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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

8 months pregnant and I want a cigarette

102 replies

Boymamabee · 30/03/2023 20:33

I’ve never been a heavy smoker - maybe two a day or a few puffs in the evening. I gave up as soon as I found out I was pregnant. Haven't smoked in eight months.

We’re facing homelessness. We’re on the housing list - silver band with additional preference but this will change two weeks before our contract is up.

Anyway, husband has no solutions. Says I’m selfish for suggesting we stay put if nothing comes us. Says I'm living in a fantasy world if I expect the council or H/A to home us. Doesn’t want a flat. Just being negative and moody with me. I lost it tonight, cried and said I wanted a cigarette. Just one or a few puffs because I'm so stressed. He went ballistic. Said I’m “absolutely not smoking“ and I might as well blow smoke in our 3-year-old’s face while I'm at it. I said I only wanted a few puffs because I feel so wound up and ultimately it’s my choice... He said, “what about our baby? He doesn't have a choice“. Said he couldn’t believe I was crying and wanting to smoke because I can’t handle a bit of stress. No attempt to comfort me at the time but did try and hug me half hour later.

He’s also told me off for drinking coffee (no more than two a day) in front of my mother. It didn’t go well for him.

AIBU for wanting one cigarette?

OP posts:
Redebs · 30/03/2023 20:35

You're stressed.
But poisoning your unborn baby's bloodstream won't help anything.

nomoremerlot · 30/03/2023 20:37

Don't do it.... you'll feel shit afterwards!

Coffeeandchocs · 30/03/2023 20:37

I can understand your stress but honestly smoking whilst pregnant is abhorrent and you are absolutely unreasonable for considering it.

DoggoCEO · 30/03/2023 20:37

A cigarette will really help. 🙄

I think we’re being invaded this evening.

Kanaloa · 30/03/2023 20:38

He sounds awful and your situation sounds very stressful, which I think is probably making it harder for you to abstain from unhealthy choices. Of course you shouldn’t smoke when pregnant, but maybe he ought to get off his high horse and realise being nasty and stressing out his pregnant wife is probably as damaging for her and the baby as a cup of coffee.

Yellowrosesmakemehappy · 30/03/2023 20:39

Don’t do it, I’m sorry you are stressed but part of overcoming addiction or dependency on unhealthy habits is learning to cope with stress in other ways.

You don’t need the cigarette, can you have a bath or a shower? Or go to sleep? Or a short walk. Or chocolate even?

mygoodies · 30/03/2023 20:39

You aren't unreasonable for wanting to smoke when you see it as a coping mechanism but if you think about it honestly you'll recognise that it won't stop at one. It's not good for your baby, as much as you try and justify it to yourself.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 30/03/2023 20:39

YANBU for wanting it BUT YABU don't do it. You'll regret it immediately afterwards and it won't do a thing for your stress

dryingontheradiatior · 30/03/2023 20:39

You are absolutely being unreasonable.

A cigarette won't help your situation in any way shape or form.

Mamamia7962 · 30/03/2023 20:39

Is this real? Come on OP you know you're being unreasonable, why do you even need to ask.

Pinkflipflop85 · 30/03/2023 20:41

Yabu.

And selfish.

Norriscolesbag · 30/03/2023 20:41

For goodness sake it’s one cigarette, you all need to get a grip. OP you’ve done brilliantly to give up instantly for 8 months- most people make a right drama out of giving up.

I say this as someone who literally hates smoking.

LadyKenya · 30/03/2023 20:41

It will not help your stress levels at all. The craving will just continue from one cigarette to the next. Not worth it.

Stressyfab · 30/03/2023 20:43

YANBU for feeling how you feel -
but as others have mentioned it won’t help, and you’ll feel worse off for having done it. Doesn’t sound like you need to feel worse right now 🖤

Curiosity101 · 30/03/2023 20:43

It sounds like you're having a really tough time, no one needs to be facing homelessness on top of an impending newborn. Also your husband sounds like he probably could be more supportive. But... YABU.

It's so tough and I really feel for you. It is your body at the end of the day but you are responsible for that little baby inside of you. Given that it's something you want, but don't need, and it can theoretically do immediate damage, I really think you would be best thinking of an alternative stress reliever.

What is it about the cigarette that appeals (other than the obvious)? Is it the breathing pattern? Have you ever done any mindfulness? Can you go and watch an episode of something you really enjoy to give your mind a break?

DimplesToadfoot · 30/03/2023 20:44

I cant judge you, I smoked all throughout my pregnancies, this was before the days of realising the damage we were doing, we even had a smoking room off the maternity ward. But knowing what I know now, I wouldn't have one, I wouldn't advise you to have one, what I would say is grab a cuppa and a biscuit and find somewhere quiet alone to sit and have a breather. It was never the cig I wanted, it was just that 5 minutes of me time. I hope you manage to feel better soon 💐

JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon · 30/03/2023 20:45

You aren't being unreasonable to want a cigarette.

You would be very unreasonable to have one.

Please talk to Shelter and your midwife about the housing situation and to your midwife about your stress.

Also you are absolutely right not to move out until you have accommodation lined up or you are evicted.

Your DH is being stupid and very unreasonable to suggest that you make yourselves voluntarily homeless especially with a three year old and another on the way.

Original poster
Boymamabee · 30/03/2023 20:45

Throughout this pregnancy I haven’t had the urge to smoke until today. I mostly smoked in the evening (when my son was in bed) or when I was stressed - like now.

OP posts:
CremeEggThief · 30/03/2023 20:46

YANBU for feeling like it, but YWBU to do it. Your husband needs to step up and be more supportive though. It wasn't kind how he treated you.

CountZacular · 30/03/2023 20:49

I wouldn’t judge you for wanting one cigarette but the reality is one cigarette never remains just one.

Your husband is being really shit and unsupportive though. I really feel for you and the situation sounds awful. If he doesn’t actually have solutions he needs to shut up and stop criticising everything you suggest.

Check2223334 · 30/03/2023 20:52

I gave up when I found out I was pregnant but I was under a lot of stress towards the end I ended up using a low strength vape 3mg, I’d choose that over a cigarette if you have too.

nomoremerlot · 30/03/2023 20:54

Pinkflipflop85 · 30/03/2023 20:41

Yabu.

And selfish.

For just wanting a cigarette.....

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 30/03/2023 20:56

I'd suggest if your dh was more supportive you wouldn't feel the stress you are feeling, and you wouldn't have the craving.

nomoremerlot · 30/03/2023 20:56

Boymamabee · 30/03/2023 20:45

Throughout this pregnancy I haven’t had the urge to smoke until today. I mostly smoked in the evening (when my son was in bed) or when I was stressed - like now.

It's the association thing isn't it, really tough but maybe try a bath or something?

You're a ⭐️ for your baby, you know you are.

LuvSmallDogs · 30/03/2023 20:56

Yanbu to want it - it's an addiction, and while some lucky sods kick it and never look back, some have to quash down the odd stress-induced pang forever. My mum quit smoking when I was 9, and when I was old enough to take it up myself she would occasionally come outside to watch me longingly and say "god, I really could right

Just a few weeks to go, OP, you can dig down and do it.

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