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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding Seating

104 replies

AliceAliceHatter · 01/04/2023 15:38

I've name changed because it's pretty outing.

I'm attending a wedding this year and have just been told that my DS is being seated at the 'kids table' during the wedding breakfast.

The issue is my DS will be 11 months at the wedding and I think this is too young to be apart from me when eating. I told the bride that I wouldn't be comfortable with this and she responded that I'm being too wary and he'll be fine.

Would you be happy with your 11m child being at a different table to you? Currently, he's able to eat some finger foods (picking them up) but he can't use utensils - he's 9 months old but I still can't imagine him being able to eat independently in 2 months without any adult present.

Additionally, I'm worried about a choking risk.. I'd never let him eat by himself (or with a group of children) without an adult present as he does still gag when eating and he's so young?!

Further info, they haven't done the seating plan yet with regards to location of tables so I don't know where he'll be in comparison to me.

I'm about to say that I won't attend but genuinely want opinions on if I'm being unreasonable.

OP posts:
35965a · 01/04/2023 19:13

She’s as thick as pig shit. Definitely decline.

Original poster
AliceAliceHatter · 01/04/2023 19:24

I've declined the invite.. do feel slightly bad as it's two months before but I explained that there's no way I could leave him as he isn't a 'child' but more a baby. She hasn't responded yet.

To answer a few questions:

  • No there aren't any adults/ children entertainers on the table, I asked.
  • I don't know any of the parents of the other children so can't ask for their opinions.

I do have a friend who's going (no kids) so will be able to report back in May how the 'kids table' with several toddlers went!

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 01/04/2023 19:29

I can see the toddlers running back to their parent's tables. It will be mayhem with lots of noise.

Keeween · 01/04/2023 19:31

My son is a proper little gannet, loves his food and always has done but there’s no way on this earth he’d have sat at his own table eating his dinner without me at 11 months. He’d be straight over and on my lap (or DHs lap!).
what a spectacularly stupid idea!

RosaBonheur · 01/04/2023 19:32

I was about to say YABU and then realised I'd misread your OP and thought your DS was 11 years old, not 11 months old.

WTAF! Has the bride ever met an 11 month old?

Equalitea · 01/04/2023 19:38

So she wants you to leave your 11 month old at a table with toddlers and unsupervised? That is insane.
Or will there be an adult on the children’s table, supervising them? Even then I wouldn’t be keen but I could kind of understand the logic, sometimes I’ve known people to hire a childminder for weddings and have a little ‘crèche’ type thing.

LoveBluey · 01/04/2023 19:44

Nope not at all unreasonable. I have a 2yr old and wouldn't be happy with them being apart from me. I also have a 6 year old and even at 6 I'd only be happy with them being on a different table with very specific conditions eg sat with other children they know like cousins, and within my sight - ideally table next to me. But even so I'd prefer they were with me so I could monitor behaviour.

bumbledeedum · 01/04/2023 19:47

Please come back in May to update us how badly this turned out OP 😂

MaryShelley1818 · 01/04/2023 19:47

That's absolutely bonkers!! My DD age 2 would scream the place down being sat away from us, and even DS5 I think would be a little upset.

No way would I leave an 11mth old baby to sit alone, so dangerous.

BuffaloCauliflower · 01/04/2023 19:48

Please please report back

YouFilthyAnimal · 01/04/2023 19:56

This is utterly bonkers!

I wonder if the other parents of toddlers know they won’t be sitting with them for the meal part of the day 🤔

BogRollBOGOF · 01/04/2023 20:00

We had a children's table which was 5+. My logic was that at 5, children are used to eating at school without hawk-like supervision. There was an awkward table which inevitably would have been the one that people wouldn't have appreciated being located at, and it made sense to fill it with school age nephews and nieces. Both sides of the family were sensible and older ones used to looking out for younger cousins.

11m... she's hopelessly naive.

GDPRBreach · 01/04/2023 20:00

MuffinToSeeHere · 01/04/2023 15:57

Well of course you don't but maybe if she doesn't have children or experience of children she could be more forgiven for thinking a kids table is a thing.

