8 months pregnant and I want a cigarette

[Boymamabee]

I’ve never been a heavy smoker - maybe two a day or a few puffs in the evening. I gave up as soon as I found out I was pregnant. Haven't smoked in eight months.

We’re facing homelessness. We’re on the housing list - silver band with additional preference but this will change two weeks before our contract is up.

Anyway, husband has no solutions. Says I’m selfish for suggesting we stay put if nothing comes us. Says I'm living in a fantasy world if I expect the council or H/A to home us. Doesn’t want a flat. Just being negative and moody with me. I lost it tonight, cried and said I wanted a cigarette. Just one or a few puffs because I'm so stressed. He went ballistic. Said I’m “absolutely not smoking“ and I might as well blow smoke in our 3-year-old’s face while I'm at it. I said I only wanted a few puffs because I feel so wound up and ultimately it’s my choice... He said, “what about our baby? He doesn't have a choice“. Said he couldn’t believe I was crying and wanting to smoke because I can’t handle a bit of stress. No attempt to comfort me at the time but did try and hug me half hour later.

He’s also told me off for drinking coffee (no more than two a day) in front of my mother. It didn’t go well for him.

AIBU for wanting one cigarette?

You’re not being unreasonable for feeling like you want one - I can understand why. But given you haven’t for 8 months would suggest holding out and not doing it. Have a glass of wine and a bath instead maybe?

Also 2 cups of coffee totally fine so that’s not cool to be told off.

Sounds really hard for you. Do you have a friend to talk to?

It's not helpful to say yabu or selfish.

There's plenty of things I wanted during pregnancy - I wanted a bloody hot bath, I have my baths scorching and I had to forgo them because it would be bad for the baby. I wanted a gin and tonic. I wanted to eat all sorts of things on the 'banned list'. I wanted to take nurofen for a headache! I wanted to drink caffeine in buckets. I wanted all the crutches I'd had before I was pregnant.

So yanbu OP for wanting a cigarette. But you absolutely shouldn't do it. You'll feel terrible about it, it will only make you crave another one - and you will end up in a horrible cycle of secret smoking and self loathing up until you deliver. And worse, you'll be wanting to smoke the moment baby is here.

You're having a craving. The craving is real but it will pass.

Yanbu for being stressed and wanting one though. You're human. But it won't make anything better even the tiniest bit if you cave.

I can see why you want to, fuck me, what a stressful situation. He’s not helping, let’s be honest. However - might one cigarette make it harder to not smoke tomorrow night, and the night after, and so on?

If so, I’d say it’s a bit of a risk. But I don’t know if you’re the sort of person who can smoke one and not smoke again. A lot of people struggle with that, once the seal is broken, it stays broken.

Also, huge well done to you for stopping for all these months. Takes a lot of mental strength, not everyone is as strong as you. I really hope you get your housing situation sorted and good luck with your bub.x

YANBU to be seriously stressed out and want one but you have done so amazingly well to quit through pregnancy - I know how hard it is so well done. Step away from this thread if you haven't already because thinking about it will make the craving worse, find something to do with your hands and something to do with your mouth (Chewing gums or boiled Sweets can work well) and breathe. Honestly it's not worth the guilt afterwards.

This.

I'm 9 months pregnant and haven't smoked since being pregnant, but I've recently suffered a bereavement at an already stressful time. I was in a complete state last night and just had 3 puffs of a cigarette. I didn't want anymore, but sometimes life is shit and you need a release. One cigarette will not harm a baby. There are plenty of people who smoke and drink all the way through pregnancy, it could be a lot worse.

My husband didn't judge or say a word because he understood.

I hope the urge has passed now. You've done so well, quitting is bloody HARD! It's not a ciggy that you really needed though, was it? They are sneaky little fuckers, making out that they're your best mates and will solve all your problems. Offering you a handhold just so they can get to your neurons and suck you back in. Ciggies are complete bastards like that.
I'd hate for you to start back up again and I can't help but feel the little bastards wouldn't have been whispering in your ear if DH was a bit more supportive. When things turn to shit, your partner is supposed to say 'Look, we'll get through this together'.

