DP's attitude to small amounts of money - boils my piss. AIBU?

[MissMoneyBallBags]

Me and DP are on the same page about 'big' finances.

But our attitudes to small amounts of money don't tally, and it boils my piss.

Let me give you some examples:

• DP never ever scans his Clubcard at Tesco to get things at the lower price. We don't shop at Tesco for the big shop, so it's only really when he gets a meal deal for lunch at work. But why wouldn't you just scan your card?

• If there's a multi-buy offer on at the supermarket, DP won't get the additional items if we don't need the additional item that week. But this is stuff that we will probably need the following week or the week after. And we have room for it. So why not just get it while its on offer?

• DP has to do tax self-assessments. He missed the January deadline. He'll get fined £100 if its not done by end of April. But DP's away a lot over the next month so I don't see him getting around to it. So he'll just end up paying £100 to the government needlessly.

It's relatively small amounts of money. We can afford it. And its his money so his choice. So I know I'm kind of BU.

But I find it infuriating and wasteful.
I'm not advocating for him massively going out of his way to save a few pennies. I'm suggesting that things like bunging an extra bottle of squash in the basket when it's a 2-for-1 offer, or scanning your Clubcard at the self-service checkout aren't huge undertakings or impositions so why the hell wouldn't you do it?!
Please tell me you can see my perspective and I'm not being wholly U?!

Because you need to remember to scan the bloody thing. It’s a 40p potential saving.

Maybe it is something you will remember and prioritise. But it might be the last thing in his mind at lunchtime.

Even more so when the savings of not buying lunch every day in Tesco and taking a packed lunch instead are far greater.

Although that requires planning and lunch making every day. So I can see why he chooses to just grab something in Tesco.

Because he values the freedom from this additional mental work perhaps?

I do not use any loyalty cards because I CBA to remember them every time. I go to various shops and there is a mental workload in remembering them and remembering to use them.

How tight is money in general? If you can afford it without it impacting your lifestyle, I honestly don't think this is worth getting annoyed about. Different people apply different optimisation to different areas of life. Yes, you would do supermarket purchasing more "perfectly", but I think it's micromanaging to force him to approach it the same way.

He doesn’t have to have ADHD for it to be something he’s not willing to devote his mental effort to.

It’s something that you care about. But it’s not fair to insist he gives a fuck about club card stuff.

Yes me too.

Because it's not "very easy" for everyone. I have ADHD, and doing this, for me, would come at a cost of mental effort that could be way better used elsewhere.

I know your husband does not have ADHD, but you don't need to have ADHD to be running low on executive function. The tax thing makes it sounds like his executive function is a bit stretched at the moment.

It is really quite boring though having to think about things like this.

If you enjoy it, that is great. If you need to do it, then you're foolish not to.

But if you don't need the money, why does it matter if you are different?

I absolutely wasn't checking on his Clubcard use, LOL.

I spotted £3.90 going out of our account every day. I asked him about it. He said it was his meal deal at Tesco. I asked why it was £3.90 when the meal deal in the Tesco by my work is £3.50. That's how it became clear he doesn't scan the Clubcard.

But I don't think OP is annoyed about not earning the points. Clubcard do deals where you get money off when you scan your card so could save 50p for example.

That is definitely checking on his spending

Potato, patahto

@MMMarmite Money is fine. This isn't anything like a big issue in our relationship at all.

I’d be annoyed at being questioned over spending less than £5!

If I earned enough to be doing a tax return, I would most definitely resent being quizzed over not saving 40p

😂 Nooo, not checking on his spending. All our money is shared. Everything in one joint account. I was checking the account and worried someone was doing low-level really shit fraud taking just under £4 every day from us!

But you must have seen that it was £3.90 a day spent in Tesco. At about lunchtime.

The tax thing is more of an issue.

But the other stuff, I would hate to be monitored and questioned like this. Money isn’t an issue so leave him be.

YABU - for letting it get under your skin like this.

There are hills to die on, this isn't one of them if money isn't tight.

My DP is exactly like this. Doesn't look at offers. Also, never checks the date on supermarket food so always buys bread and milk about to go out of date.

My biggest gripe is the 3 unused gym memberships. One is convenient for work (£25pm) one near where we live (£30pm) and one is for luxury (£100pm)

It's a lot to be spending when DP doesn't use the gym.

You jumped to fraud? You didn’t think it was more likely to be his lunch cost? 😅

If that was the case you would have been reassured when he said it was his lunch.

You are being a PITA about money.

YANBU. Luckily, I've got a more receptive DH who I've "trained" to use store card incentive schemes, looks for BOGOFs and "3 for a fiver type offers", etc. He's got a Nectar card, Tesco club card and Co Op card, and it's automatic for him to swipe them to get the points/offers. But it wasn't hard, even before we met, he used to save vouchers from petrol stations for glasses, model cars, and even a collection of toy Smurfs!

I've also managed to train DS at Uni too - he now proudly shows me his Nectar points accumulation on his smart phone (over a hundred pounds worth now - he's saving for something big when he graduates for his new home!), and he also collects "stamps" on a card from one of the Uni's burger bars where he can get a free burger with six stamps (he gets a stamp for every burger he buys).

Personally, I've "bought" an Iron, vacuum cleaner, and a few other things from Nectar points, and we've had loads of "free" days out at zoos etc from the Tesco club card points.

"Look after the pennies and the pounds look after themselves" is definitely my motto. Small amounts add up. And if you get into the habit of taking advantage of offers, shopping around, etc for small things, you're more likely to make wiser decisions with high value items too!

My DH refuses to carry any store cards to get discount, and he won’t ask me to look for Blue Light offers either. It’s frustrating. I grew up poor, perhaps that’s why I look after the pennies.

Well I’m with you op. Why spend money when you don’t have to?
It’s really not difficult no extra mental load just to scan your club card that’s on your key ring. In fact the one at our local store prompts you to do it so you don’t even have to remember yourself.