Do I spoil my DC?

[SpoilingTheDC]

1 DC aged 8, almost 9.

I’m a single parent but have a fairly decent salary.

I always said I wouldn’t spoil them but I think I do.

They get chocolate or sweets everytime we go to the shop, I make them wait until after their dinner to eat them usually but it’s everytime we go.

I rarely have to say no to them going to friends parties or them not doing events for their extra curricular activities (like scouts parade or swimming gala) because I can fit it in as there’s only 1 DC to consider. They do 3 out of school activites.

They’re generally well behaved. School have no issues whatsoever bar saying DC is a bit quiet but no rudeness or entitled behaviour, but from what I can see they have friends and are generally happy.

DC gets a say in where we go on holiday, when and where I buy their clothes from, even what we eat.

DC is also the only grandchild of my parents, so gets very spoilt by them, we're talking massive easter eggs plus gifts, multiple big christmas presents, I always tell my parents no but they just do it anyway and give it to DC behind my back as they help with childcare.

Compared to their friends DC does get a lot, they do far more activities and have far more treats, but all their friends have at least one sibling so it’s not a comparison.

DC is the only “only” child in their class as well, so I do worry that DC looks spoilt compared to the others. But the teacher has no issues with them at all, says DC is polite.

I just feel guilty and wonder if as they enter pre-teen and teen years I need to cut back on treats.

I will be unlikely to have anymore children despite being under 30 (medical reasons) so I do also feel like I can and should give DC the best. They’re likely to go to a private school for Secondary as well which none of their current friends will do due to cost.

So am I spoiling my DC?

They don't sound spoiled to me.

No

I have two. They get to do the after school activities they want. They get a say in their clothes and what they eat (within reason of course). They don't get sweets every time we go to the shop though.

You might not be doing them a lot of favours in preparing them for the real world to be honest if they always get what they want and more. Real life as an adult will not be like that and they'll have a shock.

Most of what you've mentioned is also very materialistic.

It sounds like love, not spoiling. I’ve never understood the attitude that you should deprive children of something you can easily afford as a lesson. I can’t figure out what it teaches them. It sounds as if you’re doing it absolutely right.

You need to say no sometimes so they get used to it and sweets that often can't be good for them. The rest is normal to me and I have three DC.

Agree with this.

My two get a lot too, and I rarely say no. Because I don't have to. I have the resources to give them it, so why wouldn't I?

In return, they're expected to do chores and follow the rules. The expectation of being polite and respectful and study.

So far, all good.

@roundcork No gardening or anything but DC knows I work and is aware that if I didn't I couldn't afford all the things they have. They also do scouts who're big on promoting work ethic and helping others as well. They also go to a cofe primary school who're big on helping the local community.

I don't always buy new clothes and toys either, if we're in a charity shop or similar I will buy from there if they like something or need something and its there. We also donated to the foodbank at Christmas, and did the schools book swap on World Book Day instead of dressing up.

Not spoilt at all. Sounds like normal family life to me, and sorry not doing more than most parents I know with more than one child.

We’re fortunate to have been able to give our children lots of nice things. They’ve always been good kids, kind, respectful and appreciate what they have. As long as you’re bringing them up to have a good attitude, why not?

My brother always had the attitude they were spoilt and said we’d ‘pay for it later’. I just ignore people like that, couldn’t care less what they think.

I think you are misunderstanding the term spoilt.

A spoilt child is usually defined as a child whose behaviour/attitude is appalling

you really think you’re giving your child the world because they do 3 extra curricular activities a week? 😂😂 and buy them sweeties every day

I wont tell you what my kids get…….

Prob not but choc every day will ruin their teeth so that's rather bad if u to allow that

Chocolate/Sweets isn't every day, we go to the shop together maybe once or twice a fortnight. I do go in between times alone but don't necessarily buy DC stuff when I'm alone.

Also since other children in your kids school do not seem (according to you mind) to have access to the sand finances I can only assume you live in a regeneration area

Same not sand

I spoil mine, I'm a soft touch, but I take no shit at the same time

Sounds like my DC. I have two boys. Both get everything they wanted. I dont think they are spoiled. They are loved. But i do disciplined them aswell if they do something wrong.

3 boys, same

My kids have sweets/chocolate most days. Teeth are fine.

Having a lot doesn't necessarily mean spoilt.
What chores do they do?
What happens when you say no to them?
Maybe let them have pocket money to buy their own sweets or save up for something rather than just paying for everything?

Doesn't sound like it, but maybe the only thing I wouldn’t do is let them have a day in holidays but so what unless it causes a problem?
I guess they might start being made demanding as they get older if they feel like deserve equal input, but also they might benefit from being treated in a more adult way.

What happens if you say no ? That is ultimately the test of a spoilt child.

You sound lovely and your kids sound well cared for :) they don't sound spoilt, just lucky. As long as they are raised to appreciate all they have and support those who don't have as much, all is good

You r doing fine 💐

@Cosyblankets No set chores as such but if I ask them to load the dishwasher or clean the bath after they've used it they will do it (with support).

If I tell them to wait until after dinner for sweets/chocolate they usually accept it, they few times they haven't I've warned them to either accept it and have them after dinner or they won't get them at all and they usually then stop moaning.

They didn't want pocket money when I offered it to them. They'd rather I spent a set amount on them per week so I do try to stick to that amount (around £8-10 per week). Their friends don't seem to get pocket money either though.