If you were bullied at school/if you were the school bully....

[DilemmaADay]

If you were bullied at school, have the perpetrators ever been in contact to apologise, or have you bumped into them years later?

If you were the school bully, why did you do it and have you tried to make amends?

I was bullied and have heard stories of bullies growing up years later and messaging people they hurt to apologise. When Facebook became popular when I was at uni, I had everyone on there from school. I waited a few years to see if anyone would reach out and they appeared to be getting on with their lives without a care in the world. I blocked all of them when I hit 30, as the lack of apology was making me feel bitter and blocking was much more cathartic.

My bully tried to add me on Facebook about 15 times after leaving school, every time I deleted the request (didn’t know blocking was a thing if you weren’t friends already). I then saw her coming out of a shop I was going into with my husband and baby, her face kind of lit up and she said hello enthusiastically (like she’d seen a long lost friend 🤷🏼‍♀️) I laughed and said ‘you’re kidding right? Not a fucking chance!’ She actually looked hurt and dumbfounded I didn’t stop and ‘catch up’ bizarre! She stopped sending friend requests after that 🤣

There was a group of 5 of them, we were all great friends at one point. She was the worst. Their lives all seemed to go a bit to shit after the bullying, karma maybe or just coincidence.
One who I was friends with since age 4, I have seen several times since, she wasn’t really all that bad and just seemed to go along with the others but didn’t really say/do anything to me. I will happily talk to her, nothing too in depth etc but a breezy hello, sure. Haven’t seen any of them for at least 8 years now though, we’re 33/34 now.

I was relentlessly bullied throughout secondary school. I'm now being invited to a class reunion and it is so triggering for me. Of course I won't go, but it's hard being invited to an event by your ex-abusers.

None of them have ever apologised to me!

All this time has passed and I'm still feeling bitter about how I was treated.

I had a message last year from a girl I was at school with, apologising if she'd ever said anything to me that had upset me. I was bemused because I don't remember her ever upsetting me at all, in fact we got on just fine. I replied saying she had nothing to worry about and that while some people had definitely given me a hard time, she wasn't one of them.

The actual bullies from school? I don't have them on Facebook (because why would I?) but if they ever messaged me I'd read it and not reply. I'm not back in my home town very often so little danger of running into them, either.

My secondary school bully was part of a friendship group that I dipped in and out of, and one of the other girls kept in touch with me after school ended. Eventually we all had a reunion drink, and I went along quite happily because after about 15 years and a teaching career I felt like a different person. I’d seen so many friendship/not friendship dynamics among young people that I realised (a) it’s never about the victim and (b) nobody could hurt me any more because I believe in myself.
It turned out the bully had had an alcoholic father who was abusing her and her mum. I never knew. She spoke to me later in the evening and said ‘I was horrible at school’ and I said ‘yes, but you were going through hell’. And we had a hug. Before that, I bore grudges against everyone who had hurt me: exes, other nasty girls - but I feel differently now. If someone has a pop at me I wonder who’s been making their life a misery, and move on.

I’m the bully. And yes i apologise. I even friend now with the person i bullied

Kind of, I'm male and from a rough working class background. There was a bunch of men in their mid/late 20s who when we were 18/19 were quite threatening and when I worked in the local pub, abusive. A lot of people were scared of them they were often violent(when the odds were in their favour)
However, my mates and I filled out and always seemed to outnumber them. But one night "Curly" who clearly got a kick from hanging around with the hard boys (yes they really were 25+ not 10) started being aggressive with me. I didn't come across as "tough" I'm self deprecating, often the butt of my mates jokes (which I enjoy as I can see they do it because they like me) and didn't do drugs, fight, commit crimes and had a professional job. He only did it because I was on my own and he was with a couple of his mates. Anyway the shock on his face when I told him what I thought of him and how pathetic he was...and the fact I threatened to stick the pool cue I was holding up his backside...priceless

I was bullied at secondary school but nothing physical. I was so happy when I saw her aged about 17 pushing a toddler through town, looking really miserable, I thought "ha, you bitch, I'm going to go to uni soon where I can go out every night and spend my money on myself while you have to stay in and clean up shit and piss for years, serves you right"

(Ok, I now realise having a baby isn't all that bad, my DM did a great job of stopping me being a teenage mum).

