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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School run dilemma.

567 replies

whydid · 01/04/2023 19:53

I don't want to drip feed so will try to include everything.

My son has started reception this year at the local school around 5 minutes walk away.
I have a 2.5 year old and I'm pregnant due May 10th!

On the odd time I have took my neighbours son to school with me when she had an emergency or she was feeding her baby.

Yesterday morning she dropped into conversation that they cannot keep affording to send their 12 year old to school via taxi anymore and as he has anxiety he cannot go by bus so will be needing to drive her to school and can I permanently take her younger son to school and in the afternoons pick him up and bring him home with me till 5pm ish as she needs to collect baby from childminder and it's becoming too tight.
(She is stopping after school wrap around care as it is too expensive)

When I mentioned I will be saddled with a newborn next month her response was "well you would still be doing it anyway so what's an extra child" and I just was so shocked I didn't reply and my toddler started crying so I said my goodbyes.

How do I deal with this without making it extremely awkward for the rest of our lives. As these homes are both our "forever homes"

OP posts:
Guavafish1 · 03/04/2023 04:02

She is CF

I suspect she won't give up easily... free child care is something ppl will be CF about. So don't be surprised if she asks again, even after your text.

Codlingmoths · 03/04/2023 04:18

That was an excellently clear response, well done and enjoy your baby!

converseandjeans · 03/04/2023 04:24

I can't work out why she wants childcare until 5pm? Surely she would be back by 3.45 if eldest is only 5 mins drive? Also why can't the 12 year old wait 15 mins for his Mum so she picks up 5 year old then swings by to collect eldest? Most 12 year olds get the bus or walk.

She sounds really demanding & should actually be helping you out with a toddler and a newborn to think about.

Codlingmoths · 03/04/2023 04:40

Quite. A less cheeky fucker neighbour would be offering to do pick ups once or twice a week so op doesn’t have to get the baby up and ready and out of the house every afternoon. Anyone normal who had had that much help from the op would be expecting to do that as a given!

Codlingmoths · 03/04/2023 04:41

As for expecting op to sit at home with the neighbours child every afternoon because she doesn’t want to pay wraparound… just no fucking way.

TheHoodedPaw · 03/04/2023 05:02

She’s probably already messaging her next target.

emptythelitterbox · 03/04/2023 05:08

You responded very well. Hopefully she has gotten the message.

sashh · 03/04/2023 05:08

Tell her you are not registered as a child minder so no you cannot take on her child as a mindee.

If she is taking 12 year old in the car then her 5 year old can go in the car too surely?

Kitkatcatflap · 03/04/2023 05:14

Well done OP - do not second guess yourself now. She knows what she has to do and you know that have put a stop to anymore CF requests.

Belledan1 · 03/04/2023 05:44

Good reply OP. Very cheeky if her especially to entertain her kid until 5pm when say school pick up is 3ish.

custardbear · 03/04/2023 06:21

What that really is a CF.
If the schools finished at the same time (doubtful!) then they need to set up something to pick one child up earlier, or just pay for after school club like the rest of us do.
Also why 5pm surely she means 10 mins after they've picked up the child 5 mins drive away?! Honestly some people dump their kids on unsuspecting nice people - you did the right thing

Mummyoflittledragon · 03/04/2023 06:23

Yfory · 03/04/2023 00:06

Plus......... if her 12yos school is a 5 minute drive away, thats probably 1.5 miles so he could easily walk that in about half an hour.

If the neighbour is talking about a school bus, the school will be more than 5 mins away as the minimum distance for providing transport for secondary age is 3 miles. If it’s a public bus, I totally agree with you.

Normally a parent with children of differing school ages will drop the eldest first and pick them up last. It’s entirely possible to arrive at secondary school from 8am, hang around for a while and leave a little late in the afternoon.

Well done for standing up to her op otherwise this would probably have been never ending. She’d probably have let this continue when your babies are school age and right through primary.

