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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding Seating

104 replies

AliceAliceHatter · 01/04/2023 15:38

I've name changed because it's pretty outing.

I'm attending a wedding this year and have just been told that my DS is being seated at the 'kids table' during the wedding breakfast.

The issue is my DS will be 11 months at the wedding and I think this is too young to be apart from me when eating. I told the bride that I wouldn't be comfortable with this and she responded that I'm being too wary and he'll be fine.

Would you be happy with your 11m child being at a different table to you? Currently, he's able to eat some finger foods (picking them up) but he can't use utensils - he's 9 months old but I still can't imagine him being able to eat independently in 2 months without any adult present.

Additionally, I'm worried about a choking risk.. I'd never let him eat by himself (or with a group of children) without an adult present as he does still gag when eating and he's so young?!

Further info, they haven't done the seating plan yet with regards to location of tables so I don't know where he'll be in comparison to me.

I'm about to say that I won't attend but genuinely want opinions on if I'm being unreasonable.

OP posts:
PuppyMonkey · 01/04/2023 17:04

Bloody hell, even without your 11 month old, a table of toddlers sitting on their own - what could possibly go wrong? Grin

I’d want to go along just to witness the carnage TBH.

JadeSeahorse · 01/04/2023 17:04

At best this is sheer madness, at worst it's a huge health and safety issue.

I would definitely be declining! The bridezilla is nuts if she thinks this "Child table" will work successfully with 3 year olds.🙄

Totally bonkers!

IoooAINToooSAYINGoooSHEoooA · 01/04/2023 17:06

Can't stand bridezillas who call the shots like this. I'd either leave the baby with a babysitter and go child free (maybe that's what she's after), or don't go at all. Personally, I initially would have got the baby minded so I could go and enjoy the day night childfree, but I wouldn't make this decision because of a bridezilla I'd fully decline the invite.

gogohmm · 01/04/2023 17:07

Maybe she isn't really aware of how dependent an 11 month is. Say that she doesn't need to worry about providing any food (cheaper for them!) just a high chair next to you, or you can bring your own

2chocolateoranges · 01/04/2023 17:10

We have been to one wedding where the children sat at a family table and for me it was a nightmare. Dh was in the wedding party so sat at the top table and I didn’t enjoy my meal as was too busy going between my table and the kids table to get the children to sit down, to cut up food, to stop a nearly 3 year old from crying because they wanted to sit beside me.

Dh got to enjoy his meal whereas I didn’t due to the separate tables. I would accept the wedding invite then move the high chair to your table for the meal, what is she going to say on the actual day. An 11 month old is still a baby and far too young to sit at a separate table.

Tryingtoconceivenumber2 · 01/04/2023 17:13

Absolutely ridiculous suggestion. My DC is nearly 3 and I think this would be pushing it even for her age. She would also not be happy not being sat by us. To be honest would say they would need to be at least 5 ish x

Staggersaurus · 01/04/2023 17:14

Have you asked what they will be eating and how they will be being served? Will they have to help themselves to the buffet or will it be silver service at the table. Will she be providing a food blower and tester to cool the food and will it arrive pre chopped and mushed? How many sets of cutlery and cups will be provided as all of them will end up on the floor?

Surely you will not be the only parent pointing out that she is bonkers and it will be carnage 🤣

MaireadMcSweeney · 01/04/2023 17:14

The bride is insane!!!! Even 3 is way too young for a kids table. Minimum age to avoid messing about would be at least 6! But a baby? She's crazy.

Staggersaurus · 01/04/2023 17:16

@Tryingtoconceivenumber2 I can almost guarantee that when yours gets to age 5 you will revise that number upwards 😂

Velvetween · 01/04/2023 17:20

Dont say anything else and just go to the wedding. On the actual day you will be able to just drag his chair over. The bride will be busy and if it looks like this will cause chaos at your table, then you go to him.
a very very high percentage of the adults attending the wedding will get this!!

BadNomad · 01/04/2023 17:23

Are you sure she hasn't hired or allocated supervision for the table? Because she's stupid if she thinks a gaggle of toddlers and babies will sit still at a table on their own.

Favouritefruits · 01/04/2023 17:27

11 month old eating alone at a wedding?! She clearly hasn’t been around children, imagine the staff serving that table and cleaning up after them what a nightmare. I’d just move his high chair next to my seat or decline the invite, or does she expect him to eat sat on a chair too.

Paesano · 01/04/2023 17:28

Agree that not going at all is better than her seating plan madness. Shame though, I'd have enjoyed reading the update on the chaos that is bound to ensue.

nurseynursery · 01/04/2023 17:32

My 5 year old would love this if she could see me. Any younger and it's a bad idea!

pigsDOfly · 01/04/2023 17:36

Can just imagine the serving staff putting plates of food in front of a bunch of toddlers and the whole lot ending up on the floor.

So does the bride imagine that these young children will sit there wielding knives and forks like mini adults? Whilst, no doubt, supervising your 11 month old to make sure he doesn't choke or sling his plate full of food on the floor.

She's an idiot.

MajorCarolDanvers · 01/04/2023 17:46

I'd be tempted to go to witness the carnage. 😂

Oopswediditagain2023 · 01/04/2023 17:47

This is bizarre! But will the table be "manned" by someone doing childcare? We had a children's table at a party I went to recently but two of the older cousins in their late teens were sat with them looking after them and they're responsible enough to look after small babies and toddlers.

FlamingoQueen · 01/04/2023 17:54

Oh my god! I thought you were going to say your child was 5!! That is absolutely crazy and beyond normal. I would just decline going.

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 01/04/2023 17:57

Defo a 5-10 years as a kids table age range. An 11 month old is still a baby. What are they going to do? Pop him in a highchair.
I wouldn't decline. I would just state its entirely inappropriate for a baby.

catmum654 · 01/04/2023 18:00

I really wouldn't worry about. I assume your LO will be in a high chair ? On the day just move him back to you. The bride will be too busy to notice / care !

CleaningOutMyCloset · 01/04/2023 18:06

I think kids tables are a great idea, but I'd say from 6 upwards. Leaving an 11 yr old to fend for themselves is ridiculous, he'll be in a high chair and can't be expected to feed himself. YANBU and if the bride didn't change it, I'd not attend

CleaningOutMyCloset · 01/04/2023 18:07

Not 11yr, I meant 11 month Blush

HubertTheGoat · 01/04/2023 18:14

I have a well behaved 4.5 year old and no way would he be confident enough to sit away from his parents in a place he'd never been before. The idea of leaving 3 year olds to fend for themselves is ridiculous - they'll be up and down, making a mess, spilling things, needing food cut up etc. Someone should really point this out to the bride and groom because it sounds like they've never spend much time with small children if they think it's workable.

Morred · 01/04/2023 18:26

Tell her you don’t think it would be fair on whoever she’s hired to look after all the other children if they have to spend the time monitoring baby in a highchair and see what she says. Or ask if the childcare she’s organised for the meal is happy with the ratios because you can have baby in a high chair at your table if it keeps costs down 😉

JustRingJoeDuffy · 01/04/2023 19:07

You can't seat a baby elsewhere by itself at a wedding - I can't see any hotel allowing this. Just request a highchair at your table.
Do you know any of the parents of under 5s who are going - what do they think?

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