanotherboxofFrogs · 02/04/2023 01:14

I hope you aren't my friend? I would feel very judged.

My daily lists include, by copying my lists each day and ticking off as I go it allows me to free that from my head and gives me a small dopamine hit of ticking things off.

Does it need to be so broken down into parts? Not really but it helps me and at the same time it doesn't cause anyone any harm so I do what I need to. My brain gets overwhelmed easily so by ticking off as I go, I stop the overwhelm.

Some examples copied and pasted from my notes app

Getting dressed
Skin care
Make up
brush teeth
brush hair
Breakfast
Leaving the house

wash load ✔
spin cycle (I like to do this 6 times) ✔✔, ✔✔, ✔✔
dryer load ✔

feed cat
wet✔
dry ✔
water ✔
Cats inside ✔✔
Cats outside ✔✔

empty dishwasher✔
reload dishwasher ✔
add tablet ✔
run dishwasher ✔

Reinventinganna · 02/04/2023 01:19

I'm not judging her by any means!

yeah but no but…

I love a good list.

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