8 months pregnant and I want a cigarette

[Boymamabee]

I’ve never been a heavy smoker - maybe two a day or a few puffs in the evening. I gave up as soon as I found out I was pregnant. Haven't smoked in eight months.

We’re facing homelessness. We’re on the housing list - silver band with additional preference but this will change two weeks before our contract is up.

Anyway, husband has no solutions. Says I’m selfish for suggesting we stay put if nothing comes us. Says I'm living in a fantasy world if I expect the council or H/A to home us. Doesn’t want a flat. Just being negative and moody with me. I lost it tonight, cried and said I wanted a cigarette. Just one or a few puffs because I'm so stressed. He went ballistic. Said I’m “absolutely not smoking“ and I might as well blow smoke in our 3-year-old’s face while I'm at it. I said I only wanted a few puffs because I feel so wound up and ultimately it’s my choice... He said, “what about our baby? He doesn't have a choice“. Said he couldn’t believe I was crying and wanting to smoke because I can’t handle a bit of stress. No attempt to comfort me at the time but did try and hug me half hour later.

He’s also told me off for drinking coffee (no more than two a day) in front of my mother. It didn’t go well for him.

AIBU for wanting one cigarette?

It's an addictive substance- 'a few puffs' during a stressful time can restart the physical addiction in your body. You might find yourself wanting to smoke more and more.

Your stressor isn't a temporary thing that one cigarette will fix. It's not like you had a difficult customer at work that made you stressed and everything will be fine tomorrow. You'll still have housing insecurity and uncertainty tomorrow and the next day- are you going to smoke then as well?

I feel for you. Don't feel bad for wanting to smoke. But I hope you can hold out, especially after making it this far.

@Boymamabee I'm shocked at these harsh comments. I'm sorry but it obvious you are not a heavy smoker by posting here for support. You obviously are at the end of your teather and I'm not sure why posters have just skimmed the fact your facing being HOMELESS.

Just have a cig OP it will calm you. Its 1 cig FFS not the whole pack one after the other. I am not a smoker however if I've been extremely stressed I have also smoked a cig before.

Being stressed is MORE harmful than you having 1 cig. Your husband is being shit right now also he has no right to demand.

Your situation sounds tough 💐

Smoking will not help anything except make you worse off.

If my partner was carrying our child and wanted to do something totally unbeneficial that had a risk to their health I would be annoyed at them too.

You're totally allowed to want one but please please don't have one.

It sounds like a really shit situation but smoking won't help, honestly.

I am 6 months pregnant, pretty much a non drinker outside of pregnancy anyway and gave up smoking years ago. All I want, all day every day is a ice cold beer and a packet of cigarettes. I fantasise about it all the time, just don't act on it. It's not worth it, you will regret it.

Yanbu. you've done so well to stop. You're stressed so its understandable you're longing for the things that normally help you cope.

But dont do it. You know its bad for baby and it won't help you it will make you feel worse because you'll feel guilty.
Do something to treat yourself and look after yourself in some other way. Stay strong 💪

Also OP, as someone who has had to quit smoking twice (ffs why did I do that to myself?) One thing that really helped me was reminding myself that when it comes to cigarettes, one is too many and a thousand isn't enough.

You have done so well, don't give yourself an addiction you have already overcome!!

Can you link the study, please?

@MrsTerryPratchett

That poster has got confused I think as the study they've mentioned is regarding smoking one cigarette per day during pregnancy, rather than once in total. https://eu.usatoday.com/story/life/allthemoms/2019/03/11/sids-suid-increases-smoking-while-pregnant-one-cigarette-pediatrics-study/3130269002/

OP I'm not a smoker so I know it's easy for me to say but you've done so well to quit and having just one risks you having another after that / going back to how tough it was to quit originally.

And if anything happened, it might play on your mind and make you feel terrible even if the likelihood of it being the reason may be small. Just not worth the potential heartache / anxiety

YANBU for wanting a cigarette, YABU to actually have one.

If you haven’t smoked in 8 months a cigarette will probably be horrible anyway, it will prob make you feel sick and dizzy like the first time you smoke as a kid.

