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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding Seating

104 replies

AliceAliceHatter · 01/04/2023 15:38

I've name changed because it's pretty outing.

I'm attending a wedding this year and have just been told that my DS is being seated at the 'kids table' during the wedding breakfast.

The issue is my DS will be 11 months at the wedding and I think this is too young to be apart from me when eating. I told the bride that I wouldn't be comfortable with this and she responded that I'm being too wary and he'll be fine.

Would you be happy with your 11m child being at a different table to you? Currently, he's able to eat some finger foods (picking them up) but he can't use utensils - he's 9 months old but I still can't imagine him being able to eat independently in 2 months without any adult present.

Additionally, I'm worried about a choking risk.. I'd never let him eat by himself (or with a group of children) without an adult present as he does still gag when eating and he's so young?!

Further info, they haven't done the seating plan yet with regards to location of tables so I don't know where he'll be in comparison to me.

I'm about to say that I won't attend but genuinely want opinions on if I'm being unreasonable.

OP posts:
IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 01/04/2023 16:18

The bride is just naive or inexperienced with babies. I like the idea of inviting the bride and groom for a meal, and shoring the reality of eating with babies!

In reality, I'd go to the wedding and sit the baby on my lap, or ask the venue for a high chair at the meal time, surely anywhere that can host a wedding reception will have a high hair. Or take a highchair if you're driving? Or a pushchair?

We went to a wedding with ds when he was 6 months old. We barely saw him as he was passed round rellies, then fell asleep in his buggy with the excitement of it all.

Jules912 · 01/04/2023 16:18

AliceAliceHatter · 01/04/2023 16:13

To clarify, they don't have children. But to be fair to them, the other children at the 'kids table' are a bit older (3+) so may be okay without any adults for the duration.

I thought as much regarding IABU. I've already made my opinion clear and don't think she's going to budge so I'm going to decline. I can't have him at another table and don't want to make a thing on the day of having him on my knee/ bringing his meal from the other table when she's made such a thing of adults 'enjoying the meal' without kids.

Thanks for the advice.

My sister did this, but she'd hired childminders and the kids all went in another room with them , toys and kids food. We'll all except the one who was still a baby who stayed with her parents. I was sceptical but my then 2.5 year old loved it, no way she would've sat at a different table with none of those things though.

Maedan · 01/04/2023 16:19

An 11 month old is a baby not a child so should be with mum. Tbh I don't think the staff at the venue would let you leave an unattended baby at a table, the choking risk is horrendous.

WaltzingWaters · 01/04/2023 16:22

I’m assuming. The bride doesn’t have children nor has ever really been around babies?
Absolutely do not sit away from an 11 month old whilst eating. My DS is 12 months and I’m still always around in case of choking, but besides that he makes a huge mess and would have his whole plate on the floor within a minute if he had no supervision!
the bride is bonkers or absolutely clueless on babies.

Hiddenvoice · 01/04/2023 16:23

I have an 11month old and there is no way she could sit at a table without me. She can feed herself some foods but she would throw them and scream loudly. She also wouldn’t like to see me the other side of the room and not be close. I think the bride has misjudged what an 11 month old will be like.

i know you’ve contacted her and she wants adults to enjoy the meal but no parent will sit back happily whilst their children are at another table as they will be worried about what they will get up too. Will there be any adults at this children’s table?

I know you’ve contacted the bride already. I would either contact her again and say that your baby cannot sit alone so you’ll need to decline the invite.

GooglyEyeballs · 01/04/2023 16:25

I don't think her seating plan is going to work out the way she imagines 😂

BuffaloCauliflower · 01/04/2023 16:26

Not a chance. Kids need to sit with their parents, I’d say minimum 7 for a kids table and even then would depend on the temperament of the child and how well all the children know each other too (all cousins, fine, non related who just met that day, nope)
It’s a terrible idea and I’d be direct with the bride. Kids and parents will be up and down and it’ll be distracting, especially during a long wedding meal. Her best bet for well behaved kids is to sit them with their parents.

