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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think most accidental pregnancies aren't really accidental?

253 replies

IAteAllTheTomatoes · 01/04/2023 14:02

If someone really doesn't want to get pregnant they are there are so many ways to prevent it that it's rarely a real accident?

Contraception, vasectomies, morning after pill etc.

I know contraception fails but if someone really doesn't want a pregnancy, they can double up & just more than one method?

Is it a lie that people just tell themselves?

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 02/04/2023 01:39

No form of contraception is 100% so I don't see why people seem surprised when it happens

snitzelvoncrumb · 02/04/2023 01:56

I think it is a mix of genuine accent, not worrying too much about contraception, not having access to contraception and just wanting a baby or trying to hang on to a relationship. I have friends who used the ‘oh I was on antibiotics and didn’t know the pill wouldn’t work’ and don’t believe them for a second. But I would never say anything.
If a man doesn’t want a child they have options, and honestly so many of my friends have been strung along by men and then after spending years putting up with get pregnant to force their hand. I considered it briefly in a relationship where he dangled the carrot of marriage constantly but it was always ‘soon, not just yet’. I ended up leaving and am so glad I did. I’m sure there are lots of not so accidental accidents, but I find it hard to be sympathetic to men when they have the ability to avoid it.

snitzelvoncrumb · 02/04/2023 02:08

ZoeCM · 01/04/2023 20:16

This is one hell of a weird thought, but bear with me: if contraception failure is so common, how the hell did none of the current generation of royals have children before marriage? Zara, Eugenie & William were all with their partners for 8-10 years before they got married. Beatrice was with the same boyfriend for 10 years. And they must all be quite fertile, because they all had children relatively soon after marriage.

The members of the royal family would have a lot of pressure on them to ensure they didn’t get pregnant out of wedlock. Even getting married immediately would be frowned on. It is possible one of them had a contraception failure, and had a termination.

Greenolivetrees · 02/04/2023 05:22

I do think that quite a portion of contraceptive failures are people not using them properly. It says rught in the booklet that the pill can fail if yiu've had diarrhoa or vomiting and should use sn extra methos that month, but most women don't track that.

Greenolivetrees · 02/04/2023 05:23

Anothernameonthewall · 01/04/2023 14:13

Our second child was a genuine accident. I'd just retrained for a new job, eldest was only 14 months when I got pregnant. It had taken ages to fall oreganwith our first, was still breastfeeding and we forgot a condom 1 night as we weren't used to using contraception at the time again.

I get a mistake in a committed relationship where we were happy having another child is a bit different to being a more vulnerable position, but was still a happy accident!

It might have been unplanned but having sex without contraception wouldn't be an accident in my book. That can be the expected outcome.

PuttingDownRoots · 02/04/2023 06:17

My first pregnancy... we always used condoms. Looking back 15years.. can I honestly say two horny students always used them 100% correctly? No. But since we have no idea which night it was, we can't say whether it was the condom or us.

DD1 was (intentionally) conceived the second month we were trying. DD2 was conceived in one night.

DH then had a vasectomy and is a big advocate fir them amongst his friends who say they don't want more kids.

Beezknees · 02/04/2023 07:17

YANBU. I always say DS was "unplanned" rather than accidental, as in I wasn't planning on having a child at that point in my life, but I did have unprotected sex once (17 years old and naively thought I wouldn't possibly get pregnant on one occasion) so it wasn't an accident. If you have unprotected sex, you did not have an accidental pregnancy, even if you weren't actively trying for a baby.

Devoutspoken · 02/04/2023 07:24

All those ditzy women using contraception that doesn't work, shoulda kept their legs crossed - is basically how that title comes across

Twinsforthewin · 02/04/2023 08:26

OP YABU the science is literally done? You know those figures like withdrawal, condoms, the pill etc are 88/92/95% effective (can't remember the exact numbers) they didn't just pull the numbers out of their arse, did they??? Make them up one day down the pill factory on their tea break?

By definition, even if you use them totally correctly, 6% of the time or whatever, they'll fail and someone gets pregnant 🤷🏻‍♀️ ok sometimes people lie/"forget"/whatever but it does absolutely happen completely by accident as well 😉

Buddythecat1 · 02/04/2023 08:30

THNG5 · 01/04/2023 14:12

I got pregnant after having my tubes cut. I definitely wasn't secretly hoping to get pregnant!! 🙄

Yep same here

Chowtime · 02/04/2023 08:32

YANBU - the amount of women who "accidently" get pregnant by a man with assets is astonishing. They never seem to get "accidently pregnant" by a man with fuck all lol.

Then they come on here 5 years and another "contraceptive failure" later wingeing that he won't put the house in both names, or marry her.

