If you were bullied at school/if you were the school bully....

[DilemmaADay]

If you were bullied at school, have the perpetrators ever been in contact to apologise, or have you bumped into them years later?

If you were the school bully, why did you do it and have you tried to make amends?

I was bullied and have heard stories of bullies growing up years later and messaging people they hurt to apologise. When Facebook became popular when I was at uni, I had everyone on there from school. I waited a few years to see if anyone would reach out and they appeared to be getting on with their lives without a care in the world. I blocked all of them when I hit 30, as the lack of apology was making me feel bitter and blocking was much more cathartic.

I was bullied relentlessly from 10 years old until I went to Sixth Form College, and not one of the bullies has ever tried to get in touch or apologise. Nor have any of the people who looked on and did nothing.

I was bullied they never apologised. But school is a distant memory and I went to the local college and met the loveliest people afterwards.

I got a missed call from one and she left a voice mail apologising.

I didnt reply.

Not sure how she got my number.

I saw her once after that and no mention was made as I was working.

One of my other bullies I saw her while at university and I tried to act as though nothing had happened, maybe overcompensated with the cheerfulness. Again she acted as though nothing had happened.
But in the end decided- fuck this! And didnt bother keeping in touch.

I was bullied for 4 years. Egged, spat on, had fake valentines cards sent to me, boys pretend to fancy me on her instruction, fights arranged on my behalf, used tampons put in my locker, my cat - my only friend - threatened (once I looked out my window and saw her holding my cat by its scruff swinging it about), my hair cut in class, my glasses stamped on...my mum tried so hard to get the school to do something, a lot of the time i didn't tell anyone what was going on.

Not many things have given me greater pleasure in life than having her recognise me outside a shop on my way to my car, and she asked if I was heading towards the town centre because her taxi had let her down and she was late for visiting hours to see her dying gran in the hospital and I said yes I am, got in my car, and drove off before she could open the door, leaving her standing there looking confused.

I love being reminded of that day. Last I heard she was a Spice head. Excellent.

I saw my bully from high school in the pub about 10 years after we left school. She tried to start where she left off and I laughed in her face.

It wasn't really cathartic though. Inside I felt the same panic as I did when I was 13 so I'd rather never have seen her again.

She has a really pretty dreadful life. Again, not in any way a consolation tbh.

Was bullied in primary by 1 girl for about 2 weeks. One day she decided to hit me because i won a game! I hit her back fucking hard ( yes may be wrong) she never touched me or said anything horrible again in fact she tried to be friends

Then regrettably once in seniors i called a girl a munter, no idea why but i stilk remeber it vividly and still feel bad when i think about it. Even though were great friends 30+years later!

I think a lot of people have different memories of school - I remember chatting with one girl I went to school with as we worked together and she remembered people being mean to me but in her memory she wasn’t part of it, whereas actually she was the one who came up with a very mean nickname for me.

Apologies would mean absolutely nothing to me. Bullies made my life hell, apologies don't change that, and I wouldn't believe them.

My bully was the classic type. Isolated me and turned my friends against me. Daily, relentless meanness and intimidation. She died young and I was glad when I found out.

Some really brave people here 💐sorry for what you went through. Well done @Megifer x

I was bullied and nobody ever apologised.

My DH bullied a couple of people and apologised to them both around the age of 18. They both accepted his apology and regularly speak to him in the street, we are in our 30s now.

I'm in touch, via SM, with some of the people who picked on me at school.

I was very badly bullied indeed - sexual assault, rumour spreading, name calling etc.

I'm certainly not in touch with the worst tormentors and they certainly never apologised. One of them, a male, turned out to be a psychopath and career criminal.

I'm in touch with some of the "bitchy" girls. We are friends now. Oddly, they all have positive memories of me?!

I saw my bully at a bus stop - probably about 8/9 years after leaving school. I can't repeat what I actually said to her as MN might implode but suffice to say it was clear my life was better than hers now and I let her know it.

What a revolting person she sounds - a true sadist.

Dh was terribly bullied for over 4 years and still re lives things often.
It was always a group, he was small shy etc
They would jump him at the park. Steal his bike, bag etc.
One day he had enough, they were at the top of a fire escape stairwell and started on him pushing from behind etc.
Saying ' come on come on fight us' 5 of them!
He turned around squared up to the biggest lad and shoved him, who happened to end up backwards down the stairs.
They never bullied him after that.

Yeah she's dead, karma. She was a nasty piece of work tbh.

I came to say most school bullies don’t realise that what they did was bullying. I was thinking of the low level teasing and fallouts that went too far ( usually with people being socially excluded from their usual friendship group for a while). They are the types of bullying I remember from school.

God was I wrong, I’m so sorry for what you went through @Megifer and anyone else who was bullied.

I was bullied in secondary school. No apologies, wouldn't really expect them to reach out tbh.
I do remember one girl who used to bully me smiling and waving enthusiastically at an event about 5 years after we left school- a mutual friend told me she was upset I had blanked her and hadnt waved back.
I think some people have different memories of school and perhaps have forgotten or don't realise the impact of their behaviour.
I wouldn't expect an apology. I would just forget them and concentrate on leading happy life with the people who love and appreciate you.

I bumped into the person that bullied me horrendously at an ATM about 15 years after we left school.

She asked there and then if we could go somewhere for a drink, I said yes - we went to the nearest cafe and had coffee, she apologised, cried, and said how she treated me plagued her for her whole life.

It wasn't so much the bullying as the inaction and even collusion of the teachers - especially the games teachers (I was shit at sports). They can all fuck off. There are some great stories of people standing up to bullies. I never managed it and have hated myself ever since for not doing so, I trusted the adults and they ignored me.

I was bullied from 7 until about 15. I doubt the people who bullied me even realised they were bullies. I suspect they felt completely justified in trying to discipline my behaviour, and would say they were just 'taking me down a peg or two' because I thought I was better than them.

I was better than them; they bullied me physically and verbally.

I was bullied every day for over 10 years. I had a characteristic that kids tend to single out and pick on. At the age of around 15 I gained confidence and the bullying stopped. But all the years of hurt fucked with my personality. I spotted someone with a weakness and bullied them for a year. It's the most shameful period of my life. I've apologised and she's now one of my closest friends. No ones ever apologised to me.

I was bullied for years by two nasty little cows. Until I snapped and knocked them both on their arses. No apology necessary after that point. It was bloody marvellous!