I'm so sorry you're going through this OP, and your DH is being a dickhead.

However please try your best to stay strong and not smoke. Smoking increases the carbon monoxide levels of baby, and nicotine narrows your blood vessels, including the uterus and spiral arteries supplying the baby. It means less nutrients get into the placenta and is why smoking is associated with smaller birth weights. It also has a proven effect on fetal blood pressure and heart rate.

While a few puffs once will be unlikely to do much, you'll beat yourself up and get more stressed afterwards. Anything goes wrong from here on out, you'll go back to the choice and wonder if you hadn't smoked would it still have happened.

Yabvu if you smoke while pregnant. Yanbu to just think about it. It's harming your unborn baby I am sure you are stronger than that.

Really good to see someone on here recognise the predicament of op and how hard it is to stop when you have an addiction.
Well done op. But please don’t do it if you can not iyswim. It’s not worth it as you won’t actually enjoy it and you’ll just feel really awful afterwards. I was once in a similar stressful situation and did have (half) a cig while pregnant and I just beat myself up for ages!!
Hope your situation improves soon.

Please don't, it's so harmful to your baby.

@inky1991 One cigarette will not harm a baby.

Every cigarette has over 4,000 chemicals and restricts oxygen supply to your baby. A study in the US found that smoking one cigarette whilst pregnant doubles the risk of SIDS.

I don't know how that is even helpful right now. Beat the people up that do it consistently throughout pregnant, not the people that had a few puffs once while under extreme emotional stress, and already feel guilty about it.

It's very easy for people to be sanctimonious when they've never smoked or had it as a crutch. Obviously smoking is bad for the baby, and you should never do it. It's better to be supportive than to scaremonger

You know you are. One will lead to two. Please don’t.

It's very easy for people to be sanctimonious when they've never smoked or had it as a crutch. Obviously smoking is bad for the baby, and you should never do it. It's better to be supportive than to scaremonger

I did smoke before getting pregnant with my first child and haven't had a cigarette since. Not worth the risk.

OP it's not worth it, one cigarette won't make you feel better and isn't worth the risk to your baby, it restricts their oxygen and their heart has to work faster whilst you're smoking

Yanbu for wanting a cigarette, you sound like you've a lot going on but I don't think smoking (or not ) is the biggest issue here.

One cigarette won't hurt.

What's your husband doing to help your current situation apart from shouting at you?

It won't help anything and it will only make you feel worse.
And then you will want "just one more" puff…
Put it out of your mind. You can't have it and that's that.

As above, yes one cigarette will hurt

Tbh, I would have one. No one on mumsnet would openly agree though.

even one is increasing the risk of SIDS and from the Tommy's website "When you smoke, your baby does too. Every cigarette contains 4,000 chemicals, which go into your lungs when you smoke. Once in your lungs, the nicotine, poisons and carbon monoxide cross the placenta to your baby."

It's incredibly selfish to knowingly do that to your baby even if it "just one".

Smoking during pregnancy is a big SIDS risk. Try your best not to do it. Just one sounds like low risk, but the floodgates will be open then.You could pop to the chemist and get a nicotine replacement product instead?

Your husband sounds pretty unpleasant though, I have to say.

Don’t do it OP. Treat yourself with something else like bar of choc or something. I understand. Make sure you seek support from relevant professional with your situation. It’s totally understandable how you are feeling. I used to be a smoker and totally get that craving when you’ve given up for a while but you are stressed. Now’s your chance to prove to yourself that you can do it and you will feel so proud of yourself when you don’t do it.

I hope the urge has passed and you are getting help.

Please talk to your midwife about the stress, the desire to smoke, the housing situation and the lack of support from your partner.

Shelter can help explain to your partner why it is a REALLY bad idea to make yourselves voluntarily homeless.

YANBU to ‘want’ it, everyone has their own coping mechanisms and your DH could have been a bit more empathetic.

But YWBU to actually have one, it’s not worth it. Just hold on, I hope things get better.