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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think most accidental pregnancies aren't really accidental?

253 replies

IAteAllTheTomatoes · 01/04/2023 14:02

If someone really doesn't want to get pregnant they are there are so many ways to prevent it that it's rarely a real accident?

Contraception, vasectomies, morning after pill etc.

I know contraception fails but if someone really doesn't want a pregnancy, they can double up & just more than one method?

Is it a lie that people just tell themselves?

OP posts:
Original poster
IAteAllTheTomatoes · 01/04/2023 17:19

I'm not blaming anyone or saying people should have done more so sorry if that's the way it came across.

I really was only talking about most people who use the word accident when they've been very casual with contraception & are happy with the outcome.

There was no more to my question that that. It wasn't a shame or blame exercise or a nothing for the sort.

Apologies to those I have offended, it most certainly wasn't intentional.

OP posts:
fitzwilliamdarcy · 01/04/2023 17:33

SemperIdem · 01/04/2023 16:40

I know a few women who had “surprise babies”. Those babies were only a surprise to the fathers, the mother’s stopped taking the pill in each instance. Not forgot, stopped.

So whilst I would never comment in real life, I’m doubtful when women in the prime childbearing age bracket have a little surprise, particularly when their partner has shown no obvious interest in having children.

I agree. I know of three women who’ve done this in the past few years. None of them work and in each case it was a 3rd or 4th baby with a larger age gap than between the first two.

They cheerfully maintain that it was a happy accident but the fathers all look knackered and work long hours to support them all. I think it’s awful behaviour.

TheFormidableMrsC · 01/04/2023 17:35

Both of mine were accidents. One was a condom failure and I took the MAP and the other was a coil failure. It does happen. I am glad though because I've got two beautiful children who were clearly meant to be.

Pudmyboy · 01/04/2023 17:36

I have known two women who deliberately got pregnant by not using contraception whilst telling their partner they were, then claiming it was a contraception failure (both using the cap, this was many years ago when it was a popular option).
I have also worked with young people who say they are using condoms as contraception but 'not every time' ie the first sex of the night will be with a condom then none for subsequent sex, they are adamant they don't want to be pregnant but don't somehow see the risk until the two lines appear on the pregnancy test. Some still consider they got pregnant by accident even then. Wish men could get pregnant, there would definitely be an increase in condom use then!

Jourdain11 · 01/04/2023 17:43

My DD1 was a genuine accident. I was on the pill and had been on a short course of antibiotics. I had no clue that the two could interact to make the pill ineffective and it never occurred to me that I was pregnant. I had (lighter) bleeds at the time of my normal period for the first three months. I was genuinely very surprised

PinkPink1 · 01/04/2023 17:44

Tg2023 · 01/04/2023 16:49

Also as for women trapping men, if men are so against having a child there's a thing called Vasectomy.
Or god forbid they could NOT HAVE SEX THOSE POOR MEN BEING USED! 🥴

Why would a man have a vasectomy if he wants a child in the future? His DW or DP shouldn’t be devious by not taking her pill correctly (or completely stop it without telling him). Those men are totally being used. He trusted his DP and she lied to him.

If the pill is taken correctly - taking it at the same time everyday and abstaining from sex for the required time after starting a new brand etc - then it’s highly unlikely a woman will fall pregnant. Very occasionally a woman will accidentally fall pregnant despite perfect use.

riotlady · 01/04/2023 18:00

My DD was a proper accident, decided to try the contraceptive patch after nearly a decade on the pill with no issues- got pregnant within 5 months! Would never have occurred to me to take the MAP because as far as I knew everything was working fine

steff13 · 01/04/2023 18:03

Birth control isn't 100% effective when it's used perfectly. Most humans aren't perfect.

MotherofBingo · 01/04/2023 18:09

Momtotwokids · 01/04/2023 17:11

I don't like the word accident. I had a wonderful surprise. An accident is horrible but I'm there are some.

For me, while I always believed it wasn't a choice id ever make for myself, when I fell pregnant I was still suffering horrific PND, in an awful financial situation and extremely high risk due to major complications in my last pregnancy which meant I had to make a decision to have a termination that was horrific and still affects me years later. Pregnancy at that time was horrible - I wasn't fit to be a good mother to the two children I already had at that time, let alone adding another to the mix, I think it's fair to say it wasn't a wonderful surprise for me. It was a heartbreaking accident.

Mummysgonetobed · 01/04/2023 18:09

Ivf for first two children, six miscarriages, told repeatedly I do not ovulate by medical professionals. Protected sex (condom) with dh resulted in unplanned and unexpected accidental 3rd pregnancy.

