To ask the most annoying/bizarre flex/boast you've heard?

[phonemouse]

One that gets me is people boasting about how 'tiny' they are, but one that always makes me laugh is my MIL proudly mentioning on way more than one occasion how narrow SIL'a feet are like it's something really special 🤣🤣

Aww don't worry. My son was very "chunky" when he was a baby and toddler (he was on the 98th centile for head size at birth). He is now in his 20s and lean. They do not necessarily follow their birth stats.

I’m wondering if we know the same person! I have a friend who was bemoaning how her wrists were so teeny tiny she couldn’t find a fitbit type watch that fitted her, apparently they were all so big and clunky and hurt her delicate wrist bones.

The correct response to that is "oh, so you're a man tramp? Ew"

When we lived in Germany and would travel back to the UK for Christmas etc one couple made me laugh.
Her version, they had no trouble with traffic, the children were angels in the car for the 5 hour drive to the coast, they were the first car off the ferry and sailed through customs.
His version, the kids were total shits in the car, fighting for almost all 5 hours, they hit every jam in the Ruhr and made the ferry by minutes, on arrival they got stuck behind the idiot who didn't come for his car for half an hour then they were behind the car that HM Customs decided to strip down to the chassis!

I haven't read any replies - but thank you.

Yours

Frodo

🤣🤣

Honestly. Hairy too. I do shave my big toes! Do I give a shit?

Sometimes. Oh! 😱 I just remembered photobombing a beautiful girl taking pics of herself and the sea behind in the Canary Islands.

Was in the sea with my 14 year old daughter who INSTRUCTED me 😉 to start skulling.

Get your baguette feet out Mum she exclaimed!! ... !!

Fair point. I did 🤣

I was a bit miffed about the ‘Why would you want to be small?’.

@SettlingForANewPassword an 18 month old on a flight to NZ is a million times harder than a three month old. I've done both. You are totally right to still be irked 11 years later! I'm with you, and I hope that helps you get over it!

I used to know someone who bragged about 'always having her babies early', as if it made her a bit more superior at pregnancy than those who went overdue.

I did laugh when she got pregnant with her fourth child. Throughout the pregnancy she constantly announced that the baby would be early as hers were 'always early', only to go two weeks overdue!

A brag I've seen on here a lot in recent times is 'on paper we are millionaires'

People who boast about drinking coffee. "I've had 4 already and it's not even 10am! I have to have real coffee because instant just doesn't cut it for me. Oh Starbucks is dreadful, I have specially imported Columbian ultra beans, watered with red bull and ground under the wheels of the fastest formula one cars" As if liking coffee is a positive personality trait rather than just a drink preference. Twats.

‘I never go to the Dr, I never take medicine’ is my MIL. Who every time she comes to stay with us ends up making us all unwell!! Last time she brought a bad cold with her.

The big baby brags are also really weird and tiresome!! Especially when it’s ‘look what my breast milk did’ stealth boasts.

Oddest, and possibly saddest, was one person who boasted to me that their ds' teacher said he was "exceptional" at literacy. They butted into a conversation I was having with someone else to tell us that-I was talking about how ds hated putting pen to paper and hated literacy.
Reality was that he was having intervention because they were really struggling and working way below the rest of the form. I suspect he had SEN but parents were very much in denial. Very sad really.

More amusing was perhaps the person that told me that the midwives were so impressed with how their wife had given birth that they lined the halls when they left and cheered them, begging them to let them know if they had another baby so they personally could make sure they looked after them next time.
I think they must have forgotten that it's my local hospital too. They didn't know that I was visiting a friend at the time and know he nearly got chucked out for aggressive behaviour and were given a warning on their behaviour. So maybe they did stand a cheer as they left, but not for the reasons he tells. 🤣

@FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb Also a mum to a child with a speech delay and I frequently get told it’s due to Covid and that I should speak to him more. I’ve spoken to him from before he was even born. I would chat to him in the womb. I’ve narrated our days and laughed and spoken with him since the moment he was born!! But the guilt still hits anytime someone makes a shitty comment.

Anyone who boasts about the long hours they work, the high pressure of their job and how much responsibility they have.

Well, they think they’re boasting but all I can think is ‘that sounds absolutely dreadful, I’m so glad I don’t have any of that in my life. You poor thing.’

😳
Mummy! Mummy! Me got big willy!

Birth stories. I went to loads of baby groups with my first DC and all the mums would try to out-do each other about how dreadful their birth was.

"14 hours in labour with only paracetamol..."

"16 hours and I just had gas and air..."

"Well I was in labour for 26 hours and I had nothing..."

"Well I was in labour for 36 hours, had no pain relief and my baby was back-to-back"

"I was in labour for 48 hours, my baby was back-to-back and weighed 14lbs!"

"I was in labour for 109 hours, my baby weighed 18lbs, came out arse first, ripped my hoo-ha and now I can only piss sideways..."

@ItsThePlayBusDingDing im so sorry. Your mother was awful to you. So sorry for the loss of your baby xx

@Cornchip That reminds me of one of my only memories of mum. She was usually quite chilled about stuff but one school mother was always boasting about her daughter. Mum must have usually let it go, but just after I did the entrance exam to senior school, the other mum was banging on about how her daughter got a bursary as she's so so clever. My mum replied "you must be so proud, my daughter got an academic scholarship" (They were awarded to the highest scorers) The other mum was lost for words. Sadly, my early days of being intelligent are just a memory now 😂

Yep - Mary is usually given to the one they don't trust to say anything!

Boasting how small your child is “Oh It’s such a pain buying Araminta’s clothes , even though she’s 14 she still fits into age 9, even harder trying to find size 1 pointe shoes.”
Boasting that your husband is tall, always over 6feet tall. Nobody cares.
Boasting about thin feet as if you have done something good.
Boasting about a quick birth and having a small baby.

DH's friend of 30 years, (late 40's) has just filed for bankruptcy. A week after he filed, he sat in my lounge room boasting about how high his salary is, how he managed to keep his car, holidays, business connections, etc. Hinting he was better off than us!

He wife had divorced him & lost his nice house etc. a couple of years prior (over his debt driven lifestyle). He has literally nothing, including very little pension. I just thought 'how sad'.

To be fair, kids shoes go up to a 5 these days.

My friend in instagram just post a story of how big her house is and she is buying her house for £4millions in cash. She clearly wrote it in the story. Not just that everytime she got new bag she posted it with the picture of the receipt 😂😂 i know she is rich but i just find he hilarious and tacky doing that.

Men who boast about having a much younger wife.

Do they? I normally squeeze into a 4.5 because they are cheaper 😂

Im either a 4.5 or a 5, it’s not like I’m a 6 and squeezing my feet in. But if there is a kids option; I’m for sure a 4.5.

I used to wear a lot of children's clothes. Before online shopping was a thing, you couldn't get smaller sizes easily. If people were talking about clothes shopping and I mentioned I mostly wore children's clothes, was that a flex? Was that weird?
It was cheaper (no VAT), easier to shop for when you've got 3 kids in tow and they won't give you time in a shop dept not relevant to them, and more convenient than buying adult clothes and spending ages sewing to make them the right size. But the choice was v limited. I think a lot of short arses with a very flat chest would prefer not to be, to be honest, so they could go clothes shopping like normal people (and not look short and flat-chested). We already feel 'weird', thanks - just like unusually tall or overweight people might do - but it's now also boastful if we mention our issues with buying clothes?
I do wonder how many of these supposed flexes are being misinterpreted as boasting when people are really just saying what their life is like in order to join in a conversation. What you might see as a boast may actually be the opposite.