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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask a mum to keep her kids quiet on the train?

398 replies

Wiennetta · 31/03/2023 15:28

I specifically booked a seat on a quiet carriage as I’m working on a 4 hour train journey (as are most people in the carriage, or reading, snoozing etc). Next to me on the other side of the aisle is a mum with a two year old who is watching his iPad on full volume. He has been running around up and down the aisle with another child, shouting, screaming and so on.

I was trying to concentrate on something, listening on my headphones and politely asked the mum if they could keep it down - at this point the kid was literally next to my seat, in the aisle, jumping up and down and shouting. She just said, ‘he’s two, what do you expect me to do?’

I mean they’re kids, they’re little, they’re bored. But AIBU I thinking the parents should at least try and moderate their behaviour, remind them to be quiet, try and get them to sit down and do something a bit calmer? Even if it’s not always successful?

Or preferably not book the bloody quiet carriage.

OP posts:
GrinAndVomit · 31/03/2023 18:58

HamstersAreMyLife · 31/03/2023 18:56

Yes it will. I take 2 tablets and 2 sets of headphones. It's never going to be OK to be playing things out loud

Show quote history

We don’t have two tablets and the toddler won’t wear headphones. I’ve cancelled our plans for Sunday.

😁

Schoolchoicesucks · 31/03/2023 18:59

I didn't realise you could be allocated the quiet carriage without requesting it, that's really shit. Do you have to book seats for 2 and 3 year olds? If so, the train companies really should sort out their seat allocations to not book quiet carriage for those travelling with children.

I remember avoiding train travel with mine when they were young - in a car they are strapped in and restrained and can only annoy me and one another.

When unavoidable I would take snacks, sticker and colouring books, overpriced magazines, card games or other travel games, books and then devices with headphones or volume off. My youngest still won't wear in ear headphones but will tolerate over the head ones or you can even get ones on headbands.

Schoolchoicesucks · 31/03/2023 18:59

mamabear715 · 31/03/2023 18:51

Rather have little 'uns than a hen party. GAH!

Agree!

TheBirdintheCave · 31/03/2023 19:03

@christmaspudding43 I'm autistic and have audio sensitivities. Things played out loud will make me smash my head against any available surface.

People like you are my heroes 🥰

I don't like confrontation and people who are rude enough to play music/videos out loud are usually quite mean individuals so it's really hard to ask them politely to stop and think about other people 😢

redyellowpinkbluegreen · 31/03/2023 19:05

There's another thread atm about why kids are so badly behaved and this is one of the reasons! People are SO fucking entitled. I have a 16 month old and would never let her behave like this! Kids are loud ofc but there are ways to handle. One being don't book the quiet carriage if you have kids you clearly can't control!

phoenixrosehere · 31/03/2023 19:09

Wholeheartedly think people are much more miserable and unpleasant on here than they are in RL, can’t begin to imagine why.

I think most just grin and bear it in RL because they don’t know what type of person they’re going to be dealing with, especially those who cannot notice the usually quite obvious signs around that say “Quiet Zone” with pictures and rules or do know and don’t care.

GrinAndVomit · 31/03/2023 19:12

phoenixrosehere · 31/03/2023 19:09

Wholeheartedly think people are much more miserable and unpleasant on here than they are in RL, can’t begin to imagine why.

I think most just grin and bear it in RL because they don’t know what type of person they’re going to be dealing with, especially those who cannot notice the usually quite obvious signs around that say “Quiet Zone” with pictures and rules or do know and don’t care.

Hi,
This poster was replying to me and my circumstances.
I did not book a quiet carriage.
There would have been so such signs.

phoenixrosehere · 31/03/2023 19:14

Schoolchoicesucks · 31/03/2023 18:59

I didn't realise you could be allocated the quiet carriage without requesting it, that's really shit. Do you have to book seats for 2 and 3 year olds? If so, the train companies really should sort out their seat allocations to not book quiet carriage for those travelling with children.

I remember avoiding train travel with mine when they were young - in a car they are strapped in and restrained and can only annoy me and one another.

When unavoidable I would take snacks, sticker and colouring books, overpriced magazines, card games or other travel games, books and then devices with headphones or volume off. My youngest still won't wear in ear headphones but will tolerate over the head ones or you can even get ones on headbands.

I didn't realise you could be allocated the quiet carriage without requesting it, that's really shit. Do you have to book seats for 2 and 3 year olds? If so, the train companies really should sort out their seat allocations to not book quiet carriage for those travelling with children.

Same, but usually you can change seats and depending on the train company when you do, it will pull up a map of the train and it will show what carriages there are (1st Class, Food, Quiet Zone, etc.)

Morningcoffeeview · 31/03/2023 19:16

OP i have a two and a four year old so I was ready to jump to Mum’s defence. But I absolutely agree she should not be in the quiet carriage. I would not put myself in that position with my two. It’s not fair on the children or the other passengers. I’d go to peasant class where we’d fit in just fine.

Teateaandmoretea · 31/03/2023 19:20

I’d go to peasant class where we’d fit in just fine.

’quiet’ carriage is also peasant class.

I think yabu because the whole quiet carriage stuff is bollocks ime. I can’t bear it, it just leads to people getting angry with each other. Far more distracting to your very important work than a couple of kids on iPads.

