Page 2 | 8 months pregnant and I want a cigarette

Boymamabee · 2023-03-30T19:33:28+00:00

I’ve never been a heavy smoker - maybe two a day or a few puffs in the evening. I gave up as soon as I found out I was pregnant. Haven't smoked in eight months. We’re facing homelessness. We’re on the housing list - silver band with additional preference but this will change two weeks before our contract is up. Anyway, husband has no solutions. Says I’m selfish for suggesting we stay put if nothing comes us. Says I'm living in a fantasy world if I expect the council or H/A to home us. Doesn’t want a flat. Just being negative and moody with me. I lost it tonight, cried and said I wanted a cigarette. Just one or a few puffs because I'm so stressed. He went ballistic. Said I’m “absolutely not smoking“ and I might as well blow smoke in our 3-year-old’s face while I'm at it. I said I only wanted a few puffs because I feel so wound up and ultimately it’s my choice... He said, “what about our baby? He doesn't have a choice“. Said he couldn’t believe I was crying and wanting to smoke because I can’t handle a bit of stress. No attempt to comfort me at the time but did try and hug me half hour later. He’s also told me off for drinking coffee (no more than two a day) in front of my mother. It didn’t go well for him. AIBU for wanting one cigarette?

nomoremerlot · 30/03/2023 20:57

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 30/03/2023 20:56

I'd suggest if your dh was more supportive you wouldn't feel the stress you are feeling, and you wouldn't have the craving.

I'd suggest that smoking is an addiction.

MrNook · 30/03/2023 20:58

Said I’m “absolutely not smoking“ and I might as well blow smoke in our 3-year-old’s face while I'm at it. I said I only wanted a few puffs because I feel so wound up and ultimately it’s my choice... He said, “what about our baby? He doesn't have a choice“

I mean he sounds like a dick with the other stuff but he's not wrong here

JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon · 30/03/2023 21:03

Pinkflipflop85 · 30/03/2023 20:41

Yabu.

And selfish.

Oh fuck off.

She's venting about the fact she's having a craving for an addictive substance.

She hasn't had a cigarette.

How do you think your comment has helped her? It hasn't, you have just kicked her while she's down and added to her stress.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 30/03/2023 21:05

nomoremerlot · 30/03/2023 20:57

I'd suggest that smoking is an addiction.

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Which clearly she has demonstrated she can manage, by not smoking for 8 months. I'm not suggesting she actually smokes in my comment. I'm suggesting she look at why she wants to turn to a cigarette (because she clearly can't turn to her husband).

notasillysausage · 30/03/2023 21:06

Yanbu for feeling stressed and wanting a cigarette but you know it’s not good for the baby and I honestly think you will feel worse afterwards. Is there anything else that helps you unwind? It sounds like a horrible position for you all, sending positive thoughts for a solution.

IvyIvyIvy · 30/03/2023 21:08

Out of interest, does your partner smoke? Are there cigarettes in the house? Perhaps he should join you in the cigarette and coffee withdrawal out of support.

MrNook · 30/03/2023 21:10

IvyIvyIvy · 30/03/2023 21:08

Out of interest, does your partner smoke? Are there cigarettes in the house? Perhaps he should join you in the cigarette and coffee withdrawal out of support.

I assume he doesn't if he suggested she might as well blow smoke in the 3 year olds face

Original poster

Boymamabee · 30/03/2023 21:13

Out of interest, does your partner smoke? Are there cigarettes in the house? Perhaps he should join you in the cigarette and coffee withdrawal out of support.

No, he absolutely hates smoking.

OP posts:

Mothertess · 30/03/2023 21:19

Norriscolesbag · 30/03/2023 20:41

For goodness sake it’s one cigarette, you all need to get a grip. OP you’ve done brilliantly to give up instantly for 8 months- most people make a right drama out of giving up.

I say this as someone who literally hates smoking.

I agree with this!
Baby is practically fully cooked and a cigarette will be fine. Yanbu

I quit when trying to get pregnant with both my boys, continued after my first was born like you only in the evenings when he was asleep in bed and I was outside, then half way through my 2nd pregnancy had enormous stress and events happening and started smoking again. Felt incredibly guilty but I felt i needed it to cope, he's a perfectly healthy 1 year old. Sorry your husband is an asshole and you're facing homelessness. If its something you feel you need for you then you can do it if you want to. X

ButterCrackers · 30/03/2023 21:25

Smoking won't solve your problems. You have been smoke free for 8 months. Your health will be better for this and will continue to be better if you stay smoke free.

MumOf2workOptions · 30/03/2023 21:25

dryingontheradiatior · 30/03/2023 20:39

You are absolutely being unreasonable.

A cigarette won't help your situation in any way shape or form.

I agree

I know it's a very stressful situation but this isn't the solution

Focus on house hunting look online and get emailing some agents

IvyIvyIvy · 30/03/2023 21:26

At least he's not puffing away then...and he wants the best for you and the kids.....even if he isn't expressing it well. Stay off the cigarettes op- you can do it- find your favourite snack instead (chocolate?). Exercise can really help both with pregnancy and with stress so try and get some walks in if you can over the coming days and the world will seem a better place.

5128gap · 30/03/2023 21:26

If you haven't smoked for 8 months you'll feel sick as a dog if you have one now. You won't feel less stressed either, it will just be 5 minutes comfort after which your problems will still be there, plus guilt over smoking while pregnant. It will also likely escalate into just one every time you're stressed and I bet you don't want that.
Go outside and inhale the fresh air for as long as you'd take to smoke. The break from the room with your husband and the time on your own breathing in and out will help calm you.

