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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

School run dilemma.

567 replies

whydid · 01/04/2023 19:53

I don't want to drip feed so will try to include everything.

My son has started reception this year at the local school around 5 minutes walk away.
I have a 2.5 year old and I'm pregnant due May 10th!

On the odd time I have took my neighbours son to school with me when she had an emergency or she was feeding her baby.

Yesterday morning she dropped into conversation that they cannot keep affording to send their 12 year old to school via taxi anymore and as he has anxiety he cannot go by bus so will be needing to drive her to school and can I permanently take her younger son to school and in the afternoons pick him up and bring him home with me till 5pm ish as she needs to collect baby from childminder and it's becoming too tight.
(She is stopping after school wrap around care as it is too expensive)

When I mentioned I will be saddled with a newborn next month her response was "well you would still be doing it anyway so what's an extra child" and I just was so shocked I didn't reply and my toddler started crying so I said my goodbyes.

How do I deal with this without making it extremely awkward for the rest of our lives. As these homes are both our "forever homes"

OP posts:

SoFED · 02/04/2023 23:21

Sure there are childminders and wraparounds and lots of other options. Just means they cost her money. Well that’s like every other working parent out there. You should tell her to join the club!

Therealjudgejudy · 02/04/2023 23:22

She has some brass neck!

OP, you response was perfect

tolerable · 02/04/2023 23:25

did she say-when the 12 y old arrives he will entertain the younger ones????????Actual anxiety prevent taxi to school but gony swing in yours like mr tumble every night,?til after 5 cos it suits her??is he gony ,at 12(?)be tuned into siblings needs.toddler,baby and very put upon mama dynamics??
EEEEEEEEEEven if she requested you walk her kid home daily shes outrageously overstepping the mark. I do hope youre not worrying yourself over her rotten attitude or your refusal. people still confuse kindness as daftness.shes outta line

Indecisivebynature · 02/04/2023 23:28

You simply say “I’ve given it some thought and it’s more than I can manage”. She is being a HUGE cheeky fucker! She KNOWS it will be a huge strain on you md she doesn’t care so long as her needs are met and she saves money on wrap around care.

DONT feel guilty she isn’t considering you at all!

PinkSyCo · 02/04/2023 23:28

You’re going to be ‘saddled with a newborn?’ Bloody hell it sounds like you don’t even want your own let alone someone else’s kid! Well done for telling your CF neighbour though.

Mamanyt · 02/04/2023 23:30

And, if she keeps on about it, remember..."No" is a complete sentence.

cadburyegg · 02/04/2023 23:33

What a bloody cheek.

YANBU and well done for standing up for her. Not sure why she had to drop in about her h's job either. Bit of a stealth boast 😅

My friends and I help each other out occasionally but we would never commit to a regular arrangement, and we are always grateful for the other helping out.

TomatoSandwiches · 02/04/2023 23:38

A friend would have been offering to help you in return in May when you have a newborn not asking for more favours.
She has two adults in her own house to sort her school drop off troubles out, to try and fob her kids off on you is beyond the height of cheeky fuckery.
I hope she leaves you alone after that message, well done.

WhatAreYouOnAbout · 02/04/2023 23:42

Seriously, some people have a neck. Just say no. You’d love to be able to help but can’t commit to that. I had a situation like that where another mother in the neighborhood tried to piggyback on my childcare for free. No! I don’t give a flying one if she doesn’t like me, I don’t like her trying to take advantage of me. Happy to help an odd day but what happens then if your child is off or you can’t go. You have enough on your plate with the new baby. I can’t believe she would ask you. Don’t need takers like that. You being prone to feel bad she sees this in you and will manipulate it.

Fluffyslippersohyes · 02/04/2023 23:45

Agree with everyone plus surely she might imagine how hugely restricting that is every day. What if your DC want to
go to a class or you want to go and do something or you have an appointment? It’s just not on.

wingingit1987 · 02/04/2023 23:46

I would just flat out tell her no. The family next door to us have a daughter at our sons school and I know it would make a huge difference to them if we helped with the pick up/drop offs as it’s currently something they have to really juggle to get to sorted. However, I wouldn’t want to be roped into having another child to look after every day. Also, when I’m not on maternity leave, I work evenings so I would lose out on that wee bit of time I get to enjoy with my kids before I head out to work. I have helped in certain situations though- like when one of the parents was in hospital for a few days recently.

WhatAreYouOnAbout · 02/04/2023 23:46

Gosh her response just shows how manipulative she is. You are a nice person and need to distance yourself from her massively. Trust me it will be no loss to you

billy1966 · 02/04/2023 23:51

OP,

Well done, finally standing up for yourself.

