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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have laid in to this old man?

383 replies

knobheadex · 31/03/2023 14:28

Something happened to me yesterday and I've been stewing on it ever since.

It's 3pm and I'm on the way to pick up the kids from school. I nip in the the local garage because I'm slightly early and need to pick up a few things anyway.

It's pretty busy so I wait my turn in the queue. When I get to the front I ask the friendly young guy for some low nicotine e-liquid. As part of the chat I mention how I usually buy Elf Bars but I'm trying to quit vaping now. Suddenly I'm aware of someone behind me shouting something, so I spun round to see what's going on. There's a tall, rotund white haired man standing at the back of the queue booming 'They'll all kill your anyway, love!'

I reply that I'm aware it's not healthy and that's why I'm trying to quit before turning back to pay for my stuff and get the hell out of there. But he's still shouting 'I don't drink and I've never smoked! You know why??! Because I'm the boss of this!' And he proceeds to tap the side of his head. 'I can do anything I put my mind to!'

I say 'thank you very much for the unsolicited advice random man' and carry on with the transaction. But he won't shut up. He's really belittling me now and suggesting that I am weak willed and pathetic for being addicted to something. I'm done paying now and turn to leave and he's yelling at me that his wife has emphysema because she smoked 40 a day. I say loudly 'Now I feel doubly sorry for your wife' and march towards the door.

He's still going, although I'm not sure exactly what he's shouting about now but I'm raging by this point. Who does he think he is? Would he be saying all of this to a man buying cigarettes? So I get to the door and then shout back at him 'Can do anything apparently, but can't mind your own fucking business or put down the pies long enough to drop a few inches off that waistband of yours'.

A few people in the queue gasped and I left feeling like I'd gone too far. Did I? Or did he deserve it, just a little bit?

OP posts:
Annoyingwurringnoise · 31/03/2023 16:38

Good for you, I would have given you a round of applause if I’d been there. Sanctimonious twat got exactly what he deserved.

and no, of course, he wouldn’t have said any of that to a man, because a man might turn round and lamp him. Much safer to verbally abuse a woman.

usedtobeasizeten · 31/03/2023 16:38

Did you, aye? I always manage to get by not showing myself up but each to their own.

Notreadyformenopause · 31/03/2023 16:39

Elerandooo · 31/03/2023 16:37

Haha!! Your response was absolutely perfect OP and you are a legend for having the balls to say it!!

Well that depends on the circumstances.
Walking away and saying nothing would have got more respect from me.

It sounds to me (reading between the lines) that this man was in the process of losing his wife and was highly distressed.

SinnerBoy · 31/03/2023 16:39

The arrogant fat bastard got a taste of his own medicine. His poor wife has probably had 40 years of him lecturing and belittling her.

MosquitoBuffet · 31/03/2023 16:41

I would have applauded you (then popped out to check if you were ok)

ExpatInSlavikLand · 31/03/2023 16:41

PearlClutzsche · 31/03/2023 16:20

It's amazing how eloquent and quick witted some people can be when caught off guard and on the spur of the moment, isn't it? Hmm

Indeed, when my standard automatic response is usually, sadly, "f* you!!!"

flowflex · 31/03/2023 16:41

I can't stop laughing - you're amazing!

Mypatioisminging · 31/03/2023 16:42

SinnerBoy · 31/03/2023 16:39

The arrogant fat bastard got a taste of his own medicine. His poor wife has probably had 40 years of him lecturing and belittling her.

Yet if the genders were reversed and a woman was saying that stuff and a man called her an arrogant fat bitch there would be an outcry

seems being fat is something some see as an insult they happy to use. The op leading the charge, and you doubling down on it. Ha ha he was fat.

jeffgoldblum · 31/03/2023 16:42

It depends how he commented about his wife , your making assumptions, and his other comments about not drinking and having superior brain power to resist addiction would not show distress about his wife at all!

IAmInMeHoop · 31/03/2023 16:43

Mypatioisminging · 31/03/2023 16:42

Yet if the genders were reversed and a woman was saying that stuff and a man called her an arrogant fat bitch there would be an outcry

seems being fat is something some see as an insult they happy to use. The op leading the charge, and you doubling down on it. Ha ha he was fat.

Show quote history

I think you missed that he was boasting about his self control and mental ability in controlling his body. Which OP pointed out was clearly not true.
Would have been just as fine to say to a woman.

