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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I just want to be rich

121 replies

Champagneandricecakes · 30/03/2023 20:24

I just do.

I was never materialistic, never really thought like this, looking back I never thought about a career to make money or to look for a partner with ambition/good career/ability to make money. I know so many women/friends who did…I didn’t think of any of it.
I’m 45 now, I’ve had a good career (teacher) and it’s been fulfilling, but hard work and is clearly not a high paid job.
When I had Dd, it kicked in more..this feeling of wanting to have more money, I’d love her to go to private school, have horseriding and piano lessons etc. She has a wonderful life and I work hard for her to have so many lovely things and a lovely lifestyle, but it leaves nothing for me.
I live abroad in a very wealthy area-multimillion euro villas, international schools, nice cars etc and I suppose being around it so much, really highlights it.
I nevet thought this way when younger, but wish I’d done things differently. I now see the difference in being able to afford private healthcare, dental care, great education, flexibility in working, time and freedom in your life etc etc

OP posts:
Original poster
Champagneandricecakes · 30/03/2023 20:25

*Never

OP posts:
BMW6 · 30/03/2023 20:28

What's your AIBU?

Just about everyone would like to be wealthy! Why wouldn't you?

Greentree1 · 30/03/2023 20:34

Doesn't everyone in a way? Usually just a bit better off than you are now but ultimately much better off. We are definitely much better off than we were, initially (absolutely broke) saved as much as we could over a lot of years, but I now do wonder why, other people (friends) spent, spent, spent and can now rely on benefits, would I do the frugal thing again not sure.

rattlinbog · 30/03/2023 20:36

I think the key is to be friends with people at your level of wealth (or slightly below!) so you don't feel jealous.
But yes I'd love to be rich! There's so much of the world I want to see.

Original poster
Champagneandricecakes · 30/03/2023 20:40

@rattlinbog Thats the thing, all
around me is mainly wealthy people, friends etc, so it really highlights it. If I
returned back to the U.K., I’m sure it wouldn’t be like this. But I can’t help thinking, why them, not me! They’re clearly better as they’ve made lots of money

OP posts:
BluebellBlueballs · 30/03/2023 20:40

As I've got older I've seen my brothers get rich and ill admit to being a bit envious.

One is getting a bonus of 150k after tax next month. His basic is double that. Ludicrous money.

The other is on 200k a year.

I'm in a reasonably paid job for a mortal with a husband who works part time and we manage but it's just worlds away from their lives.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 30/03/2023 20:42

That is actually one of the reasons why I didn't have children.

I knew that I would never be able to send them to private school.

rattlinbog · 30/03/2023 20:45

BluebellBlueballs · 30/03/2023 20:40

As I've got older I've seen my brothers get rich and ill admit to being a bit envious.

One is getting a bonus of 150k after tax next month. His basic is double that. Ludicrous money.

The other is on 200k a year.

I'm in a reasonably paid job for a mortal with a husband who works part time and we manage but it's just worlds away from their lives.

I totally get this. My siblings are younger but are either set to earn millions or are with a partner that will inherit loads. Just a different world!

Cherrybl0ssm · 30/03/2023 20:51

They are not better. They are either lucky, inherited, choose careers that are lucrative.
I live in a world like this. It’s not all roses.
There are a lot of divorces, unhappiness, materialism and keeping up with the Jones. Neglected children - do you see this at the international school. The neglect is just hidden by money so it’s not so clear to see.

Hesma · 30/03/2023 20:52

Your point is…???

yutub · 30/03/2023 20:53

I realised this is what I wanted. I fell in and out of love with the idea of doing a job that was not about maximising earning potentials...a job that makes a difference to people.

But then I realised I would have to work hard either way and life is expensive, especially the life I aspire to. I also realised that perhaps I can make a difference in other ways. Like not be an arsehole to people and always be a listening ear for whoever needs it. Or do volunteering at weekends etc.

I'm happy with my decision. If you're going to have to work your arse off anyway, why would you not try to maximise your earnings by picking a career path that allows it ? Unless of course your drive comes from making a difference in the world with your work.

I feel sorry for people who do a job they don't even like or care about for little money.

I don't care about my job and a lot of what I do, I don't enjoy. But when I see my bank account, I'm happy again and it makes it worth it. Shallow perhaps, but it's the truth and I'm glad I realised early I was this way.