Softsoftsleep · 01/04/2023 18:42

Op I'm interested in this and have always wondered. People ask why should other people care how people got pregnant 'accidentally'. Well my reason is that I've never not actively tried to prevent unless I was ttc. I've always used contraception. When I was on the pill I took it like clockwork and now always use condoms. When people say they got pregnant accidentally, I'm always curious how because I don't know how concerned I need to be if it's really common for contraception to fail. The only people I'm close enough to know the ins and outs were a) not taking the pill properly or b) got their 'timings' wrong, eg thought it was a safe time in their cycle.

Softsoftsleep · 01/04/2023 18:43

Mummysgonetobed · 01/04/2023 18:09

Ivf for first two children, six miscarriages, told repeatedly I do not ovulate by medical professionals. Protected sex (condom) with dh resulted in unplanned and unexpected accidental 3rd pregnancy.

Out of interest, why did you use condoms when your chances of conception were so low?

Softsoftsleep · 01/04/2023 18:44

IAteAllTheTomatoes · 01/04/2023 17:19

I'm not blaming anyone or saying people should have done more so sorry if that's the way it came across.

I really was only talking about most people who use the word accident when they've been very casual with contraception & are happy with the outcome.

There was no more to my question that that. It wasn't a shame or blame exercise or a nothing for the sort.

Apologies to those I have offended, it most certainly wasn't intentional.

Your OP isn't shaming at all, it came across as a genuine question.

Fifi1010 · 01/04/2023 18:46

Condom split and MAP didn't work for me I ovulate early. It's an age thing as well younger have higher fertility less chance of getting caught out when older.

crossstitchingnana · 01/04/2023 18:50

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 01/04/2023 14:10

I think far fewer people use condoms than we realise. Certainly when I was younger alI didn’t because they’re gross, smelly a mood killer and I didn’t place my sexual health high enough above my need for a good shag I guess.

Being in my 50s condoms were widely used in the 80s due to the AIDS hysteria.

Me and dp shagged for ten years , using contraception, and no pregnancies. When we wanted to conceive it took three months.

I think there's a lot of "half-arsed" contraception out there and a handful of genuine contraceptive fails.

I know one friend whose MAP failed and another who had the coil and still fell pregnant.

Un7breakable · 01/04/2023 18:50

BeardieWeirdie · 01/04/2023 14:55

Having not used any contraception in 13 years and with only two very much wanted babies, I really struggle to get my head around how anyone can manage to get pregnant accidentally with doubled-up contraception. I find it so bloody difficult to conceive without any contraception!

This

GobbieMaggie · 01/04/2023 18:54

YANBU, I know of three of my friends who "engineered" an accident.

itsgettingweird · 01/04/2023 18:54

TeenLifeMum · 01/04/2023 14:06

I used a condom… it split, so I took the morning after pill. Still ended up pregnant. I’ve had unprotected sex 3 times in my life (once when the condom split included in that 3 - I had a termination) the other times resulted in dd1 and the the final time, dtds.

i guess I’m very fertile. So no, I don’t agree with your hypothesis.

Similar story here.

Except I was on pill and during my week break had antibiotics. Decided to take MAP to be in safe side.

Ds is now 18 🤣🤣

Devoutspoken · 01/04/2023 18:57

It's quite a controversial topic to make so light a comment on it, as you claim it was, it can be devastating to get pregnant whilst using contraception correctly, whatever the ultimate outcome

Mummysgonetobed · 01/04/2023 19:04

Softsoftsleep · 01/04/2023 18:43

Out of interest, why did you use condoms when your chances of conception were so low?

Show quote history

Because I didn’t want a third baby! My doctor said things could change after a baby, my youngest was only a few months old at that point and I wanted to be safe. Just not safe enough it seems!

MoonOverBroadway · 01/04/2023 19:05

Devoutspoken · 01/04/2023 18:57

It's quite a controversial topic to make so light a comment on it, as you claim it was, it can be devastating to get pregnant whilst using contraception correctly, whatever the ultimate outcome

I agree with this.

Myneighbourskia · 01/04/2023 19:13

What people don't realise is you need to take the pill at the same time everyday. If you start taking it at 10 am, you need to keep taking it at 10 am.

Coffeeandcrocs · 01/04/2023 19:15

DD was absolutely accidentally- I fell pregnant with the coil in and it came out with her when she was born...

AllOfThemWitches · 01/04/2023 19:15

Fifi1010 · 01/04/2023 18:46

Condom split and MAP didn't work for me I ovulate early. It's an age thing as well younger have higher fertility less chance of getting caught out when older.

Ha. That's why I wasn't worried when I had to take the morning after pill at nearly 35 years old. Stupid woman i am.

HappyAsASandboy · 01/04/2023 19:23

Ha! My accidental pregnancy was after my DH had a vasectomy (though not quite at the 6-month point to have the test to give the all clear) and while I was on the pill ( Eva use we were still in that 6-month window).

He defied a lot of odds to be here, and I love him very much.

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