Tirrrrred · 02/04/2023 09:40

@Buddythecat1
@THNG5

Genuinely interested. Obviously it can happen if it did but how does it?

THNG5 · 02/04/2023 10:00

Tirrrrred · 02/04/2023 09:40

@Buddythecat1
@THNG5

Genuinely interested. Obviously it can happen if it did but how does it?

My tubes fused back together on one side.

VegetablesFightingToReclaimTheAubergieneEmoji · 02/04/2023 10:00

Chowtime · 02/04/2023 08:32

YANBU - the amount of women who "accidently" get pregnant by a man with assets is astonishing. They never seem to get "accidently pregnant" by a man with fuck all lol.

Then they come on here 5 years and another "contraceptive failure" later wingeing that he won't put the house in both names, or marry her.

Of course they do. Jeremy Kyle was literally made for it

Chowtime · 02/04/2023 10:19

VegetablesFightingToReclaimTheAubergieneEmoji · 02/04/2023 10:00

Of course they do. Jeremy Kyle was literally made for it

Show quote history

😀True

Mumwomansisterdaughter · 02/04/2023 10:58

This has to be most misogynist post I’ve seen on MN recently . I order of the op is a man or a woman .

Markasread · 02/04/2023 11:26

Mumwomansisterdaughter · 02/04/2023 10:58

This has to be most misogynist post I’ve seen on MN recently . I order of the op is a man or a woman .

Agreed

ZoeCM · 02/04/2023 12:16

Funny that loads of posters on this thread say they know someone who tricked her partner into parenthood, but none who admit to having done it themselves! Apparently MNers are the only women who never lie about contraception...

GettingStuffed · 02/04/2023 12:17

I was on the pill with All of mine.

fitzwilliamdarcy · 02/04/2023 12:23

ZoeCM · 02/04/2023 12:16

Funny that loads of posters on this thread say they know someone who tricked her partner into parenthood, but none who admit to having done it themselves! Apparently MNers are the only women who never lie about contraception...

I’m a lesbian.

Chowtime · 02/04/2023 12:24

GettingStuffed · 02/04/2023 12:17

I was on the pill with All of mine.

Yes but if you have D and V or are on anti-biotics or other types of medication then the pill can become invalid and you are advised to use additional contraception.

EsmeSusanOgg · 02/04/2023 12:32

Mum friend had a total accident (who she loves very much). On the pill, used condom (condom split) took morning after pill (though this only works if you have not yet ovulated that month). Still got pregnant.

Then there are people like my parents, married for 5 years, told they were infertile. Boom me, then sibling 1, then sibling 2. Then vasectomy.

But you also have people who do not understand how contraception works... The pill is only any good if taken exactly as instructed. So many varieties can be knocked off course by being sick, taking the wrong multivitamin combo etc. Ditto people thinking the morning after pill is an easy fix - when it does not work for half of the month.

You also have folks who are just a bit reckless and hope for the best.

The biggest thing would be to massively improve education and awareness of different contraception methods and how effective they are/ are not for both men and women. And improve access to a variety of contraception options to women. Many GPs still just go for the pill/ mini-pill when it is often not the best option for their patients. We need to empower people to make good family-planning decisions with education.

ddd20102010 · 02/04/2023 12:48

I know 2 women who got pregnant deliberately. The one that disgusted me the most was from a poor background seeing a rich man. She was very controlling, and did not let him out drinking much with his friends.

She tracked her cycle, let him out drinking, he came back, she instigated sex, said don't worry we have run out of condoms (a lie) low and behold she ended up pregnant. He did the right thing, married her. They moved area so I am no longer in contact with them. I do wonder if he feels resentment towards her. He also bought a very nice house for them once she was pregnant. She got what she wanted, I feel he could perhaps have had a happier life with someone else. Sad really, but not my business. His patents, particularly his mother were very upset at the time.

OlympicProcrastinator · 02/04/2023 12:53

said don't worry we have run out of condoms (a lie

So she told him they’d run out of condoms but he carried on anyway?? I presume he knew how babies are made?

AllOfThemWitches · 02/04/2023 13:18

ddd20102010 · 02/04/2023 12:48

I know 2 women who got pregnant deliberately. The one that disgusted me the most was from a poor background seeing a rich man. She was very controlling, and did not let him out drinking much with his friends.

She tracked her cycle, let him out drinking, he came back, she instigated sex, said don't worry we have run out of condoms (a lie) low and behold she ended up pregnant. He did the right thing, married her. They moved area so I am no longer in contact with them. I do wonder if he feels resentment towards her. He also bought a very nice house for them once she was pregnant. She got what she wanted, I feel he could perhaps have had a happier life with someone else. Sad really, but not my business. His patents, particularly his mother were very upset at the time.

You're painting this adult male as an innocent victim here. It's hilarious. 😂