WisherWood · 31/03/2023 16:44

The thing is, this whole thing about being dignified and not sinking to their levels is about policing people's reactions to prejudice. So not only do you get people being rude to you, but you're told that's somehow it's better if you just suck it up. That one gets you coming and going. It's a double blow to keep you in your place. And it's done so sneakily. 'Oh well done you for keeping your dignity'.

No. Fuck that. If I want to get angry and call some fucker a fucker, I fucking well will. And if you don't want me to do that, stop bleating on about dignity and call people out when they're arseholes.

WetBandits · 31/03/2023 16:44

And then even my arsecheeks clapped.

Lollipopsicle · 31/03/2023 16:44

Well done OP. I'd have dealt with it pretty much the way you did, but the difference is that I wouldn't be in the least concerned that I'd gone too far. Serves him right. I'm just shocked that people stood by whilst he insulted and belittled you, but then gasped and tutted when you did the same to him because - oh no! - you mentioned his weight! Pathetic.

LadyKenya · 31/03/2023 16:44

Mypatioisminging · 31/03/2023 16:36

God I hate these threads. Hey everyone I shouted fat folk abuse at,some random elderly gent , ,,,everyone…uou go girl

ffs

Not everybody thank God. Some of us would understand that someone displaying such behaviour may be unwell, or at best avoided. Not someone to stand around shouting, and swearing insults at in retaliation.

IAmInMeHoop · 31/03/2023 16:44

Mypatioisminging · 31/03/2023 16:36

God I hate these threads. Hey everyone I shouted fat folk abuse at,some random elderly gent , ,,,everyone…uou go girl

ffs

You must have posted on the wrong thread....this is the one where the OP responded to a vile old man who shouted abuse at her.

BreviloquentBastard · 31/03/2023 16:45

Did you come up with this in the shower hours after the old man made his comment? Should have added everyone clapping and the young cashier asking for your number for extra oomf.

SeeWhatYouGetWhenYouAskAStupidQuestion · 31/03/2023 16:45

Amotherlife · 31/03/2023 14:34

And I would have assumed he had mental health issues or was actually intoxicated.

this

Mypatioisminging · 31/03/2023 16:46

IAmInMeHoop · 31/03/2023 16:43

I think you missed that he was boasting about his self control and mental ability in controlling his body. Which OP pointed out was clearly not true.
Would have been just as fine to say to a woman.

Show quote history

I didn’t miss the point at all. I would not have whooped at the op, I’d have looked at her with utter disdain and thought that’s the best you can do. Hurl an insult at his weight. Hardly an intelligent come back is it

MissMaple82 · 31/03/2023 16:46

You encouraged it by talking. You should have said nothing!

MissMaple82 · 31/03/2023 16:47

I think you were by far the more embarrassing one in this sorry episode.

Dominoeffecter · 31/03/2023 16:48

Mypatioisminging · 31/03/2023 16:46

I didn’t miss the point at all. I would not have whooped at the op, I’d have looked at her with utter disdain and thought that’s the best you can do. Hurl an insult at his weight. Hardly an intelligent come back is it

Show quote history

Some people seem to think it was too cutting and well thought out to have been an off the cuff response 😂

MissMaple82 · 31/03/2023 16:48

Also what's his shape got to do with it?

Dominoeffecter · 31/03/2023 16:48

MissMaple82 · 31/03/2023 16:48

Also what's his shape got to do with it?

What’s her vape got to do with him?

jeffgoldblum · 31/03/2023 16:49

I disagree wholeheartedly, if the sexes were reversed, and in the highly unlikely event a woman stood the other side of the queue and shouted comments like this at a younger man , she would deserve the same treatment and count herself lucky she wasn't thumped !

Original poster
knobheadex · 31/03/2023 16:51

I know I was BU to mention his weight, that was uncalled for. I just became so bloody angry in that moment. I'm tired of these men of a certain age telling me what I should and shouldn't do.
I had one in the little Tesco express the other day. I'd tied my dog up outside (I could see her out of the window) as I ran in to grab a soft drink and he thought it a good idea to come up and ask me if that was my dog outside. I said that yes it was and he asked me if I'd heard about the dogs that get stolen all the time. I said 'oh bloody hell. It's not still out there is it?'
He wasn't amused and gave me a bollocking for being irresponsible. I mean, I do know I shouldn't tie my dog up outside. It was after a long walk, we needed a drink, I was no more than 3 or 4 minutes, there's CCTV everywhere, and I could see my dog sitting there waiting for me! Still nothing to do with that nosy old fart.

OP posts:
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