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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School run dilemma.

567 replies

whydid · 01/04/2023 19:53

I don't want to drip feed so will try to include everything.

My son has started reception this year at the local school around 5 minutes walk away.
I have a 2.5 year old and I'm pregnant due May 10th!

On the odd time I have took my neighbours son to school with me when she had an emergency or she was feeding her baby.

Yesterday morning she dropped into conversation that they cannot keep affording to send their 12 year old to school via taxi anymore and as he has anxiety he cannot go by bus so will be needing to drive her to school and can I permanently take her younger son to school and in the afternoons pick him up and bring him home with me till 5pm ish as she needs to collect baby from childminder and it's becoming too tight.
(She is stopping after school wrap around care as it is too expensive)

When I mentioned I will be saddled with a newborn next month her response was "well you would still be doing it anyway so what's an extra child" and I just was so shocked I didn't reply and my toddler started crying so I said my goodbyes.

How do I deal with this without making it extremely awkward for the rest of our lives. As these homes are both our "forever homes"

OP posts:
Ursualesther · 03/04/2023 11:52

Shz · 03/04/2023 11:30

No is a complete answer

Also “I am really sorry but with adding a newborn to the mix that is just too much for me to cope with”

i do also think there is some legal stuff around this situation as it somehow counts as childcare - if you google childcare between friends I think that if you are looking after him in your own hone you need to be registered with OFSTED etc if you want a get out clause that feels less personal

You love that “No is a complete answer”

juts seen you write exactly that on another thread

it screams “I am a mumsnetter” to me and if I ever heard anyone say it in RL, I think I’d dissolve in to giggles

mushroom3 · 03/04/2023 11:54

She just needs to drop her 12 year old off earlier (taking her 5 year old ion the car) and then drop off her 5 year old, doing this in reverse after school

VickyEadieofThigh · 03/04/2023 11:59

I haven't read the full thread so apologies if anyone else has made this point.

In addition to wanting you to be her 12 year old's full-time chauffeur, the child wants ayyou to offer free after-school care to suffers from anxiety - which makes her request even more unreasonable.

Shz · 03/04/2023 12:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BlackFriday · 03/04/2023 12:03

No, not chauffeuring the 12 year old, taking the reception-aged child to and from school. However, the 12 year old would come round once home "to entertain" the younger ones!

BlackFriday · 03/04/2023 12:06

Actually, I'm not even sure if 'No' is a complete sentence.
It doesn't have a subject or a verb.

OnedayIwillfeelfree · 03/04/2023 12:11

And what are you meant to do when you have given birth? When your parents or whoever collect your kids; are you meant to babysit her kid then? Some people are so entitled!

Ugzbugz · 03/04/2023 12:14

That is so rude. What would she do if you decide to work dull time In 6 months and use childcare? Or you want to go out after school or clubs etc. You might even decide to go on holiday in school time.
She sounds so rude.

Betaalpha · 03/04/2023 12:15

your last reply is great op. Stood up for yourself, be proud!

fruitbrewhaha · 03/04/2023 12:19

What a total cow she is.

If she hassles you again, you can say, as it’s no bother she’ll find it easy to find someone else to do it.

bjrce · 03/04/2023 12:25

familyissues12345 · 03/04/2023 08:38

Yes I've just picked up on that too! However I'm confused, I thought the neighbour was asking for help as she'd be collecting the eldest, meaning she'd struggle to get her youngest. So why would the 12 year old end up at OP's house too?!

Show quote history

The other question is:

Who is picking up the 12YO from school - if he is going to land into the OPs house in the evening "To entertain the other two".

Did the CF also expect the OP to pick up the 12YO after school.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 03/04/2023 12:30

I’m like you I also over explain and over worry too so know where you’re coming from.

With her messages since yours I’d now be civil but verging on the rude side as she obviously feels the more she can push the more she will get off you.

I’d also avoid play dates with both your 5 year olds so she can’t blag childcare on it being reciprocal etc.

