To ask a mum to keep her kids quiet on the train?

[Wiennetta]

I specifically booked a seat on a quiet carriage as I’m working on a 4 hour train journey (as are most people in the carriage, or reading, snoozing etc). Next to me on the other side of the aisle is a mum with a two year old who is watching his iPad on full volume. He has been running around up and down the aisle with another child, shouting, screaming and so on.

I was trying to concentrate on something, listening on my headphones and politely asked the mum if they could keep it down - at this point the kid was literally next to my seat, in the aisle, jumping up and down and shouting. She just said, ‘he’s two, what do you expect me to do?’

I mean they’re kids, they’re little, they’re bored. But AIBU I thinking the parents should at least try and moderate their behaviour, remind them to be quiet, try and get them to sit down and do something a bit calmer? Even if it’s not always successful?

Or preferably not book the bloody quiet carriage.

Really? That was the suggestion to me and I questioned what I’m supposed to talk to him about for two hours.

I was on a “quiet” carriage last year and it got crammed full of football supporters at one stop.
It’s a joke. I don’t think the guard would bother his arse, why would he? He’s not paid well enough to risk confrontation.

Another example of society gone wrong !

It’s not that the points you make are unbelievable, it’s more that you won’t make any attempt / effort to teach your kid of the social norms expected.

A 17 month old child is a sponge - tell them and repeat it and they learn. He can walk about - no-one has said otherwise. Just don’t use a screen without headphones. It’s that simple.

Thank fuck for that 😂

As the mother of an absolutely wild two year old over whom I wield almost zero
control I came in here hellbent on sticking up for this woman but then I read she was on loudspeaker herself 😂😂😂 what an absolute twat!

I say this very gently, but you do not know my child.
I am not going on the train now.

Even after you said you weren't going... Sounds reasonable to abandon a planned journey because you do not like what people are saying in relation to you incorrectly assuming it would be ok. It is not ok and you are being extremely dramatic

I booked seats on a train last year for me and my 2 children - I had to give the ages of the children when booking so there was no way the train provider didn't know I was booking for kids. Not only did the train provider reserve seats for us in the quiet carriage but they also booked me seats that weren't together. I squeezed the 3 of us into 2 seats so at least we were sitting together. About 40 mins into the journey I saw a sticker on the window and realised that we were in the quiet carriage and honestly thought I was going to cry. My eldest has additional needs and he doesn't even realise when he's talking too loud or tic-ing, never mind being able to control it. There is no way of strangers telling whether he has additional needs or whether he's just badly behaved though. The train was full (according to the staff member) so we couldn't move but, even if there had been seats in another carriage, I couldn't have moved me, both kids, and the bags through the train to check. Luckily the people around me were incredibly understanding, and we got through the journey with only one meltdown from my son (at that point I moved him to the vestibule but then my youngest started crying so I don't think it helped with the quietness of the carriage unfortunately).

This is my very long way of saying it is possible she booked seats and was put in the quiet carriage by the train company. It doesn't excuse rudeness but it does explain why she might not have known to be quiet.

Tbf, was waiting for this…

Or gangs of drunken scrotes heading off for a day at the races...

*All OP was expecting was for the mother to make some effort to control her children. I think she was clear that she did not expect that effort to necessarily be successful. You can't "control" kids - as the father of four I know this. Believe me, I know. But you can try. Instead of trying, the other passenger started a call on speaker phone while leaving her child to its own devices.

You should not feel guilty for having kids, and we all need to bump against each other in life and get on with things, but is it too much to ask people to make the effort?*

Agree with this. It is different when a parent or parents are trying hard and making an obvious effort, it is another when the parents and their children do what they want.

There is a gadget you can buy that you plug into the headphone port and then it can have multiple headphones plugged into it.

But as other posters have said. If your plan is to play childrens TV on a tablet without headphones, you're planning to be obnoxious to everyone around you.

If you must do it please choose bluey or something else where characters speak with normal voices and there is inoffensive music.

Thank you, no I didn't, but I do now.
It was explained to me in a previous post.

I suppose the thing is, GrinAndVomit, that you think your own attitude - play Disney movies with sound, ignoring other people (why should they mind?) ... 17-month-old children can't keep up a conversation (why talk to them then?) ... is fairly normal and regular.

It isn't. Many parents (and grandparents, amongst others) can talk to a small child like yours for ages; certainly longer than two hours. It can actually be really good fun to do so, in my experience. Not to mention good for the child. (Of course having other children around complicates matters, sure; but the general point stands.) You seem not to know this.

Hard though it is for you, maybe you can learn from this thread?

What to talk about? ... The shape of the windows; the speed of the train; the size of the seat; the texture of the wall; the sniffle in his nose; the tickle of his hair on his brow; the smell of the guard; that person's clothes; why you're on a train; whether his siblings are quiet; whether he's having fun; how poems rhyme; what a Limerick is; whether it is raining outside; what season it is; how long until his birthday; ... and on and on. That child is experiencing all this, more-or-less, for the very first time; it's really exciting for him. It can also be for you if you tune into his world and talk to him about it.

Really. This is not a fantasy. Try it. It is difficult to start with. But well worth it. And much better than Disney.

I'd have had a word with the train manager. Hiw can she think tge quiet carriage is the best place for her and her little children?

Honestly I've asked people to turn their music down on the quiet coach cos I could hear it through their headphones!

My kids very rarely use the iPad which is why we only have one and no headphones.

It’s also how I know they will all be completely absorbed and still and quiet for at least an hour.

Thank you for your list of conversation topics for my non-verbal toddler. I’m sure he will be particularly enthralled by the topic of “what is a limerick”

I will go and really think about my terrible behaviour now, as you suggested.

@GrinAndVomit non-verbal doesn’t mean unable to understand or unable to listen and learn.

He won’t sit still on my knee. He will want to stand up, run around and climb. I will be wrestling him and he will end up screaming.

I take him to play group twice a week and most of the kids his age are the same. He is not an oddity.

Quite. Or unable to respond. Try it, GrinAndVomit. Go on: try your son with some Limericks ... Look him in the face. Smile ...
"There was an old man with a beard,
Who said, 'It is just as I feared ...'"

"There was an old man from Darjeeling
Who went on a tube train from Ealing ..."

(Maybe not the "... young fellow from Ghent ...")

Try it. Then go with some other poetry:
"I went out to the hazel wood,
because a fire was in my head ..."

Or, whatever ...

Try it. Give it a while (he's not used to it ...). I guarantee he will end up loving it. (Though he may not remember most of it.) You will too. Promise. Try!

Grin and vomit, just no

All over the world there are parents who manage to travel on public transport, with young kids, without pissing off other travellers, it can be done

Apparently not by some of the posters here 🙄 Their children’s personality and characteristics make them far too unique and precious to be tamed or restricted in any way shape or form so they don’t even fucking bother.

This

If you seriously do not have other strategies and your child would do this then you are right to stay at home.

When my son was 16 months old we took a 5 hour flight with no iPad, no noisy stuff. I really do not understand why you feel every option equals toddler being unbearable.

I have never encountered a hen party on a train. Surely any hen party on a train would only be late on a Friday or Saturday night?