Weallgottachangesometime · 03/04/2023 06:28

Well done for saying no op!

Her reply is really odd. Talking about how her husband can’t leave his self employed worked as if that is in anyway your
problem. very weird how she seems to have expectations of you. Do you think she is surprised you managed to say no to her?

Hopefully she is hugely pissed off and won’t want you as a friend at all because who would want a friend like her anyway.

pictoosh · 03/04/2023 06:41

I agree...the husband's work situation is presented as some sort of counter argument. As if his job is of any concern to you. Did she think you'd say, "Oh I didn't realise his work was important, of course I'll provide wraparound care 5 days a week for nothing."

She's an arsehole.

Frozendaquiri · 03/04/2023 06:53

Wow I can't believe she actually tried to argue with you about it. That tells you all you need to know.

Littleheart5 · 03/04/2023 06:55

Some people are truly unbelievable!!

funinthesun19 · 03/04/2023 07:10

well you would still be doing it anyway so what's an extra child

Shes a CF. I hate it when people use this argument to try and manipulate someone in to taking their kids to school for them/picking them up. It’s designed to back someone in to a corner and make them feel like they can’t say no “because they’re going that way anyway.”

Also when someone says, “what’s one more child?” it’s often said to mums with with 3+ children. It’s basically “Oh you have loads of kids so here have mine too you won’t even notice him 🙄…” Actually their child is very noticeable and a bit of an inconvenience.

KatherineJaneway · 03/04/2023 07:16

Flangeosaurus · 01/04/2023 19:55

Text her: Sorry I was a bit flustered before because x was crying! I’m sorry but I can’t help with your youngest in that way, I’ve got too much on with my own after school. Hope you manage to get sorted with it x

Agree with this. Excellent response

BrutusMcDogface · 03/04/2023 07:18

What a cheeky fucking fucker. I’m glad you’ve said no.

Basilandparsleyandmint · 03/04/2023 07:31

Don’t do it OP,
a good friend and I got into a free childcare situation that didn’t work out.
I had her two children after school for a few nights. She took my two to school for s few days.
it became such a burden. Plus also we had different ideas of after school snacks. My two needed a good snack after school whereas she didn’t like her two having this.
then of course there are fall outs that will occur. If the child is poorly etc.

just stick to your guns and say no.

Twiglets1 · 03/04/2023 07:38

She is being so unreasonable! In the end you had no choice but to be firm with her so don't feel any guilt about that. Cheeky so and so....you are about to have a baby so if anything she should have been offering you support from May not asking for help herself!

MissMaple82 · 03/04/2023 07:39

Can't wait to see what her reply is....

Hayliebells · 03/04/2023 07:46

Your instinct about her was absolutely right. She's not really your friend, as was just taking advantage. If she's getting so snotty with you over what is really a very big ask, she's not someone you need in your life, neighbour or not.

QueenBeaver · 03/04/2023 07:48

No, because no doubt 5pm will slip to 5.05pm, then 5.10pm and before you know if you’ll have him past 6pm everyday. God, I loathe people who make you feel awkward when they’re the ones who should be feeling bad. Think of it this way, would she do the same for you? I highly doubt it. You’re not a childminder so just say no.

I mean the text message is nice but there’s alway’s room for pleading and her giving reasons why you must/should do it. It would be a strong ‘no’ from me and then just avoid her afterwards. She’ll soon move onto some
other mug. It’s not your problem if she can’t afford aftercare.

BlackFriday · 03/04/2023 07:53

Oh lordie, I've just re-read this and seen that she is expecting you to look after BOTH of her kids, not just the youngest!! I had initially understood it to mean that her oh-so-important husband would be entertaining the eldest and therefore couldn't manage their 5 year old.
I see now that she is saying that the 12 year old will entertain the younger two "so you don't have to." So that's 5 kids you'd have.
Fuck that!!