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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I just want to be rich

121 replies

Champagneandricecakes · 30/03/2023 20:24

I just do.

I was never materialistic, never really thought like this, looking back I never thought about a career to make money or to look for a partner with ambition/good career/ability to make money. I know so many women/friends who did…I didn’t think of any of it.
I’m 45 now, I’ve had a good career (teacher) and it’s been fulfilling, but hard work and is clearly not a high paid job.
When I had Dd, it kicked in more..this feeling of wanting to have more money, I’d love her to go to private school, have horseriding and piano lessons etc. She has a wonderful life and I work hard for her to have so many lovely things and a lovely lifestyle, but it leaves nothing for me.
I live abroad in a very wealthy area-multimillion euro villas, international schools, nice cars etc and I suppose being around it so much, really highlights it.
I nevet thought this way when younger, but wish I’d done things differently. I now see the difference in being able to afford private healthcare, dental care, great education, flexibility in working, time and freedom in your life etc etc

OP posts:
Peppadog · 31/03/2023 20:09

FFS not having children because you can't send them to private school 🙄 is that because you don't want them mixing with poor people? Heaven forbid.

This is a really depressing thread actually. One observation I've made in life is that some people are generally happy and upbeat and some people are generally discontented and miserable, and it is very rarely linked to the amount of money they have.

Wonnle · 31/03/2023 20:13

It's not all it's cracked up to be !

Mixkle · 31/03/2023 20:19

I get it OP.

When I was at school I thought £30k was a high salary. Meanwhile elsewhere families more worldly than mine were explaining to their kids that some people have million pound salaries and these are achievable if you play everything right from age 14 ie go into banking / law / management consultancy / tech.

I do wish I’d known that.

And yeah some may say ‘money doesn’t buy happiness’ and of course it doesn’t but it does buy private healthcare and given people are dying on NHS waiting lists that is a big deal.

Blueisthecolour1 · 31/03/2023 20:21

Past a certain point money doesn’t make you any happier. But, on the flip side as my mum would say, “it’s easier to cry in a Mercedes than on a bike.”

RunningFromInsanity · 31/03/2023 20:24

There’s not a single problem in my life right now that money wouldn’t solve.

JamSandle · 31/03/2023 20:32

Blueisthecolour1 · 31/03/2023 20:21

Past a certain point money doesn’t make you any happier. But, on the flip side as my mum would say, “it’s easier to cry in a Mercedes than on a bike.”

It's not even about being happier for many. Just about being able to survive.

SeeWhatYouGetWhenYouAskAStupidQuestion · 31/03/2023 20:34

You'd like to be wealthy?

I'd like to have enough money to be able to have the heating on, to be able to afford all my direct debits, and also to be in good health

Blueisthecolour1 · 31/03/2023 20:38

The point is though, you take your content or discontent with you no matter what your bank balance is. Like the poster up thread whose multi-millionaire client is permanently dissatisfied with everything. Would you want his life? Probably not. I wouldn’t, for sure.

Happiness, or contentment is a far more elusive quality & the studies on what makes us happy are numerous & varied but they all concede on a few simple points:

1 - the quality of our personal relationships
&, most importantly, the fact that levels of happiness are DIRECTLY related to how much time we spend with those we love and who love us in turn.

There are other factors, our ability to give something back & feel part of a supportive, helpful wider system with a collective meaning, & good physical routines in terms of how much exercise we do. But loving relationships & time spent with those people come out way on top as the major influencing factor. You could be a millionaire & depressed if you didn’t have anyone to love/loves you back.

humblemeep · 31/03/2023 21:02

Blueisthecolour1 · 31/03/2023 20:38

The point is though, you take your content or discontent with you no matter what your bank balance is. Like the poster up thread whose multi-millionaire client is permanently dissatisfied with everything. Would you want his life? Probably not. I wouldn’t, for sure.

Happiness, or contentment is a far more elusive quality & the studies on what makes us happy are numerous & varied but they all concede on a few simple points:

1 - the quality of our personal relationships
&, most importantly, the fact that levels of happiness are DIRECTLY related to how much time we spend with those we love and who love us in turn.

There are other factors, our ability to give something back & feel part of a supportive, helpful wider system with a collective meaning, & good physical routines in terms of how much exercise we do. But loving relationships & time spent with those people come out way on top as the major influencing factor. You could be a millionaire & depressed if you didn’t have anyone to love/loves you back.

But for some of us more money would mean putting the heating on, eating healthily, being able to go on holiday to destress etc. I don't necessarily want to be a millionaire, but if I could afford my own home, a decent car (by that I mean a reliable one, not a jag!), and yeah as someone mentioned private healthcare because I doubt we'll have the NHS much longer and what we do have is killing people.

Coyoacan · 31/03/2023 21:05

Sorry, OP, but I'm glad you are not teaching any child of mine as you seem to think that money = virtue and happiness. Your values are totally off.

A dear friend of mine brought her son up among millionaires and he ended up believing that he was poor and hard done by even though he has a better life than 99.9% of the population.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 31/03/2023 21:16

Mojoj · 31/03/2023 20:01

Yeah because private school is all that would stand between them and a life of endless riches....🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Where did I say that? I said I would have wanted my kids to go to a private school to get a good education. Nothing about them being rich.

BitchBrigade · 31/03/2023 21:16

In before "Remember everyone, money can't buy happiness".

95% of my problems would be solved if I was rich, so fuck off with that BS. the other 5% I would at least have a chance of solving after being able to skip the 5 year long Mental Health service waiting list for a proper diagnosis without being pushed around from pillar to post, Therapy, medication when I need it etc etc.

