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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think planning your day is wasting time you could use?

101 replies

underthesunshine · 01/04/2023 23:15

I don't mean planning things if you work from home or something but my close friend literally plan things like

  • first 15 mins after waking, let dog out, brush teeth and do skin care
  • feed dog and make breakfast
  • call dentist to make appointment
  • check emails
  • get ready
  • take dog out for walk
  • go to work

You get the gist... very detailed of quite small non thought about things?

I'm not judging her by any means! Just surprised doing such a detailed list doesn't just waste more time of your day... she said she likes having the plan and routine before she starts the day or she feels overwhelmed.

Overwhelmed if you have a whole load of things you need to do and remember and therefore writing a list but... brushing teeth? Confused that's something I'd maybe make for my toddler.

OP posts:
Kanaloa · 02/04/2023 01:20

I always think it’s better to work smart. Too many people rush round working their butts off and getting nothing done because they haven’t clearly prioritised and made a good record of what needs to be done. I probably wouldn’t include brushing my teeth but I do like having a clear list of what to do, and I find things get accomplished much more quickly. But of course if it’s not for you then you don’t need to make lists!

Kanaloa · 02/04/2023 01:22

What I mean is, I would list in my diary things that must be done such as uni work, work deadlines, stuff for the kids etc, and would break down and prioritise so that it all gets done and I use my time the best I can. I wouldn’t put things like brush my teeth and wash my face because I see those as just things I do. But if someone else wants to then why not? Maybe it makes them feel productive.

Luredbyapomegranate · 02/04/2023 01:35

You are judging her. Don’t.

It’s quite common for people who struggle with focus (ADHD etc) to find lists like this helpful

Phoebo · 02/04/2023 01:40

Either she's very organised or disorganised. I don't understand how people don't plan, surely then you miss put on getting things done if you haven't actually planned for it. My DH and I are both planners, have lists for everything

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 02/04/2023 01:41

I do quite like a good list. The satisfaction of ticking things off 🤤

Topseyt123 · 02/04/2023 01:45

It's not something I would do because most of those things I would just consider routine and would carry them in my head.

If your friend likes to write actual lists though then that is her prerogative. If it works for her then that is fine. No issues.

MummyInTheNecropolis · 02/04/2023 02:21

When I was seriously depressed I made simple little lists like this each day as they helped me function, and feel like I was achieving something. Some days I could barely manage to do anything, so being able to tick off things like shower, brush teeth, open curtains etc made me feel like I had done something worthwhile and wasn’t completely useless. I don’t do it anymore, but I will again if I ever find myself in that dark place.

specialk9 · 02/04/2023 07:35

What I love about this thread is that I've found out other people do this and it makes me feel good !

Riapia · 02/04/2023 07:49

You asked a question about something your friend does and now you’re being judged on MN for asking.
Funny old world OP.
😉😁😁

WandaWonder · 02/04/2023 07:54

I don't get why friends like golf, going for spa treatments, having waxes, or doing a million things same as there is things i do they don't get

But to question why people do these things to me is weird, your friend is not doing wrong

This to me shows more about you

Ducksinthebath · 02/04/2023 07:57

Who cares if she has ADHD or not? I’ve found lists, including very detailed ones, helpful when I’ve been bereaved and struggled to focus, when I was busy and had lots of competing priorities or when I’ve wanted to feel productive (ticking off a few easy wins is a great way to get motivated for the big stuff). If she likes it then keep your nose out and stop judging.

Also, maybe the first few you’ve listed are standing items and don’t get added every day so she’s not repeatedly “wasting time”. In fact, it’s you wasting time posting your judgy thoughts on a perfectly normal way of running life.

Lonecatwithkitten · 02/04/2023 07:57

There have been times in my life where I need to physically see every small win on a list to feel like I was achieving anything.
Does it matter? It clearly works for her for whatever reason?
People have listed so many reasons why she might do this, but you seem to lack empathy for your friend to consider that this maybe a good coping mechanism for them.

iusedtobeasize8 · 02/04/2023 07:58

I have to write things down otherwise I get overwhelmed or completely distracted. It's also doesn't help putting reminders on my phone. Pen and paper lists are the only way. I have adhd traits though Ive never been diagnosed. My asd son is the same.