So I understand OP- I also just want to be rich and richer. Smile

ssd · 30/03/2023 20:55

I don't know anyone who wants to be poorer....

Original poster
Champagneandricecakes · 30/03/2023 20:56

@yutub I went for the job all about making a difference and I adored it and was happy. However, when I had my Dd five years ago, it all changed, I didn’t/don’t want to work and now it’s all just about the money. Exactly what you say, if we’re having to spend our time working anyway, I want it to make a huge difference to our lives, to my Dds lives. My work is sometimes taking my time away from her and I hate it, at least if I was making lots of money for us, it would help a bit.

OP posts:
Kendodd · 30/03/2023 20:59

You should just come back to the UK OP, it's been turned into the land of food banks and poverty, no rich people to compare yourself with.

Farmageddon · 30/03/2023 21:01

Champagneandricecakes · 30/03/2023 20:56

@yutub I went for the job all about making a difference and I adored it and was happy. However, when I had my Dd five years ago, it all changed, I didn’t/don’t want to work and now it’s all just about the money. Exactly what you say, if we’re having to spend our time working anyway, I want it to make a huge difference to our lives, to my Dds lives. My work is sometimes taking my time away from her and I hate it, at least if I was making lots of money for us, it would help a bit.

So maybe what you really want is more quality time to spend with your daughter...
Yes more money could make that happen, but not necessarily if it meant you were in a high paid high stress job, you might have less time with her.

Is there a way you can restructure your life to be able to have more time with her? Do you really think she is going to hold it against you when she's older that you didn't send her to private school?

Maybe move away from the super duper wealthy and get a different perspective. Or find a rich man to marry...probably not all it's cracked up to be though.

Cosmos123 · 30/03/2023 21:03

Champagneandricecakes · 30/03/2023 20:24

I just do.

I was never materialistic, never really thought like this, looking back I never thought about a career to make money or to look for a partner with ambition/good career/ability to make money. I know so many women/friends who did…I didn’t think of any of it.
I’m 45 now, I’ve had a good career (teacher) and it’s been fulfilling, but hard work and is clearly not a high paid job.
When I had Dd, it kicked in more..this feeling of wanting to have more money, I’d love her to go to private school, have horseriding and piano lessons etc. She has a wonderful life and I work hard for her to have so many lovely things and a lovely lifestyle, but it leaves nothing for me.
I live abroad in a very wealthy area-multimillion euro villas, international schools, nice cars etc and I suppose being around it so much, really highlights it.
I nevet thought this way when younger, but wish I’d done things differently. I now see the difference in being able to afford private healthcare, dental care, great education, flexibility in working, time and freedom in your life etc etc

Have you posted similar in the past?
Your post sound familiar....
Oh and everyone one wants the best for their child but it is what it is.
Learn to appreciate what you have.

Angelonthewall · 30/03/2023 21:05

Cherrybl0ssm · 30/03/2023 20:51

They are not better. They are either lucky, inherited, choose careers that are lucrative.
I live in a world like this. It’s not all roses.
There are a lot of divorces, unhappiness, materialism and keeping up with the Jones. Neglected children - do you see this at the international school. The neglect is just hidden by money so it’s not so clear to see.

I live amongst wealth - there are very few divorces, parents are over-invested, slightly to very pushy - I don't see much evidence of neglect - occasionally there were parents who apparently paid and gave their kids massive gifts to compensate for never being there - I didn't meet any of them. And yes they did choose careers that were lucrative but they still work very long hours.

MagicCat83 · 30/03/2023 21:08

I'm an accountant and I have a number of self made millionaires as clients and I have a few observations.

When you have no money, you fantasise about having loads for the ease of life it provides. Totally get that.

Once you have got money, you don't want to lose it. So you want to put it somewhere safe. Even putting it somewhere risky-ish doesn't give great returns, especially as, if you're fairly young you have to think about inflation - ie you can't really put £1m in the bank and expect to live a good life off the £40k (4%) interest forever. £40k won't be worth too much in 20 years.

So you have this pot of money, which is great. But you don't want to spend it, don't want to lose it, and it's likely not the final solution to all things money as inflation is knawing away at it.

