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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School run dilemma.

567 replies

whydid · 01/04/2023 19:53

I don't want to drip feed so will try to include everything.

My son has started reception this year at the local school around 5 minutes walk away.
I have a 2.5 year old and I'm pregnant due May 10th!

On the odd time I have took my neighbours son to school with me when she had an emergency or she was feeding her baby.

Yesterday morning she dropped into conversation that they cannot keep affording to send their 12 year old to school via taxi anymore and as he has anxiety he cannot go by bus so will be needing to drive her to school and can I permanently take her younger son to school and in the afternoons pick him up and bring him home with me till 5pm ish as she needs to collect baby from childminder and it's becoming too tight.
(She is stopping after school wrap around care as it is too expensive)

When I mentioned I will be saddled with a newborn next month her response was "well you would still be doing it anyway so what's an extra child" and I just was so shocked I didn't reply and my toddler started crying so I said my goodbyes.

How do I deal with this without making it extremely awkward for the rest of our lives. As these homes are both our "forever homes"

OP posts:
NumberTheory · 03/04/2023 18:00

She ignored me today outside.

She ignored you because your message was clear - you’re on to her and you aren’t going to do it any more. You know she’s a user and you called her out for it. And she is. She’s ignoring you because you aren’t going to be useful to her and she’s angry about that. She isn’t your friend and she never was. She saw you mainly as someone who could help her out. She offered what was easy for her, even though it wasn’t particularly useful for you with the expectation that it would make you feel obligated to do the things she wanted. And she feels miffed that you haven’t fallen into the role she’s assigned to you.

You said you felt stupid about sending such a long winded message and, sure, it could have been shorter. But the length wasn’t the important thing here. The important thing is that you were clear. And you were. You made it very clear and you will have less hassle and fewer problems because of it. You should be pleased with yourself for that message - it’s the start of freedom ;)

sabbii · 03/04/2023 18:08

OP when you mean 5 minutes away does that mean the lazy Tarquin of a 12YO is not able to walk a short distance. Most of kids in my area including my own walked 1.2 miles to school. Obviously if the route is not safe then that changes things slightly

Monster80 · 03/04/2023 18:33

Say you’re feeling very overwhelmed with the two (soon to be three) kids you have and that because of this - although you’d love to help - you absolutely can’t. Sending strength to you!

WeeOrcadian · 03/04/2023 18:33

You're a fucking legend OP. Your reply to her was perfect.

She ignored you because you aren't dancing to her tune and providing childcare. She'll just have to... You know... Deal with her own children.

Well done!!

IncompleteSenten · 03/04/2023 18:34

Well done. She was really trying to take the piss there.

AbsoluteYawns · 03/04/2023 18:35

Well done OP.
Now you ignore her. She is a CF of the highest order!

EekGoesTheBaby · 03/04/2023 18:56

OP, whenever you're feeling weak/guilty about this (though you shouldn't), reread this thread to give you strength.

She made a RIDICULOUS request. You politely declined. She pushed back. You politely declined again. She pushed back harder. I'm glad you set her straight and made it clear you would not be doing TEN HOURS OF FREE CHILDCARE weekly plus the school run for one of her children. On what planet does she think she has any right to be miffed? FFS!

Eatentoomanyroses · 03/04/2023 19:02

Is she scouse? Not that scousers are normally like this but her text sounds like she’s scouse. She sounds bloody cheeky. You did the right thing. You’d end up feeding the kid and all sorts

Zone2NorthLondon · 03/04/2023 19:04

Ignored you,yes. You’re no longer free childcare/doormat/pushover at least now you know

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 03/04/2023 19:05

OP your reply was awesome. No need for further clarification.

Its trademark CF to completely ignore the many favours you might have done in the past - however huge, and give you the big cold shoulder because you didn't say "how high" when they asked you to jump.

The rude way she asked or rather demanded it too... complete disregard for you. At least in a way, she was outrageous from the start and therefore easier to spot - unlike some CF's who wheedle their way in until you are almost committed without realising. This one seemed to be operating on the basis of "Well you've done me size 1 favour, you should have no trouble with and therefore cannot logically refuse size 2 favour."

I had a very similar issue and the CF's demands started small and incidental but got gradually bigger and bigger until they were overwhelming - she hasn't spoken to me for years since I said the first "No" to her, although she makes a point of over the top polite conversation with DH. It's quite a relief actually.

Shinyandnew1 · 03/04/2023 19:07

Then after school, her eldest is some how magically going to appear at my house around 4pm

The eldest that can’t take a bus as they were too anxious, so she was going to have to drive to school (meaning she can’t take the middle one)? Presumably she will also be collecting them from school as they will also be anxious after school? So why would she drive to your house after school to drop eldest child with you for more hours, rather than just coming to collect middle child? Bizarre!