Obviously of she's suggested this and is also a parent she's just plain bonkers and to be honest a large part of me would be thinking maybe I should still attend just so I had a front row seat from which to watch as the chaos of an unaccompanied table full of kids unfolded....

Show quote history

Yes , definitely go ( and sit your baby with you) don't wear anything expensive and enjoy the food fight!

junebirthdaygirl · 01/04/2023 20:25

Can you leave your baby at home with your dm or another responsible adult. Obviously he can't sit at a children's table but he doesn't have to go to the wedding. I never understand people taking children that young to a wedding.

Original poster
AliceAliceHatter · 01/04/2023 21:14

junebirthdaygirl · 01/04/2023 20:25

Can you leave your baby at home with your dm or another responsible adult. Obviously he can't sit at a children's table but he doesn't have to go to the wedding. I never understand people taking children that young to a wedding.

Admittedly, I could do this as my mum or MIL would happily look after DS for the day.

However, I'm not feeling super thrilled to make the effort for her wedding after the fiasco of her being so stuck on having DS at the kids table after voicing that I was really uncomfortable with it. Especially as he was invited, it wasn't as if I pushed for him to come.

I think it'll depend on her response to my message if I go without DS but I don't think she'll suggest it.

To those who've said.. I will ask her (my friend, not the bride) how it went but I'm sure there are some older children on the table, so maybe it'll go well?

OP posts:
VelvetUndergrounds · 21/06/2023 12:08

@AliceAliceHatter Hi OP, I just stumbled across this post whilst looking for something else - am intrigued as to how it all panned out! Did you go or hear how it went. I'm purely being nosey, mind Grin

MardyMcBlowdry · 21/06/2023 12:15

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Catspyjamas17 · 21/06/2023 12:22

Ha, I'd want to go just to see what happens with a load of three years olds eating a four course meal at the children's table. How did it go, OP?

iwillnotstaycalm · 21/06/2023 12:37

I don't have children but I wouldn't be comfortable leaving an 11 month old child by themselves. You are being reasonable to request that he sits with you.

Plump82 · 21/06/2023 12:39

MuffinToSeeHere · 01/04/2023 15:42

Does the bride have children. What a spectacularly stupid idea!

I don't have children and I'm fully aware that it's a stupid idea.

MCOut · 21/06/2023 12:45

To be honest, I don’t think her not having children is as relevant as her lack of common sense. A baby at the kids table?

PatchworkElmer · 21/06/2023 12:46

You’ve done the right thing declining! We’ve got a wedding this month and the invite said there would be a kids table and to indicate if our children would like to be on it, or with us. DC (5) straight away said that they wanted to be with us. If they were a baby I wouldn’t even have considered it.

Sceptre86 · 21/06/2023 12:47

You don't seem that fussed about missing the wedding so you've made the right decision. If it was a close friend I would have asked my mil to have my youngest but tbh I would have been more likely to point out the sheer mess that would be created at that table, the fact that 3 year olds unsupervised are unlikely to sit in their seats long and the fact it would cause more hassle for parents having to leave their meal and go back and forth. At 11 months your child is bery much a baby and i wpuld not let my own nearly 2 year old sit away from me to eat. Dhed scream the place down for a start.

The bride is an idiot.

Hazelnuttella · 21/06/2023 12:47

@AliceAliceHatter come back and tell us how it went!

Original poster
AliceAliceHatter · 21/06/2023 12:59

So I didn't go to the wedding (like I said) and I haven't spoken to the bride much since, I think she's either annoyed that I declined so close to the wedding or she still thinks I was unreasonable or maybe both.

My friend went and I asked her to note how the kids table went and apparently there were no kids under the age of 7 on the table and there were no younger children present. I knew there was definitely a 3 and a 4 year old meant to be on the kids table so I assume their parents either didn't bring them to the wedding or declined the event like I did. Alas, I was almost hoping for there to be a huge food fight!

My DS is 1 now and there's no way he could have sat/ fed himself so I don't regret my decision.

OP posts:
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