YukoandHiro · 02/04/2023 08:02

What's it got to do with you? You're being so rude and judgemental. Even if you think you're not.
I have a friend who eats the same thing for lunch every single day unless she's out for a meal with friends/colleagues. That would not work for me but it seems to be important for her in terms of predictability in a mad world so... fair enough! Whatever works to help people live a useful and comfortable life.

anxiousatnight · 02/04/2023 08:03

I do this. Maybe not quite to the degree of brushing teeth, but lots of small tasks like empty dishwasher and hang washing out, even though I can see it there in front of me that it needs doing.

Strangely, I used to work in a job where I had loads to do and had to juggle a lot of things, and I coped absolutely fine without lists. Now I'm a SAHM to primary aged children and have plenty of time and not that much to do, but I really struggle to keep track of what jobs I need to do. It's like nothing is urgent enough to make it to the top of the list I hold mentally in my head, so I have to physically write it down for it to be doneZ

BitOutOfPractice · 02/04/2023 08:05

Oh I love a good list and / or timetable. I have many.

like some other PP I don’t put routine stuff on but I have found the insight on this thread into how other people use lists, what lists they use and how it helps them really interesting and thought provoking so thank you for opening that up to me op.

I hope it’s made you realise that your friend is just doing her thing.

BakewellGin1 · 02/04/2023 08:07

I don't write lists at home (at work I do) but inside my head is chaos and I probably should.

BogRollBOGOF · 02/04/2023 08:07

The problem with lists is that you already need to know what you need to do, and you need a big brain dump first, then join it up into a mindmap to order it then you can finally write a list. And I'd still probably forget about the teeth until they felt fuzzy mid-morning if the usual routine was broken by something like a mis-timed wail from a child unable to find the clean socks in the laundry that he was asked to put away 3 days ago.

The children have executive function issues, I'm.pretty sure that they weren't inherited from DH...

Ragwort · 02/04/2023 08:08

Yes I do this too, maybe not down to the detail of brushing teeth but I am just about to get up and plan my day and will write a quick list ... my DH does it too, he's retired and is very 'efficient' with his time and always schedules exercise, chores etc ... otherwise the day can just drift and you've achieved nothing except Mumsnetting Grin.

Singleandproud · 02/04/2023 08:09

The vast majority of adult women who have a diagnosis for Adhd, autism or other executive functioning issue only got the diagnosis when their children did and recognized the same traits in themselves. When we were at school only the most blatant behaviours got picked up and it was often known as 'naughty boy syndrome' which it isn't. So you have no idea if she has Adhd or not and if she just has a coping mechanism she likes to use to get on with her day

Maybebabyno2 · 02/04/2023 08:09

I'm way more productive with a to do list. It pushes me to do thr stuff I don't want to because I like ticking things off 🤣

Whenharrymetsmelly · 02/04/2023 08:12

Luredbyapomegranate · 02/04/2023 01:35

You are judging her. Don’t.

It’s quite common for people who struggle with focus (ADHD etc) to find lists like this helpful

Good lord, why does everyone on MN have to have ADHD, autism etc!!? 🙄🤯

Lovingitallnow · 02/04/2023 08:14

If I don't put lunch down on my list I forget to plan the time to have lunch. I'll realise it just at school runs or I'll forget that I'd already made a plan for lunch and start making something else even though I've chicken defrosted or whatever. If I don't make a list I can't get started.

SheWentWest · 02/04/2023 08:18

Somebody with high distractability trying to take control of their focus. I have to do this several times a day and have a lot of traits in common with adhd. No chance of being assessed for it though.

Switchwitch · 02/04/2023 08:18

I use a bullet journal for work and I have to break things down to get them done and not forget. I have lots of 'respond to x , add attachment to email' type lists. But I do sometimes find the bujo Facebook groups quite ridiculous. A lot of them have whole planner days just for the washing cycle. I assume they don't work because they never have any planners that involve trying to manage 17 projects at the same time.