Jaaxe · 03/04/2023 12:30

What a CF!!! I had a similar issue recently and felt I couldn’t get out of it easily…I’ve just had a newborn and we don’t have childcare help so I do all the drop offs and pick ups of my kids so I must have been seen as an easy target….one mum asked me as an emergency to pick her daughter up from school and have her for an hour….I was more than happy to help out in an emergency….only then she started asking weekly and sometimes twice weekly…in the end I just became unreliable and started saying “sorry can’t today, X is unwell” (she was and wasn’t in school) then “sorry can’t today, we’re going to X after school”…..she’s stopped asking now and probably had to sort more reliable childcare out……I should of stood my ground from the start but didn’t want to burn any bridges either…..having an extra child especially with enough kids of your own and a newborn is definitely going out of your way…do not feel bad for this x

Redebs · 03/04/2023 12:31

That was a perfect reply OP. Job done.

I can't help feeling sorry for her 12 year old. If she thinks she can just park a child with someone who doesn'twant them, then it's no wonder they are anxious.

PoshHorseyBird · 03/04/2023 12:35

There is literally no point trying to deal rationally with CFs as far as they're concerned they've done nothing wrong and can't see the problem at all in their 'request '. Not the same but I used to work with a CF who decided that as we worked the same hours and on my way to work I went past her house I could give her lifts...but she didn't want to give any petrol money as 'well you're going that way anyway so it's no difference for you'. Needless to say that didn't happen! You shouldn't feel the need to explain why you don't want to pick up and look after your friends child either. 'No' is a complete sentence! I think in Friends Phoebe's response to something you don't want to do is perfect..."oh I'd love to but I don't want to ". Good enough answer I say!

Teatime55 · 03/04/2023 12:59

You can’t deal with someone like this. They literally think they are doing you a favour. Your kids are being entertained by hers, aren’t you lucky.
Theres a lot of them about. Usually it’s the play date bunch who want you to have their kids all the time and never ever want to reciprocate as they think their time/needs are much more important than yours.
I lost a friend who would never ever have DD round, but started making suggestions that I would love to take her kids (both difficult) for entire weekends as her and her DH needed to have a lovely break. Apparently I don’t ever need one.

Ursualesther · 03/04/2023 13:09

Good grief @shz!

😂

Ktime · 03/04/2023 13:11

Ursualesther · 03/04/2023 11:52

You love that “No is a complete answer”

juts seen you write exactly that on another thread

it screams “I am a mumsnetter” to me and if I ever heard anyone say it in RL, I think I’d dissolve in to giggles

Show quote history

Why are you goading her? She gave OP good advice.

dottiedodah · 03/04/2023 13:14

Teatime55 I cant believe what a CF she is! Expecting a child free WE at your expense! She was no loss OP!

Original poster
whydid · 03/04/2023 13:32

Shinyandnew1 · 03/04/2023 10:25

So, she is suggesting that you take her middle child to school everyday and then pick them up and take them back to your house for hours after school every day. She will then drive her 12 year old to school, pick them up after school and drop them at yours whilst she goes home again…to do what?

What is stopping her looking after her own kids? Other than being a lazy CF?!

She needs to drop her soon to be toddler off at daycare and drop the eldest off at high school. Leaving me to take the middle child. Then after school, her eldest is some how magically going to appear at my house around 4pm and I'll have eldest and middle until they come home.

I have mentioned I have activities for my 5 year old and she knows I have to take them some days at 4pm but they simply didn't care.

She ignored me today outside.

OP posts:
aloris · 03/04/2023 13:39

Well that shows you that she was never your friend. As soon as you stopped being useful she lost interest in you. Now she's punishing you for disobeying her by not giving in to her unreasonable expectations.

Figgygal · 03/04/2023 13:42

Shes a total pisstaker op
You've done the right thing saying no

MoonSea · 03/04/2023 13:45

You have done the right thing. If she needs a childminder she should pay for one.

illtakeit · 03/04/2023 13:46

aloris · 03/04/2023 13:39

Well that shows you that she was never your friend. As soon as you stopped being useful she lost interest in you. Now she's punishing you for disobeying her by not giving in to her unreasonable expectations.

Exactly this. She was never your friend.

billy1966 · 03/04/2023 13:51

Her ignoring you is absolutely consistent with a CF's response to you not doing their bidding.

Consider it a win.

Oh and don't hesitate to tell others exactly what she was demanding