@MrsTerryPratchett

Smoking Even One Cigarette While Pregnant Doubles the Risk of Sudden Unexpected Infant Death, Study Finds

consultqd.clevelandclinic.org/smoking-even-one-cigarette-while-pregnant-doubles-the-risk-of-sudden-unexpected-infant-death-study-finds/amp/

Your unborn baby doesn't deserve that.

Sorry OP, but you need to find a healthier way to de-stress than smoking. Meditation, exercise, adult colouring books, reading... anything is better than resorting to addictive substances or *compulsive behaviour.

And please don't kid yourself that by only smoking when your son was upstairs you weren't impacting his health - the smoke still travels all around the house.

*I used to compulsively eat salty and sugary snacks whenever I was stressed and upset, and it left me more stressed and disgusted with myself. Nowadays, I just don't buy such snacks unless I've a good reason, to avoid temptation, and instead read an old favourite or switch on some nonsense on Netflix and jump onto our cross trainer.

The link in that article is broken meaning you can't see the actual study. I suspect as PP says it's one per day.

Also obviously you can't double blind study this so it's all correlation and I suspect smoking in pregnancy is correlated with all sorts!

Your husband is right that it would be selfish to stay in a property once your contract to live there is up if ‘nothing comes to you’. You can’t solve the problem you currently have with housing just by waiting for something to come to you.

Having a cigarette won’t help you either, but that urge to is something I completely understand. I gave up smoking as soon as I found out I was pregnant and then had two puffs on one when I was full term. It made me feel sick instantly and I felt awful afterwards. My body was clearly telling me that I was being a dickhead.

After having a cigarette, you'll still have the problem.

Oh whatever, everyone smoked in the 60s and 70s and most of us who were born in that era are OK! and actually I have friends who smoked in pregnancy a lot more recently than that, and their kids are fine. Just have one. Stress isn't good for the baby either.

Most of you were fine, yes. That doesn't change the seriousness of the risks as proven in research.

https://www.cdc.gov/tobacco/basicinformation/healthh_effects/pregnancy/index.htm

Both babies whose mothers smoke while pregnant and babies who are exposed to secondhand smoke after birth are more likely to die from sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) than babies who are not exposed to cigarette smoke.

Babies whose mothers smoke are about three times more likely to die from SIDS.

Babies whose mothers smoke while pregnant or who are exposed to secondhand smoke after birth have weaker lungs than other babies, which increases the risk for many health problems.

And please don't kid yourself that by only smoking when your son was upstairs you weren't impacting his health - the smoke still travels all around the house.
**
Sorry, I didn’t phrase that well. It was out the back or with the door wide open. I didn't smoke in front of him or in the house.

I can't believe people are speaking to OP like this giving the reason she wants to have a cig or wanted. Don't you explain yourself to others OP it's nobody's business.

If I was on your shoes I would dam well smoke. Lots of people smoke it's ridiculous pulling OP apart over 1 potential cig. If I were you OP I would hide this thread!

The smoke will still get on your clothes.
Anyway as for this: Doesn’t want a flat tough you need a home if he doesn't like it he can f off.

YANBU for feeling it - you're stressed and you're used to smoking when stressed.

YWBVU to smoke - it won't help practically and it won't make you less stressed.

You need a new habit that you can use when feeling stressed because the sensation is going to come back.

Try deep breathing (have you got calm app or headspace app?) and find something else to do with your hands.

Well it is our business since OP chose to post it on a public forum...

Yanbu to want one

You'd be unreasonable to have one

And I'm someone who binge eats when I'm anxious and had gestational diabetes and spent many stressful experiences just wanting to cram cake in my mouth but I didn't, I had unsatisfying diabetic friendly alternatives instead. It was shite!

It's shite, being pregnant can be shite because you're not just considering yourself, have a cru, throw a pillow, do what you need to do to get past the craving, it will pass. I think the main issue is your partner not sympathizing because if I'd said to my husband, who is a naturally very healthy eater and doesn't over eat, I just want a whole packet of cookies to get through this, hed have said, I'm so sorry you're struggling and can't have what you want, is there anything you CAN have that might help? Then gotten me it. If your partner reacted like that is suspect you'd feel better.

I know smoking is highly addictive but isn't it a massive waste of money to smoke. Surely you and your partner should save that money for other things.

It sounds like your partner smokes too?

Are you familiar with Survivorship Bias?