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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School run dilemma.

567 replies

whydid · 01/04/2023 19:53

I don't want to drip feed so will try to include everything.

My son has started reception this year at the local school around 5 minutes walk away.
I have a 2.5 year old and I'm pregnant due May 10th!

On the odd time I have took my neighbours son to school with me when she had an emergency or she was feeding her baby.

Yesterday morning she dropped into conversation that they cannot keep affording to send their 12 year old to school via taxi anymore and as he has anxiety he cannot go by bus so will be needing to drive her to school and can I permanently take her younger son to school and in the afternoons pick him up and bring him home with me till 5pm ish as she needs to collect baby from childminder and it's becoming too tight.
(She is stopping after school wrap around care as it is too expensive)

When I mentioned I will be saddled with a newborn next month her response was "well you would still be doing it anyway so what's an extra child" and I just was so shocked I didn't reply and my toddler started crying so I said my goodbyes.

How do I deal with this without making it extremely awkward for the rest of our lives. As these homes are both our "forever homes"

OP posts:
Minfilia · 03/04/2023 10:21

The only thing missing from your latest reply was pointing out that she doesn’t expect her own husband to watch the children, so why on earth would you want to?!

barking!

Minfilia · 03/04/2023 10:21

Also, the schools are five minutes apart? Drop the 12 year old off five minutes early and then take the youngest. It’s not rocket science!

BlueBunting · 03/04/2023 10:23

Huge well done for saying no and calling her out. She is a proper CFer

cstx89 · 03/04/2023 10:24

Good for you. Hopefully that will be the end of it. I am like u - overshare things x

Shinyandnew1 · 03/04/2023 10:25

So, she is suggesting that you take her middle child to school everyday and then pick them up and take them back to your house for hours after school every day. She will then drive her 12 year old to school, pick them up after school and drop them at yours whilst she goes home again…to do what?

What is stopping her looking after her own kids? Other than being a lazy CF?!

whatchaos · 03/04/2023 10:28

HomeTheatreSystem · 03/04/2023 09:27

The advantages of a brief reply are that there is nothing for her to come back on; as it is, your forthright but overly involved reply has provided her with plenty of material to challenge you on which risks souring even surface relations between the two of you. An initial "That doesn't work for me" or "I've already said no, how I manage my time in my own home is really none of your business." She is going to react childishly either way but holding a mirror up to her entitled arseholery isn't going to help matters.

Leave it out - the OP has replied the way she has so it's done now, and she's about to have a baby so no need to pile on.

AmandaHoldensLips · 03/04/2023 10:40

"You do realise that your school run and childcare arrangements are not my responsibility, right?"

Thegoodbadandugly · 03/04/2023 10:48

You could say your child has started some sort of club so that and with the baby it will be impractical.

BlackFriday · 03/04/2023 10:55

She doesn't need to lie and invent a club.
It is (or should be) enough that she just doesn't want to commit to this idea and is therefore declining.

billy1966 · 03/04/2023 11:00

AmandaHoldensLips · 03/04/2023 10:40

"You do realise that your school run and childcare arrangements are not my responsibility, right?"

Perfect response and then silence.

Lying or making up excuses are the worst suggestions.

Ignore any futher messages.

She will move on to some other mug to use.....they always do.

HowcanIgetoutofthisalive · 03/04/2023 11:02

Well done on your response OP. Doesn't matter if you feel it was long-winded, there was stuff there that you needed to say!

the audacity is breath taking!!

Nailsandthesea · 03/04/2023 11:07

Howyiz · 01/04/2023 19:57

Just text her.
About your request today, I absolutely am not available to take that on. Just wanted to let you know so you can rule me out of your plans.

This don’t apologise.

send this text exactly as it is.

raincamepouringdown · 03/04/2023 11:10

A 12 year old can be dropped off early at school. OP can then take the 5 year old to school.

WildAloofRebel · 03/04/2023 11:12

Just adding to the ‘wow she’s a CF’ 😄

If she pushed back again, I’d just say ‘we have lots of stuff after school - clubs, play dates - so there’s no way this will work.’ Also in the mornings you might end up driving sometimes if you’re going on somewhere - baby groups, errands etc. I do even though we’re only 5 mins away. So selfish of neighbour to imagine you do nothing but the school run!!

Ursualesther · 03/04/2023 11:12

MsRosley · 03/04/2023 09:33

It's absolutely astonishing that so many people like this woman exist. How on earth do they get this way?

So many on mumsnet

bur can’t say I have come across many or indeed… any! Remotely like this in RL

WildAloofRebel · 03/04/2023 11:13

raincamepouringdown · 03/04/2023 11:10

A 12 year old can be dropped off early at school. OP can then take the 5 year old to school.

Hope you mean OP’s neighbour!!

Ursualesther · 03/04/2023 11:17

CremeEggQueen · 03/04/2023 10:03

She's well cheeky.
It was worth an ask as they say, but your answer was no which is fair enough, and she should leave it be, like no worries, thought I'd just ask type thing.
Not keep pushing! Hate it when people are like that.
Expecting it as a regular occurrence every single day is far too much, you're not a childminder.

Show quote history

@CremeEggQueen

do you really think it was ok to even ask?

BurntOutGirl · 03/04/2023 11:18

Good grief... so she wants to make your life harder and more stressful.... so her's is easier and calmer....

Errrr no!

Shz · 03/04/2023 11:30

No is a complete answer

Also “I am really sorry but with adding a newborn to the mix that is just too much for me to cope with”

i do also think there is some legal stuff around this situation as it somehow counts as childcare - if you google childcare between friends I think that if you are looking after him in your own hone you need to be registered with OFSTED etc if you want a get out clause that feels less personal

LookItsMeAgain · 03/04/2023 11:35

I think your response (while a little on the long side) was perfectly acceptable. Both of them.

If she keeps trying her luck with you (which after the second message would seem unlikely but you never know, you can send a short message "I am not looking for nor want to become a childminder. Please direct your search elsewhere as I will not be looking after yours or anyone else's children. Please do not contact me again about this matter."

GMOOH2023 · 03/04/2023 11:38

Thegoodbadandugly · 03/04/2023 10:48

You could say your child has started some sort of club so that and with the baby it will be impractical.

Quite apart from the fact that OP has already said no to the arrangement, WHY would she need to make up a lie?

How far would you take this lie?

Go out regularly with the kids as if you were going to said imaginary club?

Buy special kit to make the imaginary club more realistic?

What if the CF decides to sign her child up for the same club (and get even more free childcare - "you're going anyway, might as well take my child too")?

smizing · 03/04/2023 11:39

Ursualesther · 03/04/2023 11:12

So many on mumsnet

bur can’t say I have come across many or indeed… any! Remotely like this in RL

Show quote history

bur can’t say I have come across many or indeed… any! Remotely like this in RL

Me either and thank god!

Whichnumbers · 03/04/2023 11:43

You send her a text message

further to our conversation yesterday I want to make it very clear that I will not be collecting your dc from school Monday to Friday for each term time. Should you have an emergency that you meed me to help I am willing to assist on those occasions only. You will need to find another solution that is agreeable to both parties

Cherrysoup · 03/04/2023 11:43

The neighbour is incredibly cheeky to push it when you said no. You’ll have a new born, what is wrong with her?!

Isheabastard · 03/04/2023 11:44

Perhaps try a bluff.

Go back and say that thinking about when the new baby comes, why don’t you share the cost of the taxi and the two children go together in the mornings.

Or offer to take turns in taking the kids to school in the mornings.

Ignore any reference to the afternoons.