DelphiniumBlue · 31/03/2023 19:30

I do think it is perfectly possible 2 & 3 year olds quiet, but it requires effort, and constant engagement. It is also possible to keep the volume on a tablet turned down.
The mother clearly wasn't bothered about whether her DC disturbed anyone else, and yes, gonna be judgey here, sounds like she was too lazy to entertain her own children, and was deliberately winding you up by talking on speakerphone.

justkeepwalking · 31/03/2023 19:40

Every time I read one of these threads I feel guilty for the time my kids were talking a lot (I’ve one that never stops) in the quiet carriage. I didn’t realise to start with - I’d pre-booked seats on my family travel card and definitely didn’t opt for the quiet carriage so assumed we were in a normal one. People gave me a couple of funny looks which made me look around and then notice the signs. Obviously as soon as I realised, I told my kids we had to be quiet and, once there was more space, we changed carriage so they could continue chatting.

So although this parent who opted out of parenting was BU for not parenting, it is possible she didn’t actually book that particular carriage.

Teateaandmoretea · 31/03/2023 19:46

I do think it is perfectly possible 2 & 3 year olds quiet, but it requires effort, and constant engagement.

Surely the engagement requires more noise than would be ‘acceptable’ in a quiet carriage?

As above I can’t bear the passive aggression in quiet carriages. And it’s always the child/ mother who gets it in the neck in here. Not the annoying bloke on his phone, the group of teens swearing at full volume or the group of drunken football supporters. All of whom I’ve encountered in the quiet carriage.

But it’s mumsnet so misogyny x 10 as usual.

Teateaandmoretea · 31/03/2023 19:48

Every time I read one of these threads I feel guilty for the time my kids were talking a lot (I’ve one that never stops) in the quiet carriage.

Guilt is what you should feel for murdering someone not for simply existing with young children.

Most people irl are much nicer and more tolerant than this thread leads you to believe.

Hibernating80 · 31/03/2023 19:53

I've had a few train journeys with a double pram and the only space for the pram is first class or the quiet carriage - where the disabled seats are - so then I've had no choice but to sit in the quiet carriage with my kids, and it's really annoying. I did not want to be there as much as probably others wanted me there. But I blame the train companies for not bothering to think about it's different users when designing the trains.

Amispringy · 31/03/2023 19:55

Lorrymum · 31/03/2023 16:21

What exactly is a quiet coach?

Don't you understand?

Justalittlebitduckling · 31/03/2023 19:56

HoneyPotBee · 31/03/2023 15:56

Have a word with her and don’t back down. She’s clearly one of these people that thinks she can get away with anything because she had a kid with her.

Don’t let her ruin your day because she’s a bad mother.

O no… not a BAD MOTHER!!!!! 😂

Amispringy · 31/03/2023 19:57

GrinAndVomit · 31/03/2023 16:39

I’m taking my three small children on the train on Sunday.
I plan on entertaining them for as long as possible before resorting to the iPad.
I don’t know how I can let them all watch together without not using the speaker though. I’d keep it as quiet as possible of course but will it drive everyone mad?

And yet you'll still do it 🤬

GrinAndVomit · 31/03/2023 19:59

Amispringy · 31/03/2023 19:57

And yet you'll still do it 🤬

Show quote history

Hahahahaha this genuinely made me laugh out loud! Thanks 😊

tachetastic · 31/03/2023 20:00

Teateaandmoretea · 31/03/2023 19:48

Every time I read one of these threads I feel guilty for the time my kids were talking a lot (I’ve one that never stops) in the quiet carriage.

Guilt is what you should feel for murdering someone not for simply existing with young children.

Most people irl are much nicer and more tolerant than this thread leads you to believe.

I agree 100% with this. Murderers should feel guilty. People simply existing with young children should not. Totally correct.

Not sure what it has to do with this thread.

All OP was expecting was for the mother to make some effort to control her children. I think she was clear that she did not expect that effort to necessarily be successful. You can't "control" kids - as the father of four I know this. Believe me, I know. But you can try. Instead of trying, the other passenger started a call on speaker phone while leaving her child to its own devices.

You should not feel guilty for having kids, and we all need to bump against each other in life and get on with things, but is it too much to ask people to make the effort?

Almahart · 31/03/2023 20:08

I'm going to sound like right old fart but my oldest is 16 and we literally did not have tablets or smartphones when he was a toddler. They just weren't really a thing and certainly not for kids.

I would time train journeys for when he was likely to nap and then have a whole range of sticker books and snacks etc. it was really really hard work, but it is doable.

Teateaandmoretea · 31/03/2023 20:18

@GrinAndVomit yep it’ll be annoying but on public transport people have to tolerate others.

Not everyone irl is like the princess and pea types on this thread.

The most unpleasant people on public transport are drunk adults and men with wide open legs not toddlers, whatever mn leads you to believe.

GrinAndVomit · 31/03/2023 20:21

Teateaandmoretea · 31/03/2023 20:18

@GrinAndVomit yep it’ll be annoying but on public transport people have to tolerate others.

Not everyone irl is like the princess and pea types on this thread.

The most unpleasant people on public transport are drunk adults and men with wide open legs not toddlers, whatever mn leads you to believe.

😊This is how I feel too. It would never have bothered me, even pre kids, if a couple of little kids were watching something quietly near me. If it started to annoy me, I might put my earphones in and listen to some music. I wouldn’t be enraged at all.

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 31/03/2023 20:31

GrinAndVomit · 31/03/2023 16:39

I’m taking my three small children on the train on Sunday.
I plan on entertaining them for as long as possible before resorting to the iPad.
I don’t know how I can let them all watch together without not using the speaker though. I’d keep it as quiet as possible of course but will it drive everyone mad?

Yes. Don’t do this, it’s incredibly antisocial.

Books, colouring, anything but do this. It’s AWFUL for your fellow passengers.

Newuser82 · 31/03/2023 20:32

@GrinAndVomit you can get headphone splitters so you can use multiple headphones on one device.