DP's attitude to small amounts of money - boils my piss. AIBU?

[MissMoneyBallBags]

Me and DP are on the same page about 'big' finances.

But our attitudes to small amounts of money don't tally, and it boils my piss.

Let me give you some examples:

• DP never ever scans his Clubcard at Tesco to get things at the lower price. We don't shop at Tesco for the big shop, so it's only really when he gets a meal deal for lunch at work. But why wouldn't you just scan your card?

• If there's a multi-buy offer on at the supermarket, DP won't get the additional items if we don't need the additional item that week. But this is stuff that we will probably need the following week or the week after. And we have room for it. So why not just get it while its on offer?

• DP has to do tax self-assessments. He missed the January deadline. He'll get fined £100 if its not done by end of April. But DP's away a lot over the next month so I don't see him getting around to it. So he'll just end up paying £100 to the government needlessly.

It's relatively small amounts of money. We can afford it. And its his money so his choice. So I know I'm kind of BU.

But I find it infuriating and wasteful.
I'm not advocating for him massively going out of his way to save a few pennies. I'm suggesting that things like bunging an extra bottle of squash in the basket when it's a 2-for-1 offer, or scanning your Clubcard at the self-service checkout aren't huge undertakings or impositions so why the hell wouldn't you do it?!
Please tell me you can see my perspective and I'm not being wholly U?!

That would piss me off too I have to say.

The savings aren't insubstantial either on some things eg a litre of Gordon's or Smirnoff is £22.50 but £17 with a Clubcard. I would not be happy if DH spent an extra £5.50 when he didn't have to!

Well she said "its his money so his choice. So I know I'm kind of BU".

This would annoy me too, I’m also a “look after the pennies” type. When I first met my DH, he seemed to be completely oblivious to special offers. He would come home from Asda with a single item even though it was on BOGOF. Luckily I was able to convince him to add the free item to his trolley. I’m guessing that it still wouldn’t cross his mind to scan a Clubcard to get a better price on a meal deal but fortunately for me he takes a packed lunch to work!

I think many on here are treating the DH like some sort of child that needs to be controlled.

Now I’ve never missed a tax deadline to be fair but if my DH started mithering me constantly about how we could save 40p here and there and checking what I was spending I would be pretty pissed off.

In which case, we might ask who us earning the money in the joint account wouldn’t we?

Just because it’s a joint account doesn’t mean he has to adopt the OP’s priorities and values.

Her outlook on shopping would ‘cost’ him in terms of having to remember to do it her way and to think about the things she cares about (maximising deals apparently). Maybe he doesn’t want to use his cognitive resources for this?

This would piss me off too OP. We're not struggling for money at all but I'd rather it in my pocket than Tescos. There's quite a big difference in the clubcard vs normal price on some things.

I don't understand why he won't do it when a) it's such a small task and b) it's something that you've asked him to do. Perhaps ask him why he's making such a fuss of this?

My husband also doesn't understand why I think the way I do about things like clubcard or using quidco, or similar. I've asked him to do it though and he now does; quidco has pretty much paid for a holiday from clicking on it for things we would buy anyway. He gets it.

I would be irked in your position too, it's like a game now. I would make a point of not doing something small that he wants you to do and then ask why you should when questioned. Same thing.

That money saving - if he doesn't want to take advantage of it - could be used to buy the extra products to put in the food bank trolley. It's not wasted and the money not left in Tesco's coffers. That's what I do with M&S free pairs of knickers. I don't want or need them but, somebody else might so I pick up a standard size and send off to Red Cross with other stuff I don't want - because they do want it. Not difficult.

That £100 to the tax office is just stupidity - a charity would make better use of that money if he's so laissez faire about it.

I get the feeling that you wouldn't mind any of those suggestions, OP. Being poor growing up doesn't mean you become mean, just that you don't feel good about wasting money and I hear you on that.

Don't be daft. I was expressing my personal view, not imposing it on everyone. 🙄😂

@MissMoneyBallBags there's that saying - look after the pennies and the pounds take care of themselves.
It's true however much you can currently afford things.

Oh God! The poor sod wouldn't last two.minutes with me. Definitely could not deal with any of that. (Self confessed tight arse 🤣)

They do a merlot that I like. It's £9 but the clubcard price is £7. It blows my mind a bit that anyone would chose to pay £9 because they can't be fucked to get their keys out. You're prompted at the self checkout or by staff to scan your clubcard, it's literally impossible to forget.

YABVU this isnt piss boiling stuff, let him have his own personality

Same. Fortunately he has better things to do - like going to Waitrose without a responsible adult and spending a small fortune of his own money.

I’m quite happy that people don’t use their clubcard and pay cash and leave their till receipt at the checkout or throw it on the floor

More money for me

I'm the biggest procrastinator ever but even I get my Tax return in on time. I make sure to keep financial info pretty much up to date throughout the year. & I start completing return online a week before it's due - the old me would be struggling the night before due date. I've been fined in the past so learned my lesson. You have to, or it results in wasting your money.

The Clubcard thing I would also find annoying, but not as much as the Tax Return thing. Essentially it's easy for people to say none of this is a big deal, but it is when you're sharing finances with someone else. Especially if you go on to have children together. Your financial style needs to be similar. Difference on this can cause massive relationship problems

Maybe my DP doesn't want to use his 'cognitive resources' to think about the things that I care about?

We're just talking shopping and Clubcards and BOGOFs and saving here so no big deal.
But, in general, that's a really shit attitude you're suggesting right there. He's my DP, of course I expect him to use his 'cognitive resources' to give a toss about me and the things I care about. I'm his bloody life partner.

😂😂😂

I’d find someone that careless and lazy about looking after finances absolutely pathetic. Honestly, I couldn’t stand it.

I know it’s not the point of the thread but I think the clubcard discounts are disgraceful.
I saw a child get charged double the cost on a meal deal just because they weren’t old enough to have a clubcard.

It made me really angry.

I very rarely go to Tesco. I don't make a habit of carrying anything more than I need (back trouble). In Tesco by chance yesterday, I bought some clothes for my daughter. Knew I didn't have my club card with me, but had a quick look at the app while I was in the queue, and was able to scan a QR code. Bingo, discount applied, and one item was effectively free.

For supermarkets I visit more regularly, it's entirely muscle memory because I use the scan as you go handset, so you need to have swiped your card already.

Each individual thing is going to be more or less important depending on your mindset but if my husband was wasting our shared finances by incurring an HMRC penalty and not at least attempting to mitigate it with the savings he could make on buying his lunch like normal, I'd be annoyed too.

You didn’t see that at all. You saw a child not get a discount because they hadn’t borrowed an adult’s Clubcard. If I’d seen that I’d have lent them mine.

You care about BOGOFs that much?

This isn’t not giving a shit about you. It’s not sharing your views on Tesco’s promotional activities. And remembering to orient his lunchtime shopping behaviour around that.

If that is your top priority in a partner… 🤯

Well exactly.

I mean my DH loves a BOGOF it’s a joke in our house about how much ‘crap’ he comes back with purely because it’s a BOGOF.

I am not interested.

Neither of us enforces our views on each other..

Given in the rest of my post, I describe how I have saved my business annual expenses of up to 20% - which is six figures - I'm pretty happy with my interpretation of the phrase personally.

My ex hated me buying reduced anything, was always worried about people he knew finding out.