She is absolutely a user.

A complete CF that thinks you are are dim and can be bullied.

Better you have nothing further to do with her.

Do not feel upset.

Be proud.

She is a neighbour no one needs.

Museya15 · 02/04/2023 23:54

That is so cheeky, what on earth goes through people's heads to even ask such a thing. That's wild.

weirdoboelady · 02/04/2023 23:56

I have a question (although I don't want to derail the thread)

I've read a few CF threads on MN. Does this woman get the 'cheekiest fucker yet' award or have I missed one? Surely she would make ANY shortlist?

viques · 02/04/2023 23:56

Just tell her” dear x I have looked into it and unfortunately I am not not able to accept payment for the childminding you have requested as I am not a registered childminder. I hope you get sorted. “

Shitsandwiches · 02/04/2023 23:57

She sounds spoilt and entitled - you definitely won't be the first she's pissed off like this, and you won't be the last either, so don't sweat it, you've handled it really well and you've got more than enough on your plate to be focusing on and it will soon become yesterdays news. Be interesting if her and her hotshot husband congratulate you on the birth when it happens? Was she thinking this arrangement was going to start the minute you give birth :D omg!! Good luck by the way, hope it all goes well.

ChocSaltyBalls · 02/04/2023 23:57

EL8888 · 02/04/2023 23:19

She’s something else! Her brass neck and cheek are impressive. “His jobs are important” really?! Why is that anyone else’s problem?! So you need to do her husbands share does she mean?! I’m pregnant and 2 weeks in front of you, no way would l take on extra commitments-especially for a total CF

Yes that bit about the husband’s job was particularly cheeky. Like he’s too important to pick up his own child so OP can do it?! Cheeky cow. I hope she reads this and sees exactly what most people think of her

viques · 03/04/2023 00:00

viques · 02/04/2023 23:56

Oh, have read through, I see things have moved on. Stand firm OP!

Yfory · 03/04/2023 00:03

"thought as a friend you would want to help out like I have told you plenty of times to send your son over but it's not my fault if you didn't take up the offer"
Thats CF emotional blackmail. Be firm and continue to say No. Or she will continue to push boundaries and manipulate you. Her childcare issues are not your problem.

Yfory · 03/04/2023 00:06

Plus......... if her 12yos school is a 5 minute drive away, thats probably 1.5 miles so he could easily walk that in about half an hour.

VeganStar · 03/04/2023 00:07

whydid · 01/04/2023 20:04

@Heroicallyfound Yes! I don't understand why I feel like this.

I think it's because I've martyred myself over the past 5 years, I've never asked for help and come whatever weather I've made that school run even when she complained that she didn't want to take her 10 month old out in the hailstones when it was okay for me to take mine and her kid out!
And it's a feeling of I give give give constantly!

I will text her that right now and see how she replies.

It's been okay me waddling with a big bump taking her child to school and a screaming toddler and my 5 year old while she was leisurely getting into her car for a play date and that's why I had to take her kid to school because she would miss the 9am play date!

Tell her to piss right off to fuck!😡

billy1966 · 03/04/2023 00:10

There are CF's, and there are CF's.

You know you have a real piece of work when they start arguing with your refusal to do their biding.

The OP has no need to engage further nor respond to any further texts.

She has said No.
No need to answer any further efforts on this womans part to bully her.

She was never a friend, just a user who saw the OP was a mug, and could be used.

Well done OP.

aloris · 03/04/2023 00:12

She got you to take her kids to school so she could stay home and feed her baby, but now she expects you to cart along her kid to and from school along with your NEWBORN all alone? She should be offering to help you, not asking you for help! Let alone trying to make you feel guilty for not wanting a whole extra kid every day until 5 pm while you are also caring for your own kids and a NEWBORN.

Do not worry about bad blood between you, because, with someone who has this much of a brass neck, no matter how many favors you do for her, there will eventually be some area where you fail to live up to her expectations of you doing free, infinite favors for her. More and more effort and giving would be required of you to avoid getting the "thought as a friend you would like to help out" treatment.

If she were really a good friend, she would have offered to help YOU out when your baby comes.

Good for you for standing up for yourself!

Blondewithredlips · 03/04/2023 00:16

JackiePlace · 02/04/2023 23:09

Would you consider saying yes and helping her out?
When I was a baby my next door neighbour used to take me every afernoon and push me up and down the street in my pram. She became a very good and life long friend.
Plus, who knows when you might need a favour in return...

This is comedy gold. Get a grip!

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