To have laid in to this old man?

[knobheadex]

Something happened to me yesterday and I've been stewing on it ever since.

It's 3pm and I'm on the way to pick up the kids from school. I nip in the the local garage because I'm slightly early and need to pick up a few things anyway.

It's pretty busy so I wait my turn in the queue. When I get to the front I ask the friendly young guy for some low nicotine e-liquid. As part of the chat I mention how I usually buy Elf Bars but I'm trying to quit vaping now. Suddenly I'm aware of someone behind me shouting something, so I spun round to see what's going on. There's a tall, rotund white haired man standing at the back of the queue booming 'They'll all kill your anyway, love!'

I reply that I'm aware it's not healthy and that's why I'm trying to quit before turning back to pay for my stuff and get the hell out of there. But he's still shouting 'I don't drink and I've never smoked! You know why??! Because I'm the boss of this!' And he proceeds to tap the side of his head. 'I can do anything I put my mind to!'

I say 'thank you very much for the unsolicited advice random man' and carry on with the transaction. But he won't shut up. He's really belittling me now and suggesting that I am weak willed and pathetic for being addicted to something. I'm done paying now and turn to leave and he's yelling at me that his wife has emphysema because she smoked 40 a day. I say loudly 'Now I feel doubly sorry for your wife' and march towards the door.

He's still going, although I'm not sure exactly what he's shouting about now but I'm raging by this point. Who does he think he is? Would he be saying all of this to a man buying cigarettes? So I get to the door and then shout back at him 'Can do anything apparently, but can't mind your own fucking business or put down the pies long enough to drop a few inches off that waistband of yours'.

A few people in the queue gasped and I left feeling like I'd gone too far. Did I? Or did he deserve it, just a little bit?

Like you're trying to police my opinion?

Imo it's VERY hard to do anything other than 'knee jerk' in those types of situation but I think a good response might be remain silent, make sure you're out of his reach then pull out your phone & start filming him

No. You said she shouldn't do X, and should do Y. I said you can do what you like and so can she. How did you get so confused by that?

Aye quite

Youre not getting it. Of course its possible, its also a valid choice to be rude to someone who has been rude to you.

We KNOW there are alternative to saying nothing and being rude. But we have the right to choose to be rude to people who have been rude to us. Or not.,

I don't think there is any one way to deal with a dickhead like this. For all that i'm not a fan of fat shaming, I totally understand why you did it and frankly it was probably the only thing you could have done to have got anything into his thick skull.

Again, what is the relevance of his being "old"?

Yep - and then we get described as ‘fish wives’ perpetuating the ‘put up and shut up’ nonsense. If you don’t feel like you can stand up to people (men) who are verbally abusive to women in public then fine. But don’t berate those who are trying to change things.

What is the relevance of him being a man? What is the relevance of anything? What is wrong with describing things as they actually are?

I've always hated confrontation, but these days I will only take do much unjustified abuse from someone before I retaliate verbally. I still look back on things that happened to me when I was a very young adult and regret not having said or done certain things ( left in tears, not saying a word), so I certainly understand your reaction, OP.

I think your answer was perfect.
Like you say he'd not have said those things to a man.

I'm not confused. You're trying to stop me from expressing a contrary opinion. I maintain that the OP's response was rude (though of course if people want to embarrass themselves they have the right to do so) and I think it's possible to be assertive without lowering oneself. You're telling me I'm policing her and insinuating that I'm somehow unsupportive of women's autonomy and dignity. Too much of that goes on around here unchallenged.

So, it would be fine with you if OP had gone out of her way to say that, for instance, this man was black, if he was? Age is also a protected characteristic under the Equality Act. Surely the only relevant matter here is his conduct, not his age.

Nobody could hear the cheers because of the clapping.

Has the OP explained why anyone's age was relevant? (I'm not reading 10 pages of clapping and cheering)

Of course it's a valid choice to meet rudeness with even more rudeness. Opinions will vary on the effectiveness of that choice, of course.

Dementia is actually something you have to inform the DVLA of and they make you repeat your test…. Shouldn’t drive until this is done 👀

Because it seems hypocritical to tell someone they’re unhealthy when they’re not the picture of health themselves.

Too much of that goes on around here unchallenged.

Too right it does. As well as being told you’re the wrong kind of feminist. It’s hugely depressing.

What makes you say that he clearly isn't well? Do you REALLY believe that some people don't just behave like this man for no other reason than that they are just an arsehole?

I would have said, “Can do anything, but can’t mind your own fucking business.” Short and makes an excellent point!

I think your response would have been perfect without the pie bit. I think the second bit was a bit excessive and I would have become tongue tied shouting all that 😄.

I think you both acted like a pair of cunts to be honest. We can all do that from time to time. But yesterday it was the two of you.

Another reason to not start random conversations with cashiers. It's so annoying when people do this when they can clearly see it's busy. Just holds everyone up for ages.

This

I think you did a marvellous job and I’m applauding you now!

Do you also think women encourage sexual harassment/assault by wearing short skirts? 🙄