Kanaloa · 30/03/2023 21:29

IvyIvyIvy · 30/03/2023 21:26

At least he's not puffing away then...and he wants the best for you and the kids.....even if he isn't expressing it well. Stay off the cigarettes op- you can do it- find your favourite snack instead (chocolate?). Exercise can really help both with pregnancy and with stress so try and get some walks in if you can over the coming days and the world will seem a better place.

I mean this in the nicest way possible but when you’re in these desperate situations it can be so frustrating to be told ‘take some walks! Then everything will feel better!’ She’s pregnant, presumably really struggling financially, and about to be homeless, with a husband who does not sound at all like he wants the best for all of them. I don’t think a walk will really turn it all around. Neither will a cigarette, mind, but still.

ButterCrackers · 30/03/2023 21:29

Mothertess · 30/03/2023 21:19

I agree with this!
Baby is practically fully cooked and a cigarette will be fine. Yanbu

I quit when trying to get pregnant with both my boys, continued after my first was born like you only in the evenings when he was asleep in bed and I was outside, then half way through my 2nd pregnancy had enormous stress and events happening and started smoking again. Felt incredibly guilty but I felt i needed it to cope, he's a perfectly healthy 1 year old. Sorry your husband is an asshole and you're facing homelessness. If its something you feel you need for you then you can do it if you want to. X

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The baby doesn’t have a choice on getting the drugged effect of nicotine. Why do this to a baby? How selfish to just think of yourself and not your unborn child. Same when born as there’s second and third hand smoke. It’s a known health issue.

QueenAstrid · 30/03/2023 21:29

Norriscolesbag · 30/03/2023 20:41

For goodness sake it’s one cigarette, you all need to get a grip. OP you’ve done brilliantly to give up instantly for 8 months- most people make a right drama out of giving up.

I say this as someone who literally hates smoking.

This

LottiePa · 30/03/2023 21:32

OP - I sorry to say this as I hate judgey people commenting when you’re pregnant but please don’t smoke (and try to limit your caffeine to one coffee a day)

My son was born at 34 weeks by emergency C-Section. He nearly died.

He spent 4 weeks in NICU

The way he was born and his NICU stay nearly broke me and I did everything right in my pregnancy and that still happened - but I know if I had a sip of wine, a puff of a cigarette, more caffeine than I should a day and I had that happen, I would blame myself for it and never be able to forgive myself.

I’m sorry you’re going through such a difficult time but please don’t do this to your baby. You have a month to go. Hold on for your Son. Put him first.

ChickenDhansak82 · 30/03/2023 21:32

I get why you're feeling frustrated as I'd feel the same regarding the housing but I'm not sure why you have an urge to starve your baby of oxygen. That's just sick.

LuvSmallDogs · 30/03/2023 21:34

ButterCrackers · 30/03/2023 21:29

The baby doesn’t have a choice on getting the drugged effect of nicotine. Why do this to a baby? How selfish to just think of yourself and not your unborn child. Same when born as there’s second and third hand smoke. It’s a known health issue.

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Babies don't have any say in whether their mothers are obese or having geriatric pregnancies, which carry higher risks to baby too - a damn sight more than one fag at 8 months gone, I'd bet. But MN dgaf about those.

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/03/2023 21:35

There are times I'd pay a thousand pounds to have a risk-free cigarette. Gave up decades ago because there are no risk-free cigarettes. You can want one, just don't actually have it.

And your parter is an arsehole.

Allmyarseandpeggymartin · 30/03/2023 21:37

Oh op I sympathise but it won’t be just one will it? That’s the way addiction works

ItsCalledAConversation · 30/03/2023 21:37

Honestly after 8 months it’ll taste like an ashtray, will make you feel sick and you’ll regret it straight after.

I’ve hit YABU less for the smoking and more because your DP sounds like a bit of a nasty piece of work. Is he usually moody and controlling or have I got that wrong?

ifeelimgoingmad · 30/03/2023 21:39

Yanbu at all. As someone who smoked prior to finding out I was pregnant it’s one of the things I really miss. I quit instantly but it was horrible and I’ve had multiple cravings of wanting one.

It’s an addiction and something I always used to calm my stress levels down, now I have to settle for a cuppa and fresh air and although I’ve not given in to the cravings, I get them terribly just now!

NannyGythaOgg · 30/03/2023 21:40

Of course you are not being unreasonable.

I suspect that you wouldn't enjoy it and one puff would be more than enough but a single cigarette is neither here not there as regards your baby's health.

Similarly, or even more so, a glass of wine (or similar). If your mother didn't have one or the other during their pregnancy it is completely likely that their Mum did once - or even regularly. In most cases it won't (and didn't) make the slighest bit of difference.

However, much as I believe it won't, there may come a time (during birth or childhood) your baby has a problem of some sort. Whilst I would not have linked it to anything I did whilst pregnant, you probably would - so????

ButterCrackers · 30/03/2023 21:41

LuvSmallDogs · 30/03/2023 21:34

Babies don't have any say in whether their mothers are obese or having geriatric pregnancies, which carry higher risks to baby too - a damn sight more than one fag at 8 months gone, I'd bet. But MN dgaf about those.

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The topic is smoking in pregnancy. I don’t know if the poster is obese or an older mother. You bring up obese and older so perhaps you want to ask the poster about these issues. Smoking is a known health risk. This is the situation of the post. It’s best to not smoke as per all health advice.