Merryoldgoat · 01/04/2023 16:26

I honestly think there’s no help for some people. That is just plain stupid.

Sunshinejeans · 01/04/2023 16:29

Noooo she can’t be serious!? My little boy is nearly 2 and couldn’t sit on a table with just other kids and no adults.. I mean it would be delightful to enjoy a meal without having to watch him / entertain him / be robbed of my own food instead of eat his own but just noooo.. 11 months is just way too young and as if you’d be able to just sit at another table worry free. She is ridiculous and I can’t wait for her to have children and realise.. because we all do it (although even I would’ve known how ridiculous this was pre kids!)

coffeemoon · 01/04/2023 16:29

Sometimes a couple hire childcare for weddings, are you sure they're not doing that and planning to have an adult or two sat at the table entertaining/ helping them?

Either way, it's very unreasonable to deny your request to have your child sit with you (whatever age the child is). I wouldn't go if they insisted on it.

TolkiensFallow · 01/04/2023 16:32

She’s being ridiculous. Young children need to be supervised. All preschoolers should really be sitting with their parents.

WonderingWanda · 01/04/2023 16:42

She clearly has no idea. Just go along, sit your baby on your lap and watch the chaos of a table full of 3 year old unfold and then when they have to inevitably rearrange the seating plan just drag a high chair over to you.

Hellno45 · 01/04/2023 16:43

What a prat

Lemonyfuckit · 01/04/2023 16:46

Standbyguest · 01/04/2023 16:15

Tbh I think even 3/4 year olds won't sit on their own and eat without making a fuss. 6+ maybe.

This. Doesn't sound like any of the children are old enough to be sat away from their parents, this is bonkers.

Ducksinthebath · 01/04/2023 16:49

No kids here, can’t stand them so spend as little time as possible with them and even I know children that age can’t be left to eat alone. I don’t think the problem on the bride’s part is a lack of experience with children: it’s terminal stupidity.

Yesthatismychildsigh · 01/04/2023 16:51

The bride sounds incredibly stupid. I wouldn’t be leaving an 11 month old at a kids table.

Caterina99 · 01/04/2023 16:51

I’d just reply “sounds great to eat a meal in peace. Have you hired a nanny to look after the kids then?”

Beelzebop · 01/04/2023 16:52

Go for it! Let her endure the pudding throwing, screaming chaos that will ensue!

bussteward · 01/04/2023 16:53

Either she’s very stupid (always a possibility, with people) or she doesn’t really want kids there but doesn’t want to say so, and hopes you’ll decline.

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 01/04/2023 16:55

Ridiculous. Is she normally thick? Or was it just 'he's a kid so can go on the kids table' without really thinking?

WhatAmIDoingWrong123 · 01/04/2023 16:55

I’m usually very much of the ‘do as the couple ask or don’t go’ but this would push it for even me, it’s a silly idea. I’d either get her looked after for the day/night or I wouldn’t go.

11 months old isn’t a kid, it’s a baby and babies need to eat with parents.

Beautiful3 · 01/04/2023 16:56

An 11 month old might choke. Terrible idea. I'd pack some food for him and sit him on my lap.

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 01/04/2023 16:56

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 01/04/2023 16:55

Ridiculous. Is she normally thick? Or was it just 'he's a kid so can go on the kids table' without really thinking?

I've just realised she won't budge so you've already spoken about it. I wouldn't go.

CarolinaInTheMorning · 01/04/2023 16:58

Bizarre. We had a couple of children's tables at our wedding, but with a paid adult babysitter at each one. Plus they were all over 6 or so and mostly cousins.
No way should a baby be eating away from parents, especially if no adult is present at the kids' table.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 01/04/2023 16:59

This is one of the things I'd bring up with her when she has an 11 mo.