"bUt YoU sEe It AlL tHe TiMe" - no. You see a small percentage of rich people killing themselves etc. who are largely in the public eye. Bugger off with this bullshit. It doesn't make the poor feel better and it's insulting to their intelligence.

Champagneandricecakes · 31/03/2023 21:19

@SeeWhatYouGetWhenYouAskAStupidQuestion Those things apply to me also

OP posts:
Lcb123 · 31/03/2023 21:21

ok - but I don’t think it’s healthy to live always wanting more. Being content with your existing good fortune and privilege is a healthy way to live

IMustDoMoreExercise · 31/03/2023 21:23

Eurydice84 · 30/03/2023 21:24

You mentioned specifically "private school". But in any case, I think this country is slightly obsessed with school rankings and a very unequal tiered system. It's a very sad state of affairs for the education world if people base their reproductive choices based on ability to pay school fees.

But education is the most important thing for me.

I remember speaking to my GP in the 1990s (when you were able to chat to GPs as there was not time pressure).

I said that I did not want to have children as I could not afford to give them a decent education. I said that as a GP she could send her child to private school or move within the catchment area of a good school. I told her that I was unable to afford do either of these things.

superplumb · 31/03/2023 21:25

Mixkle · 31/03/2023 20:19

I get it OP.

When I was at school I thought £30k was a high salary. Meanwhile elsewhere families more worldly than mine were explaining to their kids that some people have million pound salaries and these are achievable if you play everything right from age 14 ie go into banking / law / management consultancy / tech.

I do wish I’d known that.

And yeah some may say ‘money doesn’t buy happiness’ and of course it doesn’t but it does buy private healthcare and given people are dying on NHS waiting lists that is a big deal.

Agree. Wish someone told me when I was young to buckle down and get good at something which would make money

fitnessmummy · 31/03/2023 21:28

You are incredibly rich already, the saddest thing is you don't realise it.

Coyoacan · 31/03/2023 23:21

@BitchBrigade

95% of my problems would be solved if I was rich, so fuck off with that BS. the other 5% I would at least have a chance of solving after being able to skip the 5 year long Mental Health service waiting list for a proper diagnosis without being pushed around from pillar to post, Therapy, medication when I need it etc etc.

You are explaining why money would solve your problems and that is fair enough. We all need enough money. But the OP just wants money for the sake of money and believes that it is a sign of a person's worth, that is what I object to.

The other thing that be the undoing of something like me is that I find solving life's problems keeps me alive and distracted. I am never more depressed than when I don't have any tangible problems.

Champagneandricecakes · 31/03/2023 23:24

@Coyoacan Do I?! 😂

OP posts:
Liebig · 01/04/2023 01:11

superplumb · 31/03/2023 21:25

Agree. Wish someone told me when I was young to buckle down and get good at something which would make money

That's not how life works. I know plenty of people who fell into or inherited a well paid career or job, and I know others who work far harder than then combined who are paid mediocre wages.

Your drive is certainly something to appreciate, but your results will depend entirely on random chance after an extent. It's like the millionaires and billionaires who genuinely believe that anyone can emulate their success if they just hustle and work on it for as long as it takes. These people never got survivorship bias and never will, because it's easier to assume filthy poors = feckless and stupid. Not like them, the self-made rich.

Liebig · 01/04/2023 01:12

BitchBrigade · 31/03/2023 21:16

In before "Remember everyone, money can't buy happiness".

95% of my problems would be solved if I was rich, so fuck off with that BS. the other 5% I would at least have a chance of solving after being able to skip the 5 year long Mental Health service waiting list for a proper diagnosis without being pushed around from pillar to post, Therapy, medication when I need it etc etc.

"bUt YoU sEe It AlL tHe TiMe" - no. You see a small percentage of rich people killing themselves etc. who are largely in the public eye. Bugger off with this bullshit. It doesn't make the poor feel better and it's insulting to their intelligence.

The rich need to kill themselves off faster so they stop being a thing at all.

Carouselfish · 01/04/2023 01:59

If it helps:
Everyone I know who is significantly rich is miserable. They can only trust other rich people. They are terribly mean with their money. They are basically buying and doing the same things as people with less money but more expensive versions. A lot of the time they are trying to think of things to buy because they don't know what to do with what they've got. A lot of their friends are cronies who are in it for what they can get (free house on land, free trips, good tables at restaurants and rooms in hotels - this is partly due to fame as well as money) - they are yes-men who you can't trust to tell the truth.
I think being just rich enough to have the clothes and holidays you want is plenty, really.

flowerpot258 · 01/04/2023 02:21

Everyone would like to have more money but money isn't everything. Focus on being happy and enjoying life.

Iflyaway · 01/04/2023 02:51

I’d love her to go to private school, have horseriding and piano lessons etc

OP, many highly successful people in the world have never had any of these things.

Personally, I blame the English class system for this kind of warped thinking.

You can only do the best you can in life and that includes instilling that into your kids. Better to be kind and confident in life than running roughshod over others.

Iflyaway · 01/04/2023 03:13

I said I would have wanted my kids to go to a private school to get a good education.

I think that is an insult to every teacher who teaches in a state school. 99% of them are doing an amazing job. Teachers in public schools too of course.
It's not "either or".

It's a fact that there are many more "rich" and successful people in Britain who have been through state education than those who went through private.

You only have to look at anyone in sport, music, theatre, commerce, etc. etc.
Stormzy comes to mind.

There's millionaires who left school at 15!

Don't tie yourself up in a box of your own making.