But anyway, what a total CF!

MsAdoraBelleDearheartVonLipwig · 03/04/2023 19:09

I’m gobsmacked at the notion that one is a five minute walk away and one is a five minute drive and yet somehow she can’t manage to combine the two?

SecretSwirrel · 03/04/2023 19:14

No, you say no.

Also, what others have said re SEND transport

WhereYouLeftIt · 03/04/2023 19:18

"She ignored me today outside."

I'd consider that a win.

WineorAppleCrumble · 03/04/2023 19:23

MsAdoraBelleDearheartVonLipwig · 03/04/2023 19:09

I’m gobsmacked at the notion that one is a five minute walk away and one is a five minute drive and yet somehow she can’t manage to combine the two?

There are 3 to combine - OP said her neighbour also has a third child to collect from daycare/childminder.

That is her issue to sort out though. You did right to say no OP. I can't believe she didn't even offer to pay you.

Soapyspuds · 03/04/2023 19:25

hi, I'm just confused because it's not going out of your way, after school he will just be sitting in yours before either one of us gets home, as dh is self employed his jobs are important and he cannot afford to leave at school pick up and when the eldest arrives he will be entertaining them, you don't need to look after them and thought as a friend you would want to help out like I have told you plenty of times to send your son over but it's not my fault if you didn't take up the offer

Reply with

My childcare rate is £50 per hour + VAT

Or just ignore her.

Original poster
whydid · 03/04/2023 19:26

Eatentoomanyroses · 03/04/2023 19:02

Is she scouse? Not that scousers are normally like this but her text sounds like she’s scouse. She sounds bloody cheeky. You did the right thing. You’d end up feeding the kid and all sorts

Yes she is!

When I came home earlier she was loudly saying to her neighbour on the right passive aggressively "some people don't understand northern hospitality and stick to their own ways, some people shouldn't move to terraced properties if they don't want neighbours"

So god knows what's being said to her!

I have a hard time saying no but generally I'm fine if someone chooses to act this way. I can let it fly if they take this route!

OP posts:
iaapap · 03/04/2023 19:33

Cheeky fucker
proved beyond doubt by her stampy feet tantrum when people wouldn’t do her bidding

PuckyMup · 03/04/2023 19:45

whydid · 03/04/2023 19:26

Yes she is!

When I came home earlier she was loudly saying to her neighbour on the right passive aggressively "some people don't understand northern hospitality and stick to their own ways, some people shouldn't move to terraced properties if they don't want neighbours"

So god knows what's being said to her!

I have a hard time saying no but generally I'm fine if someone chooses to act this way. I can let it fly if they take this route!

Show quote history

I’d be tempted to have a quiet chat to school just explaining you’re not taking this child home since she has a brass neck & balls, I’d be worried she’d say to school “oh whydid is picking up X this month”

ferntwist · 03/04/2023 19:50

Good for you OP! Brilliant to see a poster standing up to a CF. She was so cheeky

Humanbiology · 03/04/2023 20:24

You did the right thing op she was a cheeky sod.

Crumpleton · 03/04/2023 20:28

When I came home earlier she was loudly saying to her neighbour on the right passive aggressively "some people don't understand northern hospitality and stick to their own ways, some people shouldn't move to terraced properties if they don't want neighbours"

That was your que to wave a say, ah has (neighbours name) offered to do the daily free wrap around childcare for you, how nice of her.

3luckystars · 03/04/2023 20:42

My dad says ‘some people won’t like you, but they are the wrong type of people’

Well done. great result.

SupplyIsLimited · 03/04/2023 20:44

I doubt many who hear her tale of woe will have much sympathy, especially since she apparently makes a habit of using her 'friends' as unpaid workers.

These things are awkward, but maybe she'll now have received the message that you're not easy to take advantage of and find someone else to pester!

Eatentoomanyroses · 03/04/2023 20:48

whydid · 03/04/2023 19:26

Yes she is!

When I came home earlier she was loudly saying to her neighbour on the right passive aggressively "some people don't understand northern hospitality and stick to their own ways, some people shouldn't move to terraced properties if they don't want neighbours"

So god knows what's being said to her!

I have a hard time saying no but generally I'm fine if someone chooses to act this way. I can let it fly if they take this route!

Show quote history

I thought so. Are you in Liverpool? What’s the area like? Mind how you go. She sounds a bit unhinged and unhinged is dangerous in a neighbour. I lived in Liverpool as a child and my mum had a cf situation with one of our neighbours. We ended up having to move for our own safety.