So you have all that worry and realisation that the couple of million you made isn't as good as you imagined. Plus, because your a millionaire now, you bought a nice house and want a nice car so your bills have gone up. So the investment returns on what you invest definitely isn't going to cut it.

Ultimately, you carry on hunting for some way of bringing money in. Such as work of some sort. It can bring in a decent amount vs interest/rent or whatever, and it can increase by inflation (at least to some degree) and it saves depleting your cash pile at a youngish age (anything pre 50s young from this POV).

All in, those I know who have made a few mil are not retired and chilling out living on the investment returns. They are still doing some kind of work and have decisions and worries and work in relation to the cash pile they have (or whatever assets they have put it into).

Sure, it is way better than having no money, but a few mil isn't quite as magical as many people imagine. Just my perspective, anyway.

Dracuuule · 30/03/2023 21:09

BluebellBlueballs · 30/03/2023 20:40

As I've got older I've seen my brothers get rich and ill admit to being a bit envious.

One is getting a bonus of 150k after tax next month. His basic is double that. Ludicrous money.

The other is on 200k a year.

I'm in a reasonably paid job for a mortal with a husband who works part time and we manage but it's just worlds away from their lives.

what kind of jobs do people do to earn this kind of money??

WishIWasACavewoman · 30/03/2023 21:11

I agree OP. And feel pretty undermined by the prevalent narrative when I was in my career-defining years, that doing meaningful work which aligned with your values left you richer than soulless buck-chasing. I would feel more enriched by more downtime and the ability to upgrade our quality of life.

I went into science and the NGO sector, met amazing people, did fulfilling, emotionally and intellectually engaging work. My sister went into banking compliance law, was very dismissive of it, her bonus was a third of my annual salary, married a rich finance guy, had children and didn't have to work for 18 years. Now we're both in our 50s, I'm run ragged in a 30s semi trying to support my family and she's retraining part time in a glorious country spread with 4 holidays a year and loads of luxuries and leisure time.

I would do it differently If I could do it again, earn more, be more aware of the role of ambition in the long term happiness of relationships, and donate to charity out of a larger disposable income.

RosesInWater · 30/03/2023 21:13

Money doesn't make you happy, but it allows you to be miserable in comfort. I think it was Spike Milligan who said that or similar.

And of course there is the "envy is the thief of joy" statement, which I kind of agree with too.

Anyway a lot of outwardly wealthy people are vulgar in showing it off, new money darling. Old money wear threadbare clothes and drive beat up cars and wait for their penny change always.

There are only so many Prada or whatever handbags you can buy, you only use one room at a time in a huge house, there are only so many holidays you can have until you are bored rigid with them, and so on.

The only things I think worth having with money are privacy and security, everything else is just not necessary and is either a drain on old moneyed resources or is blatant blinging it for attention.

I am not rich but I am not poor either. Happy with my lot and honestly I don't care what anyone else has or does, as long as they are good friends and family members.

There are no pockets in a shroud anyway.

Yuja · 30/03/2023 21:18

I used to be a teacher, and then I watched my husband's earnings fly past mine in the corporate world and wanted it too. Seeing as teaching was way less rewarding than I had anticipated I did a turn and joined the corporate world. 6 years on I'm substantially wealthier and happy with my lifestyle so no yanbu .

Eurydice84 · 30/03/2023 21:18

IMustDoMoreExercise · 30/03/2023 20:42

That is actually one of the reasons why I didn't have children.

I knew that I would never be able to send them to private school.

There are plenty of valid reasons not to have DC but this one seems rather questionable....

IMustDoMoreExercise · 30/03/2023 21:21

Eurydice84 · 30/03/2023 21:18

There are plenty of valid reasons not to have DC but this one seems rather questionable....

Show quote history

Why? There is no way I would want my child to go to a normal comp and I knwo that I wouldn't be able to afford to live near a good comp or a grammar school.

Eurydice84 · 30/03/2023 21:24

IMustDoMoreExercise · 30/03/2023 21:21

Why? There is no way I would want my child to go to a normal comp and I knwo that I wouldn't be able to afford to live near a good comp or a grammar school.

Show quote history

You mentioned specifically "private school". But in any case, I think this country is slightly obsessed with school rankings and a very unequal tiered system. It's a very sad state of affairs for the education world if people base their reproductive choices based on ability to pay school fees.