I have physical and mental scars from being bullied at school. No one has ever apologised.

I don't think I would accept it anyways.

The school blamed me, yes it was me that threw myself down stairs or mashed food into my head, threatened my mother, threw glass in snow at me cutting my legs. Yes it was all me.

When I badly self harmed in a classroom they blamed me and phoned my parents.

When I moved school after that the first thing the HT said was "we don't really want your sort here" as I came from a school without a good reputation.

However I got new friends and all was okay but it did still dent my confidence, even now 22 years after I left school.

I had some bullying - primary school, from 2 boys who lived in the next road, they were very poor - houses had no furniture... and then my late GM used to buy my uniforms from Selfridges etc, my dad also had a nice car so even the teachers kept asking me what he did for work and were very jealous, we had foreign holidays etc....they moved...never saw them again.

I was relentlessly bullied at primary school, the called me fat, said I had “the lurgy” and anything I touched would be infected and if they touched it they’d die. If they touched me they’d catch the lurgy. They pulled apart my looks and called me horrendous names. It was hell. Teachers didn’t care and one of them was in on it.

I insisted on going to a different secondary school from the one the primary fed into. None of the other kids went to it. I’ve never heard or seen any of that lot since. Good riddance.

I was bullied briefly in secondary, one girl was mean and kept picking on me, laughing etc. Another poured glue into my hair in a way I didn’t notice for the whole lesson so it was solid when I realised. Another girl beat me up. the teachers clamped down on it quickly though, and the one who beat me up was permanently excluded.

The one girl who was just mean apologised years later. We kind of became friends for a bit but then drifted. No hard feelings against her, she had been bullied herself so I think she was just taking it out on someone else. The others were just vile people.

I’m not sure id people who bully are always aware they are the bully. Some are I am sure but I think some truely don’t see their own toxic behaviour or blame the person they bully.

I wasn’t bullied - god knows how because I was very timid and would have been an easy target.

A girl who was a bully from my school, the worst, now works in the local council and is very vocal over children’s rights. She has written about how her teen years were chaotic because of her home life which was filled with drugs and abuse. I’m not sure if she had apologised but I imagine she has some insight into her behaviour having harmed others. I found it so interesting to read her writing and kind of heartwarming to see how she has turned out now. Not sure I’d have felt the same if I had been her victim though.

My mother in law bullied me when I was ill.
She's never apologized. Bitch

I forgot to mention that all of my bullies were males that were older than me, so 15-17yo bullying an 11yo that just started high school.

I was a right bully ( I thought it was funny at the time) but I wouldn't apologise all these years later 🤷‍♀️.
Talk to me or not it's not going to make me lose any sleep.

Classic bully mindset there. It's refreshing to read of some former bullies who have since turned their lives around and tried to make amends; but so many unpleasant school bullies just go on to be unpleasant adult bullies.

Did you never stop to think - either then or now - that it might just not always only ever be about you?

I bumped into one of my bullies in my 20’s at a local bar. I asked him why he’d bullied me and he told me he was sorry and it was due to his parents getting divorced. He then tried it on with me. He got a mouth full.

I was bullied at middle school, not as bad as some of the accounts on here though. One person send me some kind of odd / awkward apology when social media first came about. I genuinely couldn't have cared less and had forgotten she existed. It was more about her than me really.

Looking back, I wonder whether anything I did could’ve been thought of as bullying. I really hope not. We all teased one another in a good natured way, but maybe something may have touched a nerve I wasn’t aware of.

I had apologies when I went to a class meet up. Many of them now had their own children and that had made them realise how bad they had been

I accepted the apologies but I will never forget.